1.13 "Lord of the Bling"

Aired Feb 08, 2005

Quotes

• Bone: Tell me this, baby: how did a man like me end up with National Black Velvet and Urkel, huh?

• Wallace: Did she really leave a note on a Blackberry? Veronica: Yeah. Talk about post-modern.

• Veronica: Hey, Dad. How's the back holdin' up? You remember to take your pills?

  Keith: Shouldn't you be doing your homework instead of nagging me? Thanks.

  Veronica: Next time, remember: lift drunk, combative bail jumpers with your legs, not your back.

• Wallace: Stop staring. It's just hair.

  Veronica: Resisting the urge to touch...

  Wallace: You keep resisting that urge.

• Veronica: Hamilton? God, that's Yolanda Hamilton's dad?

  Wallace: I didn't know you knew her.

  Veronica: We used to be friends...a long time ago.

• Keith: Hey honey, what's cooking?

  Veronica: Not quite sure myself. Something that ends in "-aroni."

• Keith: And if you buy it, he's the scariest guy alive who's also launching a line of casual wear.

• Duncan: Whoa! New student alert. Lilly: Glad to see you guys are equal opportunity oglers. Logan: Hey, I judge not by the color of the skin but by the content of their sweater.

• Logan: You guys prepared for the biggest blowout of all time?

  Duncan: Where are your parents going this time?

  Logan: Nepal. Sherpas lug their crap up and down a mountain for two weeks so they can take pictures of a yak.

  Veronica: While I take pictures of you yakking in the comfort of your living room.

• Logan: If you really want flowers, dying seems to be the way to go. Here's your costume. You know, if it's not sad enough, I can order you a veil.

• Aaron: Have you heard from your sister?

  Logan: Yeah. She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can't make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater scene shoot tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for Mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.

  Aaron: Logan.

  Logan: Stop. Boy, there's no people like show people. [Does jazz hands] Ya-da-ti-da. She did send a wreath though. Gah, it's gorgeous. Tulips and hyacinth. Probably set you back hundreds.

  Aaron: Your mom loved tulips.

  Logan: Yeah, it was an overwhelming gesture.

• Keith: Veronica, this is a Mars Investigations matter. I'm Mars. Veronica: And who am I? Keith: Veronica, and you're staying. Veronica: Veronica Mars. And you're on painkillers! And the bottle says don't operate heavy machinery and a car's heavy.

• Keith: He was here Saturday night with his bunch of dudes.

  Veronica: His posse, Dad. The Eagles had a bunch of dudes.

• Keith: What's this?

  Veronica: Clues. Valet stubs. I figure even kidnappers have to park. ...I know. Stay in the car.

• Lilly: I'm ditching his party this weekend 'cause I don't want him getting all crazy violent every time a boy undresses me with his eyes, which happens all the time. It's not my fault. I can't help it, God made me fabulous. Veronica: Well if you're ditching, that means Yolanda and I will have to party for three. Lilly: Which means Yolanda will have to be partying for two and a half.

• Dime Bag: [Offscreen, through the transmitter] Yo, man, that damn hospitality hostess was lyin' about that Cristal, man!

  Flunky: [Offscreen] And she is hot!

  Dime Bag: [Offscreen] If you like 'em scrawny.

  Veronica: Just...please, don't ask.

  Dime Bag: [Offscreen] Yo, man, did she leave the key for the mini bar, man?

  Veronica: Now what?

  Dime Bag: [Offscreen] Need some drinks. Now we gonna have some girls up--

  Keith: I get Mr. Hamilton to beg.

  Veronica: I'm not scrawny. I'm not!

• Aaron: I know you blame me for your mother's death. That's okay. Our marriage had some very high highs and some very low lows. And I know that this hard act you're putting on is just your way of coping. But let's make a deal, all right? From now on, we're gonna be a team. Our war's over now, Logan. It's what she would have wanted.

• Logan: You know what Mom would have wanted? She would have wanted you to not sleep with all her friends. She would have wanted you to care as much about her as your career. So okay, Dad, let's be honest. Maybe we both wished we'd been better. But she's only gone because of you.

  Photographer: Who's gonna pay for my camera?

  Aaron: I'll tell you what: I'll get on it just as soon as I've buried my wife.

• Logan: Girl is deadly at this.

  Duncan: You're letting her win.

  Logan: Yep, or maybe it's to let her get me drunk and she'll take advantage of me.

  Yolanda: Dream on.

  Veronica: Careful, Logan, Lilly's just sick, she's not dead.

• Logan: So Harv. Hey. Do you think next time we have one of these funeral things that ICM will let us use the boardroom? You know, so there's no travel, no trailer size negotiations. I dunno, it's just a thought. Can I get you anything? Mimosa? Finger sandwich? Tissue?

• Logan: You know Mom's dad fought in the Korean War? Uh. Well he got this lighter in Seoul. He held onto it even when he was captured. He and his buddies escaped and he had it engraved. And it was always in her purse. But she left it on her dresser the night she disappeared. It's a sign. You know, man, come on, I mean, she hated all this, she hated him. They didn't find a body because she's not dead. She just escaped.

• Keith: Ah, Veronica...this is really grasping at straws. Veronica: Make yourself useful. Get those things in a row.