Who's Who of Veronica Mars — G
Mysterious being. Are we stuck in House of the Dead 2? Is G. leaving his bloodstains all over the place? Is G. even a guy? Is G. even HUMAN? DOES G. STAND FOR GIRAFFE?!?!?! That's the most plausible explanation. A giraffe entered Hearst and left a message on Anthony's whiteboard at some point before (or possibly during!) 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."-Polter-Cow
- G., Kenny
Runs Evermore Guitars. When he can be pulled away from pretending to be a rock god, he is everything you'd expect from a loser wannabe. We wonder if he surfs the net. He also snarks at Lamb. Does that mean he is not all bad in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb"?-Inigo
Played by Steve Monroe.
- Gabe Huntley
- See Huntley, Gabe
- Gabriel's Thunder
A horse, of course, of course. Why does Professor Grace Schaffer have Desmond Fellows' hotel-room TV tuned to horse racing? Does she expect he'll be quick out of the gate? A dark horse in the running for her affection? Hung like a...? Oh, never mind. The equine enigma is never explained in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."-bethgee
- Gabrielle Pollard
- See Pollard, Gabrielle
- Gacy, John Wayne
Serial killer and Landry poster-boy for how what you see ain't necessarily what you get. Gacy was a psycho, except he wasn't, and they have his brain in a jar to prove it. He murdered 33 boys and young men for...kicks. Or something. During his downtime, he was a pillar of society. He liked to dress up as a clown and entertain children. Some folks really are just too twisted to understand, like Gacy and the interior decorator of Mel Stoltz's office in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."-Inigo
- Gale, Dorothy
Kansasian and fictional character. She was trapped in her house during a tornado and woke up in the Technicolor country of Oz. She was portrayed by in the 1939 movie, and she subsequently went on to become a gay icon. The term "friends of Dorothy" is sometimes used for the gay community. Though Tobias Fünke probably doesn't know that, Wallace sure does when he insults Lamb in 3.14 "Mars, Bars."-alliterator
Played by Christopher T. Miller.
The Master of Mary Jane. The Sovereign of Smoke. The Great God of Grass. He's the Ganja Buddha! And he's probably eating some munchies and making his "special" butter while watching Veronica's "special" video (aptly and grossly titled, "Emission to Mars") that he received in an email. He's probably great friends with Corny, too, in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-alliterator
- Gant, Bill
Played by Albie Selznick.
- Gant, Casey
Cartoon cat. A cheesy grin, large eyes, and enormous back paws are coupled with a lazy wit and a lazier lifestyle in newspapers around the world, including those delivered to the 09er estates of Neptune. Spawning demons such as Garfield: The Movie, the comic strip led to an explosion of merchandise, none more ubiquitous than the stuffed version. In Neptune, it clings to the plastic windows of a high school student's jeep in 1.20 "M.A.D.," and the strip engages Duncan almost as much as the news that he killed his sister in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver."-Inigo
All bios: 1.22 1.20
- Garfield, William
Castle member, class of 1935. William's secret divulged during his initiation into the Castle was that he repeatedly stuffed his annoying roommate into a box and shipped him to Abu Dhabi. William proved a disappointment to the Castle, as instead of becoming rich and powerful post-graduation, he mostly just napped and ate lasagna. William's name still lives in infamy on Jake Kane's hard drive in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-misskiwi
- Garret Fisher
- See Fisher, Garret
- Garrison Jr., Aaron
Associate of Vincent Van Lowe. He is responsible for getting rid of Debra Villareal's car from outside Sabrina Fuller's house so Veronica doesn't pin Sabrina's harassment on Vincent. Gary gets his orders in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."-Inigo
- Gary Fenlaw
- See Fenlaw, Gary
- Gary Jones
- See Jones, Gary
- Gatsby, Jay
Protagonist of The Great Gatsby. A self-made millionaire with a dubious reputation, lots of party guests and only one true friend, Gatsby yearns for the love of his former squeeze, Daisy, but of course all goes to hell, due to materialism and lack of true feelings. Logan might take Jay's fate to heart in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-grimsqueaker
- Geena Stafford
- See Stafford, Geena
- Geils, J.
Musician and namesake of the J. Geils band. Veronica reckons he's right. Love stinks, leaving one alone strapped into uncomfortable underwear. He/They are right about something else. Our angel is a centerfold. Find it yourself on the net. Veronica sobs and we throb in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."-Inigo
- General George Custer
- See Custer, General George
- Geoff Stack
- See Stack, Geoff
All bios: 3.17 3.17
Played by Jeremy Glazer.
