Who's Who of Veronica Mars — C
- C. Bundrick
- See Bundrick, C.
- C. Montgomery Burns
- See Burns, C. Montgomery
- Cable-Graham, Mrs.
A teacher at Neptune High. Possibly. I mean, why else would she have a cubby hole in the administration office? Mrs. Cable-Graham is no land shark (that we know of) in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-alliterator- Caesar, Julius
Emperor of Rome and, apropos of Neptune High School, the titular character in a Shakespearean play, a poster regarding which hangs on the bulletin board in the English classroom. Just as death will come when it will come, Logan mouthing off ensures that detention will come when it will come — like now, in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."
-Inigo- Cage, Nicolas
Actor. What is it with actors and their need to put their movie posters up on the walls of their homes? Nic Cage is a national treasure who presents an adaptation of his characters that would be a kiss of death for other actors. On a personal level, he's obviously never forgotten his honeymoon in Vegas with Lisa Marie, for he still displays her picture. He must have been moonstruck by a relationship that was, like, gone in sixty seconds. Veronica must have been a little wild at heart not to have had the chance of a face-off with the charismatic star of Matchstick Men and City of Angels, which get much-needed publicity when he loans his house to Collin in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."
-Inigo- Cagney, Christine
One half of Cagney and Lacey. Blonde, outspoken, alcohol-endangered, and all-around awesome, she was the Starbuck to more stable Marybeth Lacey's...um...Apollo. Veronica wisely chooses Christine as her presumed role in a Tim-and-Ronnie detecting partnership in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-grimsqueaker- Caitlin Ford
- See Ford, Caitlin (but only if you really want to know).
- Calexico
Alternative country band from Tucson. Or indie rock band from Tucson. Anyone else wish that music genre-deciders would make up their bloody minds? Or better yet, that music genres would just dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Ahem. Sorry. Issues. Anyway, Max's "friend" Fred may not have a lot going for him, but he is wholly redeemed in this writer's view by having a Calexico poster on the wall in his dorm room, because Calexico are fab. Seriously fab. This is from someone who doesn't like country music as a rule. The covers of "All Tomorrow's Parties" and "Wild Horses," performed with Iron & Wine playing on my iTunes now are so stunningly beautiful that I am reduced to incoherent babbling, just like Fred...isn't really in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-Inigo- Caligula
Roman emperor of questionable morals. Depraved and cruel, he was deposed after only four years, making way for his stuttering old uncle Claudius. Man, that Caligula. Veronica's quick thinking results in the one character in history whom Keith might actually think is a worse person to come home and find his daughter with than Eli "Weevil" Navarro in 2.17 "Plan B."
-Inigo- Callahan, Harry
The titular character in the Dirty Harry film series. I know what you're thinking. Did Weevil turn really evil or only a bit darker? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as his impatience led to Thumper sitting under a lot of C-4, the most powerful explosive in the world, and would blow his head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Does it feel mucky? Well, does it punk? Weevil's quest for justice sends his soul south in 2.17 "Plan B."
-Inigo- Callas, Tina
- Campbell, Isobel
Glaswegian belle and songstress. That the poster for her solo tour decorates the walls of Hearst College Radio says much for someone's good taste. Isobel contributed cello, lilting vocals, and her skills as a writer to the first incarnation of Belle and Sebastian, and to the Gentle Waves (which was, more or less, just her). Since leaving B&S in 2002, she's released several collaborative works and two solo albums. She's Scottish, she's beautiful, and she makes sweet music. What more could one need? Well, maybe to actually hear her. We don't in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-Inigo- Cancun, Loretta
Dancer *cough* at the Seventh Veil. This establishment describes itself as a Body Shop *cough, cough* and keeps its liquor license by entertaining *choke, gasp, die* local law enforcement. Look out, Loretta's one mean mother with a baseball bat. And a piece of paper. And a pen. That girl has a real temper. Referred to in 1.01 "Pilot" and seen, finally, in 1.20 "M.A.D."
-Inigo
All bios: 1.20 1.01
Played by Ameenah Kaplan.- Canning, Ms.
A name on a blackboard. Not just any name on a blackboard, however! Canning is a name on a blackboard in front of which Cassidy was standing. A name on a blackboard in front of which Cassidy was standing as he watched Mac tutor Weevil so that Weevil would fix his car, even though Cassidy broke up with Mac for mysterious reasons and seemed really angry with her, but she looked past that because he was so lost and upset, and he has such big, sad, pretty eyes, and she just loves him SO MUCH, AND HE TOTALLY LOVES HER BACK, AND THEY BANTER AND FLIRT AND GRIN LIKE LOONS AND ARE TOTALLY GOING TO RULE THE WORLD AND HAVE SO MANY CUTE, GENIUS HACKER BABIES!!!!1 Er...I mean, she's, like, probably the math teacher or something. Canning is completely ignored in favor of
THE COMPLETELY OTPMac/Cassidy and Weevil in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."-public displays of lust- Cap'n Krunk
Trash-talking radio alter-ego of Marcos Oliveres. Mild-mannered and kinda gay by day, Marcos cut the edge and pushed the envelope by night in discussing such vital topics as "Who's Our Hottest Prostitute?" and "Sloots 'R You." His greatest act of counterculture rebellion, though, has to be naming himself after a guy on a cereal box. Arrr! The late great pirate is sorely missed, sort of, in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"
-marksoflove- Capistrano, Bonnie
- Capistrano, Reverend Ted
Bonnie's televangelist father. Reverend Ted Capistrano's motto seems to be "You ready to celebrate?!", and despite the circumstances of Bonnie's pregnancy, the Reverend consoles, comforts, and celebrates with his teenage daughter. Before the episode is out, this man of the cloth even manages to forgive the saboteur of Bonnie's pregnancy, Phyllis, and present Veronica with a meaningful nugget of spiritual guidance: a proverb that keeps our heroine marshmallowy soft in a harsh, Benz-cubing world in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Alex
Played by Chris Ellis.- Capone, Al
Gangster. Lamb believes Veronica to be capable of many things, but resurrecting the dead probably isn't one of them. So she is being sarcastic when she suggests that Lamb is looking for him in her locker in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."
