Arturo

To whom it may concern:

I am writing this letter in support of Arturo for Young Gang Member of the Month. By overcoming adversity and working with — not against — his detractors, Arturo was able to not only accomplish his goals, but surpass them.

When Arturo was a freshman, all he wanted to do when he grew up was be a member of the PCHers. A taser and not-so-subtle racism guided young Arturo's efforts to impress Thumper and the gang when he devised the great Pizza-Boy-Mugging-caper of 2006. Cho's delivery boys were shocked and robbed when they approach the homes of coconuts — Latinos who get too friendly with whites or too uppity at school. Arturo's own part in deepening the Neptune divide was brought to an unceremonious end by a length of wire, a taser of equal power, a slavering dog, and Veronica Mars. Deputy Jerry Sacks got his juvenile delinquent present gift-wrapped to a pole with duct tape.

But the incompetence of Neptune's law enforcement authorities is such that despite Arturo's taped confession, he was back out on the streets quickly, in time to spit at the local rich-boy trash and join the PCHers. Unlike Weevil, who thought he was too young and cherubic, Thumper let Arturo in. This was just in time to get a Fitzpatrick cigarette lighter in the face for coming up short as a drug pusher.

But Arturo didn't let this deter him from his dream. Instead of letting a little fire damage bring him down, it started a fire inside him. Now in his sophomore year, he has climbed the PCHer social ladder and replaced Thumper as their leader. Instead of dealing for the Irish Catholics, they're dealing in rich white guys' expensive cars.

I'm sure you can see that Arturo is an excellent candidate for Young Gang Member of the Month. Per your request, I have not included a last name so as not to attract his parole officer's attention. He hasn't actually ever told me what it is anyway.