- George Harrison
- See Harrison, George
- George W. Bush
- See Bush, George W.
- George Costanza
- See Costanza, George
- George Dedlos
- See Dedlos, George
- George Fenn
- See Fenn, George
- George Orwell
- See Orwell, George
- George Patterson
- See Patterson, George
- George C. Scott
- See Scott, George C.
- George Washington
- See Washington, George
The maker of those fine, tasty express subs in the building next door to Madame Sophie's. Actually, we don't really know if s/h/it's subs are fine or tasty. They could be nasty and gross, although we doubt it, in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."-alliterator
Neptune High student and certainly on Wallace's mind. Wallace, you should make every effort to keep her around. Do you know how hard it is to find a cute, nice girlfriend who is shorter than you? She is the slightly thick but pretty and pleasant victim in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-Inigo, wyk
Played by Kyla Pratt.
- Gerald Cummings
- See Cummings, Gerald
Resident advisor at Lannigan Hall, San Diego State University. WTF!? Is it common for RAs to act as young and stupidly as their charges? Did he ever try to find out what the Silicon Mafia were up to or did he just want to keep chillin' in an absurd hat? Did Veronica know he'd be a pushover when she went for the keys to Grant Winters's room or was she just lucky in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con"?-Inigo
Played by Brennan Taylor.
Hamlet's mom. She married her dead husband's brother within
seconds minutes hours days weeksmonths of becoming a widow, freaking out her adolescent son. "Frailty, thy name is woman," says the bitter youth, condemning her rush to incestuous sheets. "Tosh," says Gertrude, "but come on over for some motherly love." Okay. We made up the second one. Gertrude's status is explored in English class in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
- Gibbons, Dave
A British graphic artist and writer, Dave Gibbons is best known for illustrating Alan Moore's superhero deconstruction epic Watchmen. Max says he talked about Dave's latest work to Chelsea. Quis custodiet ipsos 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves"?-alliterator
- Gibson, Bryan
Successful candidate for the office of Secretary in the student council elections in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."-Inigo
- Gil Thomas Pardy
- See Pardy, Gil Thomas
- Gilda Kane
- See Kane, Gilda
- Gills, Deputy
- Gilmore Girl
One of the two titular Lorelai Gilmores in Gilmore Girls. Oy with the pop culture references already! It's not like those coffee-drinking cuties known for their witty repartee have drastically increased the number of people seeing a certain crime-solving cutie known for her witty repartee. Besides, if Wallace were really a Gilmore girl, he would have found Logan's "half brother" a little more familiar. One thing we do know, however: Wallace would totally clean up at Al's Pancake World. Wallace does not, sadly, exclaim, "Copper boom!" in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-Polter-Cow
- Ginsberg, Mr.
Subject of an article in the Chicago Statesman. Probably not the poet, Ginsberg is nonetheless worthy of a newspaper top story. We are left to wonder what exactly he scores in 2.11 "Donut Run."-grimsqueaker
She takes the bomb hysteria sweeping Neptune High as an excuse to go home, raising suspicion that it is love of the beach that drives her away rather than fear of the school blowing up in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."-grimsqueaker
Played by Anneka Nishijima.
- Girl #2
A friend of Hannah's. She, er, likes large grey sweaters and pink shirts...and, uhm, fails to have a name. Yeah. She also informs Logan that Hannah has been sent to boarding school in Vermont in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-public displays of lust
Played by Reem Mahmood.
- Gitlin, Howard
Castle member, class of 2010. HOMG, he graduated in the future!!! Wait, this just means he hasn't graduated yet. HOMG, he's calling from inside the house!!! Wait, this just means he's a regular Hearst student with a dirty secret and a fast-track to success. HOMG, we don't see him in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back"!!!-Polter-Cow
- Gittelson, Tammy
Wrote the article about Patrice Pitrelli in the Hearst Free Press. In a piece dated around November 19, 2003, "Theta Beta pledge falls off house roof — Pitrelli '07 falls off sorority house roof while girls were sunbathing," Tammy is spookily prescient, mentioning a serial rapist in the first paragraph: that, or the Hearst rapist has been in action a lot longer than previously thought. Maybe we've got son of...brother of Sam at work, freeing scalps in some sick tribute. Whatever. And whatever her skills, creative writing is not shown to be one of them in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-Inigo
- Givens, Lawrence
Hearst College graduate — class of 1931 — recruited by the Castle. The writer spent an hour weaving a complex tale of Larry's father, a young immigrant teaching himself English from a copy of The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire on his way to Ellis Island, a clerk there who had a head cold and cloth ears, and the man's amassing of a fortune serving as a gigolo to New York society. These humble beginnings were the secret of the newly-rich family that should have been called Gibbon and it was excellent — witty, moving, a little risqué. The internet ate it. The writer is now sulking and suggests you just watch 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-Inigo
Sully's roommate. He may also be an evil hellgod named Bory. Glen is Bory. Now, do we suspect that Glen and Bory have some sort of connection? Nobody's very stoned, but we suspect Glen will be in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."-alliterator
Played by Charlie Weber.