-Inigo- Capote, Truman
Author and social butterfly. Whether breakfasting at Tiffany's or listening to other voices in other rooms, Capote labored for months on the guest list for his Black-and-White Ball at the New York Plaza in 1966. To be invited to the "party of the century" was an answered prayer for anyone who was anyone, dahling. To be left off the list was social death. People begged, they pleaded, they threatened suicide, but, his veins hardened in cold blood, Truman was firm and so created the first modern A-list, one that encompassed those in high society, politics, the arts, and Hollywood. In short — and he was very short indeed — Truman Capote was the first fan of celebrity for its own sake. That Dick could even begin to compare his New Year's Eve shindig to a cultural landmark puzzles Veronica exceedingly in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-Inigo- Captain of Industry
Member of the jury. With that name, he sounds like a superhero. Well, okay, a corporate superhero. But the way he acts, he seems more like a supervillain. Or maybe a regular villain. Anyway, first he wants to make Veronica forewoman, but then he's all "You can't convict these two rich 09ers!" Finally, he goes from hero to villain to pain in the...buttocks when he only concedes to their conviction knowing that it will be overturned. The Captain needs to shut it in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
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Played by Robert Curtis Brown.- Captain/Admiral Moneybags
Nickname for Logan. Jeff Ratner attempts to insult Logan by calling him Captain Moneybags, but Logan promptly promotes himself to Admiral. Logan's wealth isn't a secret in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-funky-donut- Car Wash Boss
The owner of Jumbo's Clown Wash. We don't know if his name is Jumbo or if he is just using bad punctuation to say that there is a Jumbo Clown washing cars. Although why you would want a Jumbo Clown washing cars is a mystery. A creepy, creepy mystery. Anyway, he's mean to Weevil and calls him "cholo," but what do you expect from someone who doesn't even put the word "car" in his car wash business? The Winchester brothers might need to make a pit stop in Neptune to take care of this guy in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
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Played by John Sylvain.- Carl
Room service waiter at the Neptune Grand. His waistcoat is more sumptuous than the Presidential Suite, which says a lot about hotel standards. Discreet and polite, Carl lifts the lids off dinners in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
-Inigo- Carl #2
Capistrano Ministry worker. The sight of Logan's toenails was the final straw. He resigned from his job as a waiter at the Neptune Grand. He applied for a job at the latest variation of Starbucks to open in Neptune and was happy to get an interview. Dressed in his Sunday best, he headed for Cappuccino Minibars. Dyslexia led him to the headquarters of the Rev. Ted. Both declared it an act of God, a match in heaven was made, and Carl found his true calling...humping boxes and still not getting a line. Kidding. It's probably not the same guy in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Inigo- Carl #3
Concerned member of the Neptune Homeowners' Association. He throws around what appears to be the Homeowners' Association's considerable weight, leaning on Keith to get results in the robbery cases before the impending election. If Carl thinks Vinnie would be a better sheriff, he obviously isn't as smart as he thinks he is in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."
-starxdsparrow
Played by Steve Bean.- Carl Faberge
- See Faberge, Carl
- Carl Morgan
- See Morgan, Carl
- Carla Stanton
- See Stanton, Carla
- Carla Stern
- See Stern, Carla
- Carlita
One of the help. She should feel honored that someone as important as Lynn Echolls would even bother learning her name. She teeters on the edge to ensure that there are no bald patches on the Christmas tree for a super-duper 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-Inigo, wyk- Carlita #2
One of Veronica's imaginary friends. When Meg and a reluctant Duncan join her for lunch, she asks Carlita to make room in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."
-Inigo- Carlos Mercado
- See Mercado, Carlos
- Carlos Oliveres
- See Oliveres, Carlos
- Carlos Rodriguez
- See Rodriguez, Carlos
- Carlton, Judge
Balboa county judge. Fishing while he should be issuing search warrants, Carlton takes his job very seriously. Neptune law enforcement keeps its bad rep in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-grimsqueaker- Carly Hearn
- See Hearn, Carly
- Carmen Ruiz
- Carnell "Matrix" Myles
- See Myles, Carnell "Matrix"
- Carney, Kevin
Art student. He reckons that Wanda Varner ruled, yet votes for Duncan in the school council elections. He can't spell, he can't fill out a ballot, and his handwriting brings to mind the scribblings of serial killers in the making. Kevin, thanks for restoring our faith in the public school system in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."
-Inigo, wyk- Caroler #1
Here we come a-wassailing
among the leaves so greenThis grinning caroler seems as fascinated with his singing partner, Caroler #2, as he is with the holiday tune they perform. Either he's already had his share of wassail, or he's wondering how much wassail it will take before she sheds that prim, Victorian costume of hers. He is hopeful in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-topanga
Played by Kevin James Brando.- Caroler #2
Even though she and her colleagues try hard, their inspired Christmas singing can't beat the entertainment value of Aaron Echolls getting stabbed by a jealous ex-fling in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Cara Christensen.- Caroler #3
Rosy-cheeked and full of cheer, this caroler attempts to bring Christmas joy in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-topanga
Played by Chris Christensen.- Caroler #4
Is this a television show or a commercial for tooth bleaching? This caroler shows off her pearly whites in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-topanga
Played by Shannon Beth Coogan.- Caroler #5
A true professional, this singer braves Victorian costumes, fake snow, and ridiculously low pay to practice his craft in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Robert Matthew Hoglund.- Caroler #6
She'd probably rather be elsewhere, but alas, in Neptune, even holidays are only for the rich. Pity the singer in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Helen Taylor Ryu.- Caroler #7
The shortest of the bunch, she proves that powerful voices can be housed in small bodies. This tiny diva sings her heart out in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-topanga
Played by Sandra Rice.- Caroler #8
Are the mischievous grin and seductive eyebrow raising part of the choreography? This caroler must be practicing for his upcoming date in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-topanga
Played by Philip A. Tesoro.- Carrie
Teen witch without the cuteness. No Willow or Sabrina, Carrie is horribly bullied by nasty high schoolers and John Travolta. They fix the prom queen vote, then douse her with blood when she's crowned. Big mistake. Carrie has been cursed with powerful telekinesis and tears the place apart. Although she approves of the grievous bodily harm her minions attempt on Veronica's jacket, Arianna is not quite so effective in silencing opposition in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."
-Inigo- Carrie #2
A fan of Landry's work. One must wonder as to which is the scarier: parents who name their child after a blood-soaked fictional witch who wipes out the population of teenagers in a small town, or a girl who stalks a criminology writer to the extent of tracking down his cell phone number so she can call him and gush? Either way, Landry should have taken it as something of an omen, given events in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-Inigo- Carrie Bishop
- Carrie Kaiser
- See Kaiser, Carrie
- Carrie Ann Leskey
- See Leskey, Carrie Ann
- Carson Drew
- See Drew, Carson
- Carter, Jimmy
Thirty-ninth U.S. President. Arguably, the best former President of all time. During his term from 1977-81, inflation hit an all-time high, seventy Americans were held hostage in Iran for 444 days, and oil shortages made lines at gas stations so long people actually packed lunches before heading out to fill up their cars. Not the best legacy to leave behind. However, since leaving office, Carter and his wife have devoted their lives to helping impoverished and disenfranchised people throughout the world. He's certainly not an armed robber, despite the mask that a Hearst casino thief wears in 3.05 "President Evil."
