Moe Slater

The Grand Jury of the County of Balboa, State of California, by this Indictment, hereby accuses MOE SLATER of a felony, to wit: a violation of Penal Code section 972, subdivision (a)(I)(PRETENTIOUSNESS), in that on or about and between October 3, 2006 and November 14, 2006, in the County of Balboa, State of California, he did commit the crimes of:

• a violation of Penal Code Section 951 (RECKLESS USE OF OOLONG TEA), a felony;
• a violation of Penal Code Section 963 (ENDANGERMENT OF BISCOTTI), a felony;
• a violation of Penal Code Section 904 (MOZART), a felony;
• a violation of Penal Code Section 922 (GEEK IN POSSESSION OF COOL POP-CULTURE REFERENCES), a felony

and did commit one or more of the following overt acts in the State of California, at least one of them in the County of Balboa: [see attached]

Note to paralegal: Please continue draft to add Count Two Penal Code section 745, subdivision (c)(IV)(CRIMINAL FASHION SENSE), being sure to include BAD HAIR and SWEATER VESTS, Count Three Penal Code section 863, subdivision (g)(I)(PETTY ABUSE OF POWER) — see Jack's notes on his position as Resident Advisor in Benes Hall, Hearst College. Leave Penal Code section 261 until-