- Glen #2
Unless Sully's skipped out and it's the same guy, another Hearst College roommate. This Glen shares his room with a rico suave nerd, giant posters of soccer players, and the smell that can only come from the rooms of those who partake of vast quantities of alcohol. At least he's got the TV to keep him warm in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."-Inigo
A poster on the Pirate's S.H.I.P forum with a surprisingly dirty name who responded to ParaVISION's thread "I'm circumcised, have my been violated or infringed upon?" GoalHole might be providing some useful advice for the Paraster, but we'll never see in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-alliterator
- Goat Boy
Pi Sigma Sigman. Perhaps if this satyrical fellow focused his saturnalia less on billy goats gruff and more on maidens fair, he'd have a frat score higher than nine points. Lechery is wasted on the...wait, is there a proper target for lechery? Anyway, it's there in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-marksoflove
- Godot, Dr.
One of Neptune's doctors. "Paging Dr. Godot. Dr. Godot, you have patients waiting for you. Paging Dr. Godot. Where are you, Doctor Godot?" "It's not worthwhile now." "No, it's not worthwhile now." "Well, shall we go?" "Yes, let's go." Godot fails to show in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."-alliterator
In Neptune a Goethals lies rotting.
The grave is not key to the plotting.
But Casey and V
Walk past he or she
En route to more plot points allotting.
The headstone is seen in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."-Inigo
- Goff, Lauren
Roommate of Jenny Budosh, one of the members of the Aspen Fake ID Let's Blame Weevil Club. When she sees Veronica's attempt to figure out who else is in the club, she is enthusiastic, which just goes to show that she shouldn't throw stones at blondes if she's living in a glass house. Also, living in a glass house? The next reality show. Lauren Goff doesn't scoff in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-alliterator
Played by Anna Rose Hopkins.
- Gold, Mr.
Owner of Gold's Gym, whose equipment sits in Wallace and Piz's room. Mr. Gold is a sweet septuagenarian hiding a dark past...as an agent of the Third Reich! Okay, maybe not. But still, one does wonder why his name is so cool-sounding in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-alliterator
- Goldberg, Justin
Journalist. He has a special interest in Cathy Belben Concert Hall but a "special" interest in hyphenated words. Really, Justin: what the hell are "technology-pumped doors"? In most hyphenated words, there is an implied by. Horse-drawn carriages are drawn by horses. Neptune-sponsored murder is sponsored by Neptune. What kind of doors are pumped by technology? What does it mean for a door to be pumped, period? And by the abstract concept of "technology," no less! Are these some sort of Wellsian contraptions, the products of an addled mind so concerned with moving forward that the innovation has looped around into retrograde eccentricity? Justin needs to read Strunk and White in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."-Polter-Cow
- Goldman, Kenneth
DJ of "Goldman's Gold" on Hearst Radio. What constitutes "gold"? Songs from albums that sold more than 500,000 copies? His own personal favorites? Songs by rappers with gold teeth? The mystery continues in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."-fulfilled
- Goldman, Linda
Staff writer on the Neptune Register. Her story on Ray Lee Hampstead's daring daylight escape from custody made the front page on September 27, 2004. Does her interest in journalism spawn from a family connection to Emily Goldman, noted anarchist, or does she merely dabble between checks from the Goldman Sachs-held trust fund? Who knows? She knows, but she ain't telling in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."-Inigo
- Goldman, Stanley
Writer for the Hearst Free Press. His article on the popularity of Study Abroad programs confirms one thing we were quite capable to guess after nearly three years in Neptune: the best direction in this town to take is one out of it. Stanley gives helpful hints how to escape in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-grimsqueaker
An ex-hobbit in J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings quadrilogy (Gollum was in the prequel, The Hobbit). Sauron's ring transformed Gollum from a nice hobbit into a twisted creature consumed with greed, willing to bite off anybody's fingers to get his hands on the ring. His mantra? "My preeeccccioooousss." For some reason Gorya "Gory" Sorokin feels like Gollum when holding the new Castle confessions. That's a bad metaphor, since we don't think it's the confessions that transformed them into greedy people. We're thinking that perhaps Logan should have bitten off Gory's finger to teach him a lesson: leave the geek culture references to the professionals. Unfortunately, there's no finger biting in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-alliterator
- Gomer, Jay
Castle member, class of 1969. Jay Gomer was a successful businessman, clearly lord of the bling, until an encounter with a mysterious pirate made him think, "Ahoy, mateys!" He took stock of his life, and then this happy-go-lucky Hearst grad changed his name to Steve and became lord of the Pi's. By which I mean he found a tribe of transcendental numbers and became their leader. Sometimes, he took time off to direct television shows, but he did not direct 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-Polter-Cow
- Goodman, Mrs.