-topanga- Carter Reynaud
- See Reynaud, Carter
|
- Carvahlos, Franklin
One of the boys from Woody's Little League team. Either Franklin has a very rare surname that only has 19 or so Google hits, or
RickVeronica misspelled Carvalhos in 2.22 "Not Pictured."-wyk- Casablancas, Betina
Mother of a dick. Well, two, to be precise, but since the younger one recently shuffled off this mortal coil, we don't want to be too particular here. Despite her somewhat intense personality, Betina has bagged quite the impressive new husband: the business manager of a certain governor, a connection that does not only grant her the means to
avoid her offspringlive in Europe most of the year, but also gives Dick that extra bit of luck he needs to get accepted at Hearst College. See, she really does come through for her boy, whether it's making sandwiches for him in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner," or securing his education in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."-grimsqueaker
All bios: 3.01 2.07
Played by Kate McNeil.- Casablancas, Cassidy "Beaver"
- Casablancas, Dick
- Casablancas, Kendall
- Casablancas, Richard "Big Dick"
- Casablancas, Sadie
She throws Halloween parties and orgies. One of the little Casablancases is named Dick. Hee. The other is nicknamed "Beaver." Double hee. We can't wait until we meet the baby of the family, Hooter. We once assumed Sadie was the mother of all Casablancas, but in fact she may have been a stepmother, grandmother, sister, or aunt when she was name-checked in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas." She is not the current Mrs. C in any event, as we learn when we meet the enticing Kendall in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-Inigo- Case, Neko
A singer-songwriter sometimes described as "alternative country" and member of the Canadian indie rock group The New Pornographers. Piz isn't going to throw in a David Hasselhoff CD just because he left his Case in the car in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."
-alliterator- Casey Gant
- Cat Fighter
She's a feisty one! When the results of the purity test become public, she publicly confronts her "best friend" who apparently had some sort of relationship with her boyfriend. You go, girl! Or maybe not. Chaos reigns (and Agent Smart is nowhere in sight) in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."
-alliterator
Played by Karenssa LeGear.- Cat in the Hat Raver
Neptune High student. Her claim to fame largely consists of being one of the first people passed by our luminous heroine, but she can also pride herself on being one of the passive bystanders at Wallace's humiliating first day of school. At least there is no denying she looks cute in that hat in 1.01 "Pilot."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Amber Ojeda.- Catherine Lenova
- See Lenova, Catherine
- Catherine Zeta-Jones
- See Zeta-Jones, Catherine
- Catholic School Girl
Stripper. Or, according to Veronica, possibly just a down-on-her-luck schoolgirl carrying concealed produce. She may think men are scum, but she still helps point Veronica and Tim in the direction of someone who might be able to help find Veronica's supposed deadbeat dad. Her tip proves fruitless, but it's the thought that counts in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-misskiwi
Played by Jennifer Blanc.- Cathy
Cashier. Works in Accounts Payable at the sheriff's department. Given what a tool Lamb is and the likelihood that Keith will regularly recover lost prisoners, she probably sees him more often than it might seem from 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Cathy #2
Fellow classmate in Veronica's Intro to Criminology class. Cathy seems to have taken a shine to their professor — Dr. Landry. Since he's a criminology professor, we're sure he's aware that dating a college student is slightly frowned upon. Cathy may have to rival Veronica's affections for him, but with Veronica happily in a relationship, Cathy's got dibs in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-fickledame
Played by Kristen Mengelkock.- Cathy Belben
- See Belben, Cathy
- Cathy Westcott
- See Westcott, Cathy
- Cavin, Jerry
Castle member, class of 1969. We may never learn Jerry's secrets, but we've met somebody who might: Jessica Cavin, a reporter who could be any kind of niece/daughter/murderous-doppelgänger
-clone. She appeared in the episode prior to Jerry's, and maybe that freakish coincidence is the only crime the two are guilty of, but this is Neptune, and we suspect the worst in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-Alex- Cavin, Jessica
Writer for the Marietta Telegraph. Though she pens an article on the massive Magna-Corp donation, Jessica can't seem to keep her numbers straight: is it a ten- or twenty-million-dollar donation, sweetheart? Jessica "Cave in" has a fact-checking meltdown in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-Alex- Caz Truman
- Cedric
The pipe man at Liberty Cigars & Pipes. This is the man to go to for that special blend. Of course, if what Keith tells Veronica is true, then specials at Liberty may mean something other than tobacco. The "smoking = evil" cliché is continued in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-Inigo- Celeste Kane
- Cerutti,
Don't know much about Cerrutti
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about the sex or looks
Don't know if this one's another Rooks.
But we do know s/he has to teach
Kevin Carney 'bout the birds and bees
And a wonderful thing that must be.
Wallace finds these facts of life in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."-Inigo, alliterator- Cervando Esparza
- See Esparza, Cervando
- Cervando Luna
- See Luna, Cervando
- Cervando Perez
- See Perez, Cervando
- Cetlingsworth, Louisa
Person on Woody's contact list. Hmm. Imagine this Louisa person talking. Do you hear...a British accent? 'Cause I sure do. Woody's got an upper-crust-sounding pen pal in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."
-funky-donut- Chambliss, Dr.
Kindhearted doctor at the Neptune Women's Clinic. A feminist's dream, and perhaps an illicit love child of Oprah and Nelson Mandela, Dr. Chambliss's pro-choice stance and no-nonsense demeanor don't prevent her from radiating a soothing glow. The good doctor empathizes with Veronica's "awful story" but puts her foot down when Miss Mars tries to stick her cute honker in the Neptune Clinic's business in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Alex
Played by Juliette Jeffers.- Chang, Bodie
Surfer dude who spins, swims, and wins. Whoa! The totally excellently-named Bodie Chang, Esquire isn't bogus, being most triumphant at the Gold Coast surfing competition. Veronica and Duncan watch, take notes, snap shots, and generally be excellent journalism dudes to take his excellent story back to Neptune High in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Channing, Carol
Broadway diva. The quintessential Dolly Levi (Barbra who?), Carol Channing is a legend. Her distinctive voice and raucous personality have led her to three Tonys and made her a chat show staple for many years. She was the only watchable thing in Thoroughly Modern Millie. Keith hankers to get his hands on her...God, she's in her eighties! Don't be smutty! Keith hankers to get his hands on her autograph in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-Inigo- Chanter Legris
- See Legris, Chanter
- Chappelle, Dave
Comedian. Proud creator of the phrases, "I'm Rick James, bitch!" and "Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a bitch?" Wallace fails to actually choke any bitches in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."
-alliterator- Chappie
Missing dog. Look at
herhim. Isn'tshehe cute? Look at these soft ears andherhis earnest loving eyes. Don't you just want to pickLolaChappie up and stealherhim? We know Hans would. Kristen Bell's dog does double duty in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."-grimsqueaker- Chardo Navarro
- See Navarro, Chardo
- Charles Fennell
- See Fennell, Charles
- Charles Foster Kane
- See Kane, Charles Foster
- Charles Martin
- See Martin, Charles
- Charles Reh
- See Reh, Charles
- Charles Zimmerman
- See Zimmerman, Charles
- Charlie
Neptune High student. Being mentally challenged doesn't stop him from being enchanted with Jackie's beauty. She graciously invites him to the Sadie Hawkins dance, and they dance the night away — at least, until his mother abruptly whisks him away so he can get to bed on time. Mentally challenged or not, Charlie probably wishes he could rip his mother a new one in 2.17 "Plan B."
