3.13 "Postgame Mortem"
Aired Feb 13, 2007
- Postmortem (Things)
Episode title: "Postgame Mortem"
Literally the Latin for "after death," this word often refers to an autopsy. Here it just means that the coach died after the game. See what they did there?!
- Meth lab (Things)
"Did you hear about the fire in Veronica's neighborhood? Somebody's meth lab blew up or something. Bet you can see it from the balcony."
If you're feeling that your life has been a bit dull and depressing lately, you'll be chuffed to know that you can mix up your very own psychostimulant using common household products. Many enterprising young chemists do that these days, and we're sure Dick probably knows all of them — he's never been one to turn down a dangerous and unwise pastime. It's a mark of how completely whipped Logan has become that this sarcastic revelation actually gets him on the balcony. Maybe Dick should just have pulled a Lucille Bluth and left a graham cracker or two out there.
- N.I.T. (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"He found the bloody clothes, then he found the ring...Tom's N.I.T. championship ring."
"You took the N.I.T. ring off your dad's finger?"
For those schools who think the whole "March Madness" business is a little too glamorous, there is the National Invitation Tournament (N.I.T.). Although it pre-dates the traditional NCAA Division I Championship by a year, the N.I.T. is thought to be a poor man's substitute, even referred to as the "Not Invited Tournament" in some circles. Winning the N.I.T. is sort of like taking home the championship trophy in Arena Football...sure, it's a victory, but not exactly the Super Bowl, right? While the tourney's stigma doesn't stop Coach Barry from being proud of his Hearst team, it does guarantee that his championship ring won't be stolen off his cold, dead hand.
- Howard Hughes (People)
The Silence of the Lambs (Movies)
"People walk in, they don't think, 'This little clean area is Dick's, and the hidden bottles of urine are Logan's.' They think 'Silence of the Lamb's basement,' and their desire to get naked near me takes a nose dive."
Looking for a cheap way to up the ante on the squalor factor of your pricey hotel suite? Try bottling urine! It's the go-to decor for wealthy recluses everywhere! Well, perhaps it's something uniquely attributed to the eccentric millionaire playboy/obsessive-compulsive Howard Hughes, but Dick accuses Logan of hiding bottles of the substance amidst their ruined residence. In the same vein, Dick also likens the suite to the repugnant basement from Silence of the Lambs. In that 1991 Oscar winner, serial killer Buffalo Bill sequesters his victims to a dirty hole in a basement until they lose enough weight to easily peel their skin off. Eww! Come on, Dick, it still can't be as bad as the Pi Sig house. Can it?
- Who's Who bio: Howard Hughes
- Nintendo Game Cube (Sports, Games and Toys)
"Could you show me how to hook up your Game Cube?"
Before the Wii, the Game Cube was the video game system that Nintendo used to promote its Super Mario Brothers franchise. Still available in stores today despite originally going on sale in 2001, one can be yours for about $99.99. It is surprising, though, that Logan is still playing one of these. It would seem like he should have a Wii or a PlayStation 3. All the cool kids have one. And you would think that all young adults who live without parental supervision in four-star hotels definitely have one.
- See all references about Nintendo
- Mario Kart (Sports, Games and Toys)
"You know, you can play Mario Kart online. We should have a weekly game or something, keep you sharp."
Here we go! Wahahahahaha!! Mario Kart may very well be the best racing game of all time, as it combines some of gaming's most beloved characters with slick racing gameplay that involves shooting turtle shells that richochet off walls and turning all of your opponents into teeny-tiny little people. It's easy to learn how to play but impossible to stop playing. Well, sometimes your mom unplugs the console. That pretty much does it.
- See all references about Nintendo
- Shangri-la (Religion, Folklore, and Urban Legends)
"Your life is so cool. You have this huge TV with video games and a balcony. You live in Neptune."
"Yeah, it's Shangri-La."
When we ordinary folk toss "Shangri La" around in a conversation, we're usually thinking of Angelina Jolie wearing a sexy eye patch, but before the Luminary of Luscious Lips hit the scene, the Shangri-La was the paradise featured in James Hilton's Lost Horizon. We may never know which version Logan claims to inhabit when Heather Button compliments his spacious balcony, but we will remember that WOOSHing sound of the reference going over Heather's cute little head.
- Amy's Ice Creams (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"My family comes to Neptune every year for vacation. Do you ever go to Zip's? Best ice cream in the whole world."
"No, no. Amy's is better."
Best ice cream in the whole world, just like Logan says! How Logan knows this is a mystery, since you can only find an Amy's in Austin, Houston, and San Antonio, all in the great state of Texas. And since Texas is bigger than California, Amy's is way better than Zip's. This chain is known for its incredible personality, which manifests itself in quirky original flavors like Cop Stop, which is coffee ice cream...with donut pieces! The next time Logan's arrested, maybe he should bring some of that to bribe Sheriff Lamb. Heck, bring some for Sacks, too. That mustache has quite the sweet tooth.