- Goodman, Gia
- Goodman, Rodney
- Goodman, Woody
- Goodwood, Mr.
Woody's password to get into his computer network. We aren't sure what Woody is actually saying here, but he's possibly referring to his excellent carpentry skills. Veronica says she doesn't want to touch his keyboard — she must be talking about all those pesky wood shavings that get caught under the keys in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."-fickledame
- Goose, Ramone
Not George-Michael or Boy George, but rather the leader of
Jews for JesusSemites for the Saviour, a group with rather unfortunate initials.-misskiwi
- Goran, Dylan
He's a producer. He has a goatee. He beats Trina. His first name is Dylan. His full name is an anagram of "Randy Logan," "A glad Ronny," and "Arg! Lynn D.O.A." Trina, how many more signs do you need before you realize that this guy is a total loser? So why does it makes us uncomfortable watching Aaron beat Trina's loser boyfriend to a bloody pulp? Oh, I know why. It's because Aaron is a complete PSYCHO in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."-Inigo, wyk
Played by Jeff Parise.
- Gordon Lightfoot
- See Lightfoot, Gordon
- Gordon Peters
- See Peters, Gordon
- Gorya "Gory" Sorokin
- See Sorokin, Gorya "Gory"
- Government Teacher
He tells his students to break up into groups of four, making Veronica the odd-woman-out. Did he bother to count the number of students in his class before making this humiliating request? Or was this fast-talking teacher daydreaming about the livestock auction he'd be calling later that day in Chino? No one is sure in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."-topanga
Played by Tristan Poje.
- Grace Manning
- Professor Grace Schaffer
- See Schaffer, Professor Grace
- Graham, Benita
Student of biology. Benita? Benita? Anyone? Anyone? Is Benita in class today? Hello?!?! Benita is or isn't present in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-funky-donut
- Gram O'Dell
Publishing magnate and Casey's grandmother. The nickname? The senior Gants would call it affectionate. But what else would one expect from a leeching daughter and son-in-law? They are seen for what they are in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."-Inigo
- Grant, Ulysses S.
Eighteenth President of the USA whose head graces $50 bills. This portrait is greatly enhanced by the addition of the words "Veronica Mars is smarter than me." Our pleasure is greatly enhanced by Lamb having to read those words out loud in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."-Inigo
- Grant Winters
- See Winters, Grant
- Great Triton
Leader of the Tritons. Or a figment of the imagination in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."-Inigo
- Greely, Nestor
- Greenblatt, Harvey
- Greene, Billy
PCHer and part-time punching bag. The Fitzpatricks beat him up when the PCHers are a little short in their drug money. Veronica flicks his black eye when he doesn't answer her questions. Lord only knows what his arrow-shooting big brother would do to him if Harry ever found out that Billy asked Veronica to keep quiet about Liam Fitzpatrick killing Harry's beloved dog in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-wyk
Played by Matt Bush.
- Greene, Harry
Neptune High student. He hires Veronica to find the madman who ran over his dog. He bears a slight resemblance to Principal Clemmons, and he has a strange relationship with bow and arrows and fake deer. Harry goes all Cheney on them in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-topanga
Played by Tommy Snider.