-topanga
Played by Caleb Steinmeyer.- Charlie Stone
- See Stone, Charlie
- Charlie's Angel
One of a trio of nubile women working for a voice in a box. Really. Without ever mussing her hair or breaking a nail, an angel can roll out of a moving car. Veronica is tempted to play an angel in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Charlie's Mom
Much like Alicia Fennel a long time ago, she is gullible enough to let a man's bad reputation sully her image of his daughter. She ruins her son's evening in 2.17 "Plan B."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Denise Gossett.- Charlotte
Charleston's conceivably cheating girlfriend. Choosy, childish, or just not chaste, Charlotte chooses to cheese off Veronica. Big mistake in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-alliterator
Played by Amy Eve Rider.- Chase, Harmony
- Chase, Marvin
Faithful husband. Ah, looks can be deceiving. What might appear to be a businessman in his midlife-crisis throwing himself at a hot colleague could just as well be a needy co-worker trying to cop a feel from her car-pooling buddy. Makes you wonder if that's the only thing in this case that isn't quite what it looks like. Marvin is chased by various parties in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Mark Ciarrocchi.- Sir Cheats-a-Lot
Slightly trite nickname. Hearkening back to the greatest knight that ever did sit at the round table (or perhaps that jolly, bootie-loving, hip-hopster from Seattle), Veronica makes no bones about what she thinks of the ethics of Max's stolen terms papers business. But he likes big bucks and he cannot lie in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-bethgee- Cheese, Chuck E.
Giant anthropomorphic mouse with no relation to Mickey. He gave us a place where a kid can be a kid: play games, eat pizza, be frightened by freaky animatronic characters telling you that when they say, "happy," you say, "birthday" ("Happy!" "Birthday!" "Happy!" "Birthday!"). Who could forget Jasper T. Jowls, Pasqually, Helen Henny, and Mr. Munch? Oh, childhood. I weep for you. Trina thinks Kendall could find herself an age-appropriate Richie Rich at Chuck E. Cheese's in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-Polter-Cow- Chelsea
One of many pseudonyms for sweet-faced, gold-hearted sex worker Wendy, who is hired by Max's friends Brian and Fred to teach him about the birds and the bees. Maybe she was lying about being a Battlestar Galactica addict, but it turns out that she and Max did make a "connection" that night at Comic-Con (when all they did was talk). Her white knight pays ten grand to get her out of the prostitution business, and they live in harmony for a few days painting each other's nails. In the end, though, "Chelsea" repays Max by jumping ship and leaving a note thanking him for introducing her to the world of honest romance. Or, you know, regular old dishonest romance, but without the monetary compensation. She also drops off a thousand dollars and promises to give him the rest, so Max wasn't totally screwed in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-ninamazing- Chelsea #2
This Chelsea is the only one of that name Veronica found on the Erotic Critique, a detailed and multi-functional search engine for sex workers (God bless the Internet!). Unfortunately, this Chelsea's kind of a transvestite, not the cute-as-a-button hooker who sexlessly seduced Max at Comic-Con, only to find and then leave him again in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves".
-ninamazing- Chelsea Gay Saunders
- See Saunders, Chelsea Gay
- Chen, Julie
TV presenter. She got her big break as co-host of CBS's The Early Show. Then she became the host of Big Brother and the wife of CBS head honcho Les Moonves. Some critics said she compromised her integrity when she agreed to do that. Integrity? *pfffft* I don't need no stinkin' integrity. I would've married Les too if that meant I got to do a cameo in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-wyk
Played by Julie Chen.- Cheney, Dick
The Vice President of the United States of America and participant in such classic scandals as Plame-gate, Go F**k Yourself-gate, and the Dick Cheney Shot a 78-Year-Old Man in the Face-gate. Which will never stop being funny. Never. Veronica knows this well in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-alliterator- Cherie Parker Saunders
- See Saunders, Cherie Parker
- Cherie Woods
- See Woods, Cherie
- Chester
Absent poker player. Weevil is able to find a seat at the Echolls Christmas poker tournament thanks to Chester going AWOL. We bet it has something to do with the lack of clean underwear in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-Inigo- Chester #2
Mandy's Jack Russell terrier. It is his disappearance from the 09er house where Mandy was baby-sitting that leads to the uncovering of corruption at the local dog pound in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- Chester Yarbrough
- See Yarbrough, Chester
- Chesty LaRue
- See LaRue, Chesty
- Chicks on Speed
German-born electropop group requested at the beginning of the frat party edition of Club Flush. In addition to song-making, they also have their own record label, design clothes and artwork, and have published a book. They're a group of hard-working, focused young ladies, and they would probably have kicked the shit out of Mercer Hayes in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-tallow- Chico
A name and a number in a matchbook. Lilly tortured her mother by creating it and leaving it lying around, as she tells Veronica in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver."
-Inigo- Chief
Mexican law enforcement official. Sheriff Mars enlists his jurisdictional assistance in Cabo to apprehend a pair of fugitives wanted for questioning on the Neptune side of the border. Keith probably appreciates the chief taking time off from pursuing el cornballer in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-misskiwi
Played by Richard Romero.- Chimory, Jim
Lab tech corrupted by the 09er sports-fixing cartel. Jim-Chimory, Jim-Chimory, Jim-Chim-Cher-ee. Was lab work so yucky, you yearned to be free? Jim-Chimory, Jim-Chimory, Jim-Chim-Cher-oo. The stroke of a posh pen was money to you. For nothing but this, you'd hurt Wallace too. Like Dick Van Dyke before her, Veronica can't quite get the accent in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-Inigo- Chip Diller
- Chloe
Hearst College student. Along with Mason and Jessica, she encourages Wallace to watch a movie with her and stop stressing about school already. Since Wallace hasn't had spent time with a non-PI female in months, Chloe has no trouble persuading him. If you look closely, you actually can see Wallace's lips mutter "Study Shmudy" in 3.05 "President Evil."
-topanga
Played by Josie Lopez.- Cho, Hamilton
Student at Neptune High and potential valedictorian. He's a have-not, hard worker who finds it tough to compete for a much-needed scholarship against the pampered and hot-housed Sabrina Fuller. He plays fair; unfortunately, his father's misguided attempts to help lead to disaster in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."
-Inigo
Played by Leonard Wu.- Cho, James "Jim"
Father of Hamilton and proprietor of Cho's Pizza, home of the Peking Duck topping. He's proud of his son and wants him to go to Oxford. He can't afford to pay for it, so he tries other means in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."
-Inigo
Played by Nelson Mashita.- Choir Teacher
Neptune High Teacher. She's all glasses and teeth as she cheerfully encourages the students who audition for Cabaret. She cues Meg for her entrance in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."