- Paris Casino (Places)
Set in the heart of the Las Vegas strip, the Paris Casino stands out among its peers as the only building affixed with a gargantuan hot-air-balloon replica on its roof (a prominent landmark visible from Mr. and Mrs. Dick's hoel room). The casino can quickly transport a tourist from the Nevada desert to the brick-laid streets of France; gamblers can also retire to their rooms using L'elevators or grab a bite to eat at Le Bar du Sport. These names do exist; I only wish I were joking. No wonder the French hate us.
- Texas cheerleader murder (Events)
"A woman in Texas hired a hit man to take out the mother of her daughter's cheerleading rival, so, you know, I'm pretty much willing to consider anything. Where do you keep your gun?"
Geez. Some parents. I mean, there are stage parents, and then there are really, really overbearing parents who are totally living vicariously through their children's accomplishments. One has to wonder what exactly would cause a mother to become so invested in her daughter's cheerleading career that she would plot a murder. And here's where it gets really twisted — because it wasn't bizarre enough already. Wanda Webb Holloway was upset that her daughter, Shanna, hadn't made the cheerleading squad, so she plotted to kill Verna Heath, the mother of Shanna's rival, Amber, so that Amber would be distraught and perform poorly at the tryouts. Yeah, because that says, "I love you, sweetie!" like nothing else. Veronica is soured on the human experience (huh...what else is new?) and refuses to give Mason the benefit of the doubt, because once cheerleaders go bad, where else can the world go?
- Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Movies)
"I know it always says that the movie title isn't listed on the bill, but you guys know, right?"
"So true. It was Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
"Sex. Murder. Mystery. Welcome to the party," proclaims the movie poster for the 2005 thriller Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. This Robert Downey Jr./Val Kilmer vehicle follows a thief, a dame, and a private eye as they solve a murder in L.A. Is the fact that Landry claims to have watched this particular movie a clue? Or is it, like Communism, a red herring? Oh, wait, wrong movie. That was, uh, Clue.
- "What's Left of Me" (Music)
"Now I'm broken
And I'm faded
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have what's left of me"
"To a very special girl. So, if you're out there and you're listening, Veronica, this is from Logan. He's sorry, girl, and he wants you back."
Ah, the love story of the century, played out in the music scene of the late '90s and early '00s, but coming to a tragic, heart-wrenching end as Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson went their separate ways. She moved on. Quickly. He wrote sad, regretful, take-me-back/no-don't-I-hate you songs, like the one that Heather dedicates to Veronica in Logan's name, promising to give her everything that's left after his heart was decimated and left bruised and bleeding on the side of the road. Romantic mental image, no?
- Who's Who bio: Nick Lachey
- See all references about Nick Lachey
- Robert Downey Jr. (People)
Val Kilmer (People)
"It just reminds me of that one scene from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
"Yeah, you know, after Robert Downey Jr. dies, Val Kilmer gets a message from him?"
About 15 years ago, Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer were bright young Hollywood stars. The former earned an Oscar nod playing Charlie Chaplin; Kilmer took on the role of Jim Morrison and donned the Batman cape. As the millennium approached, things turned sour for Downey, who battled a crippling drug addiction and a view of rock bottom from a strange child's bed. Kilmer, meanwhile, dealt with a high-profile divorce and...well, At First Sight couldn't have helped matters. The two united in 2006 in the very sharp and funny Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which brought both actors back onto the radar (and onto the pay-per-view menus at the Neptune Grand).
- Count of Monte Cristo (Literature)
"I think you'll really enjoy the Dumas book. It's quite chunky."
Granted, The Count of Monte Cristo is a pretty heavy read — written by Alexandre Dumas in 1844, the story of love, revenge, betrayal, mistaken identity, and redemption sounds like it could be an everyday occurrence in Neptune. Veronica makes it an easier read for Josh's prison stay, hiding cookies in this jailbreak classic. A slightly less daunting task than Edmond Dantès' tunnel dug out of Chateau D'If, but really, she only had to get the cookies past Lamb, and all that takes is a book that looks like it has big words.
- Aileen Wuornos (People)
Aileen Wuornos was a prostitute-turned-serial killer whose life and execution inspired several books, documentaries, films, and even an opera. Hank Landry lumps her in with serial killers who operated under the guise of seeming "ordinary." Wuornos' life, however, was anything but that. She was born to a convicted child molester, began prostituting herself at a young age, married a socialite, and murdered seven men over the course of one year. Wuornos was in and out of jail on various charges for her entire adult life. Even her prison term was notable when a couple adopted her because Jesus told them to. Makes us wonder (and worry) about what Professor Landry considers "ordinary."
- John Wayne Gacy (People)
Professor Landry loves to keep the mood light in his criminology class: the students scramble during carefree whodunnits, they playfully plot perfect murders, and they view slideshows of serial killers during lecture. Landry features everybody's favorite block-party clown, John Wayne Gacy, during a tilt-a-whirl of fun one breezy afternoon. Gacy, who murdered 33 boys in only 6 years, buried the majority of his victims under his home. This may seem like serious business to us, but for Landry, it's just a warm up to a class-wide game of Clue.