Garage rock revival band. These guys just couldn't let garage rock die in the '60s like all those people in Vietnam! Also, they can't spell. Clearly greenhorns to the English language, they have a poster seen in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."-Polter-Cow
- Greg Louganis
- See Louganis, Greg
- Greg Sachen
- See Sachen, Greg
- Gregory Barker
- See Barker, Gregory
- Gregory Edgar
- See Edgar, Gregory
- Griffen, William
Castle member, class of 1932. Young Billy Griffen wanted nothing more than to ensure his legacy as California's greatest architect, eventually designing one of America's finest inventions: the La-Z-Boy recliner. Sadly, he lost the plans in an intense round of quarters with Edwin Shoemaker, and after many unsuccessful attempts at recreating his design, he gave up and traveled by train to Michigan to demand a rematch. However, he got tanked, missed his stop, and ended up in the seaside town of Quahog, Rhode Island. Maybe his file has a clue to where you might find some of his descendants these days in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-starxdsparrow
- Griffith, Hannah
- Griffith, Dr. Tom
- Grigsby, Howard
Neptune High student. Suspiciously, he shares a name with a producer on the show. Is it possible that a real-world producer has turned into a fictional teenager? Does Howard yearn for the life he left behind, a life full of money, power, and hoodwinking the S&P department? Or is he too busy remembering that King Philip Came Over For Great Steaks in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks" or receiving his fictional high school diploma in 2.22 "Not Pictured"?-Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.22 2.19
- Grimley, Mrs.
Resident of Kretchmer County who hates jalopies. That's a totally decent position to take, I must say. I mean, anyone who knows anything about science knows that rotting jalopies are completely
mentalmetal. Mrs. Grimley, who misses her son Ed, is tagged as a whiner by the local sheriff in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-Inigo
- Groban, Josh
Grammy-nominated crooner. In most circles, Josh Groban is revered for his rich, sophisticated baritone, but to the half-drunk eye of Boss Man Rob (just kidding, Mr. Thomas, sir!), the vocalist is most well known for looking like a brainy freshman pledging The Castle. We think the comparison is a stretch to begin with, and we were really confused by the pledge's dirty blonde locks (which don't exactly mimic Josh's dark curls) but we'll let Rob Thomas get away with anything in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-Alex
- Grossman, Adam
Writer of an article about a string of robberies in Neptune. Or at least it's supposed to be a string, but the headline reads "burglary case" instead of "cases". He also misused an apostrophe in "Robertson's," so Adam apparently doesn't place too high a priority on grammar or facts. That may be picky, but does anyone who helps Vinnie's cause to bring down Keith and become sheriff deserve the benefit of the doubt? I think not in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."-misskiwi
Missing dog, not to be mistaken for this other missing dog. They just accidentally look alike, really. It's not because they are both played by Kristen Bell's own dog, Shakes. Bell's lovable pointy-eared fur kid models Grover — and Shakes — in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."-grimsqueaker
- Grover Hayes
- See Hayes, Grover
A poster on the Pirate's S.H.I.P. who ponders, "gay, or just open?" That's a very good question, Ms. LOVER. If you enjoy the occasional grrl-on-grrl action, does that make you a total homosexual or just someone open to not using vowels once in a while? Reply to this topic in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-Polter-Cow
- Gucci, Guccio
Designer. Jackie and her dad spend daddy/daughter time flipping through magazines for prom dresses. Jackie admires a Gucci dress, but perhaps now the Cook family finances are in deadlock, shopping at K-Mart would be more in her price range. Whether the prom dress she decides on is designer or high-street, she looks lovely in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."-fickledame
Character in Hamlet. He is nought but a pawn, as unbeknownst to him, his enemy, Florin, has engaged one who takes pride in that prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition — starting a war. He is to be blamed for the murder of Buttercup and.... What? Oh, Guildenstern. Ah. He is nought but a pawn, as unbeknownst to him, his enemy, Hamlet, has engaged in that prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition — forgery. He and his friend are to be blamed for the fomenting of troubles between Denmark and England and are executed. The end. Life sucks when you're a minor character. Mr. Daniels should know in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
- Gustavio "Reaper Gus" Toombs
- See Toombs, Gustavio "Reaper Gus"
- Guy Abruti
- See Abruti, Guy
- Guy with Camera
This fan asks Logan, "Are you the son?" Did he really think Logan could be the Echolls's daughter? Give him points for bravery, not genius. He eventually gets a picture of Aaron and Logan in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."-topanga
Played by Carey Scott.
- Gwartz, Tucker
Email correspondent of Dick Casablancas. He wanted to know about "surfin" while what he probably should have been lookin into was improvin his spellin. How's he goin to be producin a show about detectivin without any book-learnin? Tucker needs some lessons in grammar and capitalization in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-misskiwi
- Gwen Bagnall
- See Bagnall, Gwen