-topanga
Played by Gwendolyn Oliver.- Chompers, Mr.
Nickname for Backup. Not to be confused with Superintendent Chalmers, Noam Chomsky, or Mr. Sparkle, Mr. Chompers is poised to take a bite out of crime. Literally. Is his bark worse than his bite in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings"?
-Polter-Cow- Chomsky, Noam
American linguist and political activist. He created a language model called generative grammar. According to Chomsky, "the grammar of a language is a statement of what it is that a person has to know in order to recognize an utterance as grammatical, but not a hypothesis about the processes involved in either understanding or producing language." As a native English-speaker and lover of grammar, I must say...I have no idea what in the heck Chomsky just said. Logan assumes Veronica is a fan of Chomsky in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-topanga- Choo, Jimmy
Designer of footwear for the rich and famous. Cash to ooze, fed up with booze? Buy some shoes to beat the blues. Want to choose and need some clues? Why not muse at Jimmy Choo's? Kendall teeters on his high heels in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Chorus
Character in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Is there anything that Jimmy Spain can't turn his hand to in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con"?
-Inigo- Chris
Someone who at one point in his life was born and therefore deserves a birthday party, according to Hannah's mother's desk calendar in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-Polter-Cow- Chris #2
A name on one of Mac's posters. Computer nerds must stick together and there can be no doubt that Mac is paying homage to MI.net's very own media king and coder extraordinaire, chris. Sweetie, you didn't have to put him up on your wall, you know. All it takes to get on his good side is
watera beer. He really is easy, unlike Parker in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-Inigo- Chris #3
Soccer dude at Hearst College. At least that's what the message says on Tony's door, where Chris reminds him of the game at 3 on Sunday. With big posters on his wall, Tony's a big fan...so why the f@#& does he call it soccer! It's football, dude! The beautiful game! Played mostly with the foot, not four tons of protective equipment grasping a pigskin. Chris reminds the rest of the world that the Yanks insist on going their own way in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Inigo- Chris Flores
- See Flores, Chris
- Chris M.
- See M., Chris
- Sgt. Chris O'Donnell
- See O'Donnell, Sgt. Chris
- Chris Talley
- See Talley, Chris
- Saint Christopher
A Christian holy man. The patron saint of travelers is in for a ride when Driver Ed buys his medal and then throws it away just to get some change. Ed jinxes his chances in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-grimsqueaker- Christopher Mapes
- See Mapes, Christopher
- Deputy Christopher O'Donnell
- See O'Donnell, Deputy Christopher
- Chu, Hsiang "Charleston"
Token minority Pi Sig. Nicknamed after a candy bar and forced to ladle out drinks at fraternity parties, things are getting worse and worse for Hsiang "Charleston" Chu when Veronica finds out his girlfriend is catting around with his frat brother Chip in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-bethgee
Played by Parry Shen.- Chuck Fenn
- See Fenn, Chuck
- Chuck Klosterman
- See Klosterman, Chuck
- Chuck Rooks
- See Rooks, Chuck
- Chuckles
An aborted nickname for Veronica by Logan. Did he realize that she doesn't laugh that often, or maybe that she wasn't a
evil, murderous, scaryclown? Or maybe clowns frighten him (like they do so many people) in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-alliterator- Chuya
A word that appears on page 86 of Priscilla's — a.k.a. Kendall — yearbook. Chuya? Who...what...where...is Chuya? Is Chuya really the name of a person who is associated with Handley High? According to the person who gathers the list of names for our Who's Who section, yes it is. According to the writer who is struggling to come up for a bio for this alleged person, Chuya is a river and mountain in Russia, therefore Chuya doesn't need a bio in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-wyk- Ciaran Fitzpatrick
- See Fitzpatrick, Ciaran
- Cindy
Another friend of Caitlin Ford. Except, maybe not any longer after Caitlin's skanky behavior in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Cindy #2
Another doll. The Brit alternative to Barbie, so less plastic surgery and top heaviness, and more cheap and cheerful, sort of like Madison and Mac. Mac's parents pondered between the names of the two dolls for their newborn babe, opting for Cindy. Thank god they didn't include other dolls on that list. Could we have liked Mac half as much if we'd learned her real name was Cabbage Patch Mackenzie in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb"?
-Inigo- Cindy #3
Freshman at Neptune High, the night of Shelly Pomroy's party. Considered easy, she had agreed with Dick to take Beaver's virginity that night. However, the girl had second thoughts, and better taste, and went home with Logan instead. All is revealed in 1.21 "A Trip to the Dentist."
-Inigo
Played by Billie Jones.- Cindy #4
Waitress at the Hut. Wow, Cindy must be a really popular name in Neptune. Or maybe the parents in Neptune are just really unimaginative. Cindy takes the cake (well, pie actually) in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-alliterator- Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie
- Claiborne Pell
- See Pell, Claiborne
- Claire Nordhouse
- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Indie rock band with the most self-consciously hip name, well, ever. I mean, really. "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah"? What does that even mean? It just screams, "No matter how much our music sucks, you won't be cool unless you listen to us and tell all your friends, BUT we can't actually get famous because then we won't be cool anymore." Max thinks he's cool, since he displays a CYHSY poster in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-Polter-Cow- Clapton, Sheriff
The sheriff of Kretchmer County, he investigates into Kendall's death at Keith's request. Does he sing about a white room with black curtains or possible the sunshine of his Deputy's love? We're not sure, though he does doubt Keith enough that he may be related to Sheriff Lamb. We bet he's happy that nobody's singing "I Shot the Sheriff" in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."
-alliterator
Played by Randy Mulkey.- Clarence Wiedman, Jr.
- Clark, James
Castle member, class of 1930. We heard James "The Reach" Clark was born on a small llama farm to former circus people. Young Jimmy thought he could fly like his hero, Superman, and jumped off the barn roof when he was five. Turns out that bump on his noggin made him one hell of a shortstop, if not a brainiac. Jimmy threw out his back reaching for a Toblerone bar before the ninth inning of The Big Game his sophomore year; today, he's a senator. James Clark is an inspiration to us all in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-starxdsparrow- The Clash
A legendary English rock group that started in 1976. In 1979, they released an album called London Calling, which mixed together styles from rockabilly, '60s-style pop, lounge jazz, R&B, ska, rocksteady, hard rock, and reggae and revolutionized the rock scene. Three songs from that album, "Train in Vain," "The Clampdown," and "London Calling" are still played regularly on rock radio stations. Piz doesn't live by the river, but he was able to find the album for only a dollar in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-alliterator- Claude Monet
- See Monet, Claude
- Claudius
A character in Shakespeare's Hamlet. Claudius poisons the rightful king, and with the help of his minions Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed, he takes over Denmark until Hamlet can oust him and complete the circle of life. No...wait. That's The Lion King. Well, whatever. Cartoons, the works of the Bard, Doctor Who, what's the difference, right? Judging by the chalkboard, Claudius, along with the non-animated, -musical, and -fun version of his tale, is apparently being studied by Mr. Daniel's lit class in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."
-public displays of lust- Clayton, Norris
Bully boy bomber or smitten savior? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to watch the spitballs and sneers of outrageous 09ers, or to take arms against a gal's tormentors and, by opposing them, end them. Norris is scary. He has that ancient weapon collection and a burning desire to be a ninja. He was a dreadful bully in his past. But now he's a proven marshmallow in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."
-Inigo
Played by Theo Rossi.- Cleaver, Danny
Hung over Los Angelan. And not related to Beaver at all. Also not a fastidious packer, ol' Danny boy (not to be confused with Danny Boyd) didn't even realize that his bag had been switched with Desmond Fellows'. Then again, all he packed in the bag was a blue robe, so methinks it wasn't really an essential item in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-alliterator
Played by Loren Freeman.- Clemmons, Van
- Clemmons, Vincent "Butters"
- Clerk
The hotel clerk that Nathan Woods questioned. Just because he had to serve him doesn't mean he has to like him in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-alliterator
Played by Kevin Gregg.- Clerk
Game parlor staff member. Probably disgusted by Veronica's clichéd idea of geek boy fantasies, he cutely rolls his eyes at her stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl disguise in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Bob Gunton.- Clete, the Crime-Fighting Canine
A dog who fights crime, kinda like Scruff McGruff. In Veronica's dream, Keith says that Lamb has to wear Clete's cape to all the elementary schools, showing that even in her dreams, Veronica metes out good punishments. We want to see Lamb in a cape in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-alliterator- Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel
A redneck hillbilly resident of Springfield, Cletus is married to his sister Brandine and has 31 children. Some might even have an IQ higher than 90. Cletus even has his own theme song:
Some folk'll never eat a skunk
and then again some folk'll,
like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel!
The only way James Bond could look like Cletus is if Wallace's tux was magical, which he says it is in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."-alliterator- Cliff McCormack
- Clifford Young
- See Young, Clifford
- Clint Eastwood
- See Eastwood, Clint
- ClosetLand
Poster on the Pirate's S.H.I.P. board. Not one for cryptic metaphors or cleverly devised aliases, ClosetLand's username and thread title clearly state his or her situation. Here's hoping he or she gets some good tips in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-grimsqueaker- Clove
The servant who spends Beckett's Endgame wheeling his master round in futility. Hey. Kevin Hand, jobbing actor, gets to play him in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."
-Inigo- Clown
Neptune High Student. We can't blame him for wanting to take a picture with a shirtless Wallace Fennel, but doing so while Wallace is duct-taped to a flagpole is just plain mean. Maybe his thinning-on-top coif longs to be in the presence of a thick head of curly hair. Dude tries to be a badass with Veronica, but the sight of her switchblade shuts him up in 1.01 "Pilot."
-topanga
Played by Randy Seidman.- Club Flush
A KRFF Hearst College radio show, hosted by the one and only Mercer Hayes. You have to admit, the name of his program upholds the same standards of base humor as Cap'n Krunk and Imitation Crab. However, while those pirate radio DJs were molested and nicknamed after a South Park character respectively, Mercer is only the owner of an illegal gambling establishment, the Benetian. He is suspected of being the Hearst rapist, though. We don't learn much about Flush in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon," but we learn more than enough in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-alliterator
All bios: 3.06 3.01- Cochran, Johnnie
Defense attorney who uttered the famous phrase, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" during the O.J. Simpson murder trial. Considering Johnnie's stellar track record in high-profile murder cases, why in the world did Abel Koontz turn down his legal counsel and hire Cliff instead? Is Koontz trying to sabotage his case or is he simply mesmerized by Cliff's deep silken voice in 1.01 "Pilot" and 1.08 "Like a Virgin."
-Inigo
All bios: 2.13 1.08 1.01- Cohen, Jason
Amira's boyfriend. Jason promotes diversity by shacking up with a Middle Eastern, cashmere-clad cutie, despite the disapproval of the girl's family. For his woman's sake, Jason even attempts to keep his affair clandestine, but when Amira's suitor snaps a few incriminating photos, he backs out of her life, and the episode. Jason avoids choosing between curry and gefilte fish in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti.".
-Alex
Played by Robert Sudduth.- Cole
- Colin Farrell
- See Farrell, Colin
- Colin Firth
- See Firth, Colin
- College, Joe
Weevil's moniker for college boy Logan. We'd criticize Weevil's definition here, as Logan is neither very average, like the name Joe would imply, nor extremely infatuated with college, as his reputedly low attendance record would attest. On the other hand, not going to classes is pretty average for college students, so maybe Eli's got a point in 3.05 "President Evil."
-grimsqueaker- Collette
Attendee at the Mann-Kuhne non-wedding. Who? How'd she get in the credits? How'd she get a name when the hot guy who cleaned Terrence's cars and got lots of lines just gets "Detailer"? WTF? We reckoned that maybe she was Paul's sister, but a quick gander at the sides shows that she was Paul's ex, and a lawyer, and a character with a lot of lines at one point. Hmm. Who'd she piss off in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed"?
-Inigo
Played by Katherine Cunningham-Eves.- Collins, Deborah "Cheyenne"
- Comaneci, Nadia
Romanian gymnast and multiple Olympic medallist. She charmed the world in the 1976 Olympics not least because she actually looked like a female, unlike the seemingly pre-pubescent Olga Korbutt, who had done the same four years earlier. Using it as a false name, Nadia was safe in her assumption that Dick would be clueless and not recognize such a renowned name, even if she did have breasts. Nadia and Nadia double-team in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Inigo- Conductor Frat Guy
Leader of the Greek Chorus serenading Pi Sig president Chip Diller after his unfortunate run-in with an Easter egg. Isn't it a relief to see that the maturity level of Neptune's kids rises exponentially after graduation? Imagine how Chip would have suffered had this been at Neptune High in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Kevin Foster.- Conductor's Buddy
Greek Chorus member. We can't quite decide what makes this guy uncooler: mocking a victim of sexual assault, or attacking a petite blonde in a food court brawl, but let's just say that neither make him look very gentlemanly in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Lee Smith.- Connie Francis
- See Francis, Connie
- Connor Larkin
- See Larkin, Connor
- Constable Decker
- See Decker, Constable
- Cook, Jackie
- Cook, Michael
Castle member, class of 1929. Back when liquor was hard to come by, even in an affluent environment, Michael Cook made sure his clientele had the finest hooch this side of the Rio Grande. Cook kept the other fraternities on campus soaked and the local speakeasies happy. His entrepreneurial spirit was what got him elected to join the Castle; his quick wit and sly charm is what got him a job heading up the newly formed California Highway Patrol. Hey, it could have happened. We don't know, but we'll bet he looks like a young Erik Estrada in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-starxdsparrow- Cook, Terrence
- Cookin_With_Luvin
Featured lady of premiereescorts.biz. She's 21 years old, measures 32C-23-34, stands 5'11", weighs 119 lbs, and is blonde-haired with brown eyes. Well, this won't do at all. 118 is the heaviest I'll hire. Mac and the Beav want a secret ingredient other than Luvin in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-marksoflove- Cooper, Nancy
- Cooper, Paul
Email correspondent of Woody Goodman. Apparently, Mr. Cooper has a financial question for Woody and would like Woody to call him when...? When he's figured out how to win back any popularity he lost with his failed attempt at incorporation? When he's managed to stop the Mars family from revealing his secret child molesting ways? When the cows come home? When pigs fly? Or perhaps just when he has the answer to the question. The time may or may not have come for Woody to email Paul Cooper back in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."
-public displays of lust- Coppertop
One of the gaming club screen names. It would make sense that Liam's nom de geek is Liamator. However, as he battles it out on the screen, he shows up as Coppertop. Go "Huh?" with us in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."
-Inigo- Cora
- Cora Briggs
- Corazon Soliman
- See Soliman, Corazon
- Corey
Market owner. And by "market," we mean "low-end convenience store patronized by less-than-savory clientele." And by "less-than-savory clientele," we mean strippers. Veronica and Tim Foyle likely won't be return customers after 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-misskiwi- Corky
A fratboy at Pi Sigma. Is Corky dorky while reading Gorky? Does he watch Porky's while eating pork-y with a fork-y? Okay, now I'm stretching it. Corky puts a cork in it (well, considering he never shows, that's the assumption) in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-alliterator- Cormac Fitzpatrick
- Corny "Douglas"
- Corrigan, Professor
- Cortez, Hector
- Costanza, George
Best friend of Jerry Seinfeld on Seinfeld. A neurotic serial monogamist, George Costanza liked velvet and avoiding responsibility of all types. He had many adventures with shrinkage, alternate personas, and criminal apathy over the long, long run of Seinfeld and is pretty much absolutely nothing like Keith Mars in any way, excepting a vague physical similarity. Yet, one of Keith's blind dates still feels the need to make the comparison in 2.18 "I Am God."
-public displays of lust- Costner, Kevin
Actor who was screwed in his divorce. Believing himself to be one of The Untouchables rather than simply play one, Aaron Echolls adopts The Upside of Anger to exact Revenge on Lynn, in The War that has become their marriage, leaving her No Way Out. In A Perfect World, Logan could have acted as The Bodyguard. Instead he prays that she send him a Message in a Bottle from her Waterworld. It all goes down in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."
-Inigo- Cotter, Carla
Cheating wife. Life isn't kind to Carla Cotter: her husband is never home, the man she loves has driven himself over a cliff, and her lover's wife certainly doesn't seem the type to just chat and make up. Maybe the resemblance to Lianne Mars isn't only physical in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Kristin Dattillo.- Cotter, Jeff
Betrayed husband. Even though he would willingly give money to "Save the Beaches," his wife Carla loved Driver Ed more than him. Sometimes, environmental awareness isn't enough, as we find out in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Gregory Thirloway.- Cottontail, Peter
Bunny who delivers Easter Eggs. He hippity-hops his way around town, letting all the little children know Easter's on its way. The song has been around for ages, but somehow we doubt it's ever been used to mock someone who got raped with an Easter egg before. Peter doesn't hop in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-funky-donut- Countess Magee
- See Magee, Countess
- Courtney
Karaoke singer who bears an uncanny resemblance to the lead singer of the Dandy Warhols. He rains on Lars's parade and alludes to Veronica's romantic woes by reminding the patrons of the Hut that "
LoVeLove Hurts." His appearance is not short and sweet to the soul in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."-Polter-Cow
Played by Courtney Taylor.- Cow Poke
A fratboy on the Pi Sigma scoreboard. Does this nickname mean he's a cowboy type from the Wild West, or is he simply a wild and crazy guy who likes to…um…penetrate full-figured women? We probably can't handle the truth, though we desperately want it, in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-topanga- Craig Newmark
- See Newmark, Craig
- Craig Smith
- See Smith, Craig
- Cramer, Judge
Corrupt Neptune Judge. Veronica knews him as a bribe-taker from the days when Keith was sheriff — the good old days, you might say. He was reelected despite Keith catching him taking bribes, and even the spelling of his name already sparks controversy: is he related to Sarah Kramer or not? He also likes to walk around in other people's shoes, preferably high heels. Maybe he should have given Milf a call and bonded with her, instead of having a tickle fight with in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-funky-donut, dutchmoxie- Crawford, Judge
A judge who throws parties, including one where Keith met
MayaHarmony Chase. Larry Crawford, perhaps? Or Joan Crawford? Cindy Crawford? Or perhaps "Judge" is his first name, like Judge Reinhold. He's a mystery in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."-alliterator- Crawford III, Franklin
-
Castle member, class of 1929. As great-grandfather of Jennings Crawford (technically Jennings Crawford II; he's such a wannabe), his powerful seed spread throughout generations of men with two last names. The Crawford legacy is destined to produce the one man who can defeat the ultimate evil, the man with two first names: Rob Thomas. The ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny does not take place in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-Polter-Cow - Crawford, Jennings
Student at Neptune High. Or is he? Who is Jennings Crawford? One of many students at Robert E. Lee High School? A cunning linguist with a crush on a cook? Or the second-best tennis player at Neptune High? When Jennings Crawford looks in the mirror, who does he see? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. Witness Rob's continuing shoutout in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-Polter-Cow- Crawford, Joan
Movie Star. She may have broken into Hollywood as a dancer, but Joan Crawford left as a mega-star. She starred in numerous films, including Queen Bee, Humoresque, and Possessed, before scooping up an Oscar for 1945's Mildred Pierce. Her affair with Clark Gable and her enmity with Bette Davis were infamous and, apparently, teen girl fodder. Veronica gives Wallace a hard time for enjoying Joan's performance in The Women. Buck up, Fennel; you're man enough for us in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-Alex- Crawford, Larry
Rich and naughty 09er dad. Does Rob know Larry too? His liberal use of Larry's son's name in his other works could mean it is so. Larry looks pained, if indeed this is Larry and not one of the other corrupt parents, in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-Inigo- Crawford, Nancy
Mother of 09er tennis player. She and her fellow Boatloads of Fun shareholders might want to rethink their strategy, as they don't seem to having much of the game in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-Inigo- Hank "Crazy Hank" Melton
- See Melton, Hank "Crazy Hank"
- Creedence Clearwater Revival
Rockabilly-cum-country band of the late sixties, early seventies. According to Lianne, their music goes with hot dogs and tater tots. This "Guide to Sounds to Eat By" is distilled, unlike Lianne, in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver."
-Inigo- Creutzfeldt, Hans Gerhard
Moo! Mooo moo moo moo! MOO! Moo moo—okay, so the disease that this German neurolopathologist lends his name to isn't exactly the same as Mad Cow Disease, but it is very closely related. What were they thinking, anyway? "Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease"? Couldn't they have named it "Crazy Human Disease" or "Koo-koo Pants Disease" or "Brains Like Swiss Cheese Disease" or something? They could have at least had the courtesy of having last names that were easier to spell. (Pfft. Germans.) We find out Coach Barry suffered from Creutzfeldt's namesake disease in 3.14 "Mars, Bars."
-misskiwi- Crinkshaw, Jessica
Celebrity about to sign a fifteen million dollar contract. If "studio execs guarantee Crinkshaw the highest female contract in movie history," you'd think Strike wouldn't make her first name damn near illegible, would you? Perhaps the fourth estate is less than courteous because it considers the money wasted. She shares the cover with Aaron Echolls in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons," and the story is seen again when Aaron is featured on Tinseltown Diaries in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-Inigo
All bios: 2.15 1.12- Cristopher
Sports star. "Cristopher" is another satisfied costumer of Curly's, who favors an indecipherable handwriting. Veronica finds his picture in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-grimsqueaker- Crockett, Miss
The female equivalent of Sonny Crockett. Veronica calls herself this when undercover. Would she rather be played by Don Johnson or Colin Farrell? Methinks the second one. Veronica is Crockett (without the white jacket and necklace) in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-alliterator- Crockett, Sonny
Miami Vice police detective. In a series that was always more about style than content, Don Johnson wore a mean Armani. Leo does his best but...not so much in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo- Crown, Thomas
Rich thief. Played in two different versions of his Affair by Steve McQueen and Pierce Brosnan, this suave millionaire-cum-billionaire robs banks and museums just because he can. Weevil's cash box heist earns him a Crown comparison from Veronica, but she must have had somebody else on her mind. A wealthy, bored criminal who makes out with his female investigator? Um. Veronica's a tad bit distracted in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-marksoflove- Cruise, Tom
Actor and soulmate of Katie Holmes, unlike Tom Cruz who, in more ways than one, is a fictional actor and soulmate of Catie Lenova. Cruise's breakthrough was in Risky Business, where he appeared without his pants. Logan's breakdown was in 1.15 "Ruskie Business," so he celebrated in a similar fashion. No wonder a fearful Veronica is checking the ceiling in case a pair of hairy legs is descending, looking to
brainwashcapture her heart in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking," or that she wrinkles her nose at the thought of watching him in Taps on 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-Inigo
All bios: 3.15 2.20 1.15- Cruz, Anthony Thomas
As Tom Cruz, the actor and soulmate for whom Catherine Lenova searches. And like all soul mates, illusory. (Editor's note: No bitterness there then?) Fake woman looks for fake man for a fake motive. What she really seeks is a stool pigeon employee who faked loyalty and who is living a fake life under the Witness Protection Program. All we really can say for sure about Tom is that he is attached to his Catahoula Leopard dog. Hey, maybe they're soulmates. He risks all for love of his dog in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo- Crystal
09er with $50 to spare. She is a teenager looking for the goods on her mother. She is excited to learn that her mother sued for emancipation at sixteen before moving to Hollywood for bit parts in Z-movies. See her smile in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo
Played by Katie LeClerc.- Cummings, Gerald
Castle member guilty of election fraud. Sure, only Veronica and Jake Kane know which election got sabotaged, but we have our suspicions. Bush/Gore? Flick/Metzler? HUDSON/BLANCHETT??! Gerald Cummings rigs results in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-Alex- Cupid
God of love, banished to Earth until he can match up one hundred happy couples. Going by the name of Trevor Hale, he gets into all kinds of wacky trouble with his psychiatrist, Claire, and his roommate, Champ. Unbeknownst to him, but knownst to us, Rob Thomas is filming his every move, crafting his adventures into funny and insightful episode-length stories. Suddenly, A Big Cow from a Heavenly Barn destroys his entire existence. Jackie has the good taste to save his tales on her TiVo in 2.05 "Blast from the Past," and Veronica earns the moniker for no good reason in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.15 2.05- Curator
The man whose eyes pop out of his head on the sight of Van Gogh's Two Lovers. Neptune is such a special place. Curators. Auctioneers. What's the diff? None, as Keith leaves the valuable painting in the hands of a stranger with instructions to realize the value and donate the money to the Neptune Food Bank in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week"
-Inigo
Played by Koury Brown.- Curious Georgette
Vinnie's term of endearment for Veronica Mars. Never one for originality, Vinnie borrows from the Rey's Curious George books for little 'uns. In the popular stories, George's curiosity regularly got him into trouble, forcing the man in the yellow hat to rescue him. Hey! Did we see Keith in a yellow hat in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed"?
-Inigo- David "Curly" Moran
- Curry, Michael
One of the boys from Woody's Little League team. OMG, MICHAEL, DUCK! You are about to be decapitated by that blunt object aimed directly at your neck in 2.22 "Not Pictured"!
-wyk- Curtis
Student and jock at Pan High. He gets one line and a drink in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."
-Inigo- Curtis, Ron
Friend of Jake Kane and advisor to Senator Rake in Washington. Jake wants to use his money and connections to get Duncan a summer job in Washington; Duncan wants to use his dad's money and connections to float in a pool while listening to an iPod in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."
-Inigo, wyk- Custer, General George
A Man with a Last Stand. A reckless, egotistical man who won many battles in the Civil War, Custer was eventually brought down at Little Bighorn while making a, you know, last stand. Mr. Wu hangs his poster in 2.17 "Plan B."
-funky-donut- Customer
Hearst College student. Far from being only a lowly student assigned to write an essay about Jack London's favorite theme of man in his eternal, futile struggle against the forces of nature, he aims to solve one of the greatest literary mysteries of all time: did the manly-man author die of natural causes, or was he actually killed in a conspirative mercury poisoning? And here you thought majoring in English was dull! A library customer's vivid imagination might get the better of him in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Matthew Patrick Davis.- Customs Agent
A fella who likes to ask upfront about any contraband the visitors to Mexico might be carrying. We wonder if he really likes performing full cavity searches on guys like Ziggy in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."
-alliterator
Played by Chris Salcedo.- Cute as a Bug Manager
She agrees to hire Jackie at Java the Hut, only if Veronica promises to fire her if she sucks as a waitress. She's cute but non-confrontational and knows how to delegate in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-topanga
All bios: 2.19 2.01
Played by Meredith Roberts.- Cute Girl
Aesthetically pleasing female. Personally, she's not my type, and I'd rather write about her friend, but she doesn't get any lines, so, apparently, she's not IMPORTANT. She would likely say the same thing as Cute Girl here, who asks Logan about some sort of party in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-Polter-Cow
Played by Chevronne Burton.- Cyndi Lauper
- See Lauper, Cyndi
- Dean Cyrus O'Dell
