3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill"
Aired Feb 06, 2007
- "The Morning After" (Music)
Episode title: "There's Got To Be a Morning After Pill"
"There's got to be a morning after," warbles Maureen McGovern in the Oscar-winning theme to the 1973 movie The Poseidon Adventure (also known as "The Song from The Poseidon Adventure" — seriously). It's a hopeful note in a movie about a huge disaster, as whatever happens (a shipwreck, an unexpected abortion), tomorrow is a new day.
- "Just the Way You Are" (Music)
"Don't go changing."
"Just the Way You Are," from the 1977 album The Stranger, was Billy Joel's first top ten hit. He asks that his lover not "go changing to try and please [him]," as he loves her just the way she is. He doesn't need her to be smarter, or prettier, or anything other than herself. Logan loves Veronica as is, but he certainly wouldn't mind if she backed off on some things. But she's Veronica, so she won't or is simply unable to. Someday, she'll find someone who doesn't have any nasty secrets for her to dig up.
- RU-486 (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"I got pregnant and someone slipped me RU-486."
Mifepristone (trade name: Mifeprex; common moniker: RU-486) is an artificial steroid that, in combination with a second drug (misoprostol), aborts pregnancies. Mifepristone can be used as an emergency contraceptive, but only if taken after sex and before ovulation; if roommate Phyllis knew those intimate details of Bonnie's conception, they really are best friends. It's more likely that Phyllis slipped Bonnie a standard dosage, Bonnie saw her doctor and realized what happened, and Bonnie's doctor had no choice but to complete the abortion. Lest Mars viewers lie awake in fear after learning of Phyllis's actions, it's worth noting that you shouldn't be able to get your hands on mifepristone unless you've had a pregnancy test and an ultrasound. So just don't be friends with anyone who's both meddlesome and pregnant, and you're golden!
- Roofied (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"What thing? The "she roofied me" thing?"
Rohypnol is most commonly known as roofies, and it's used as a date-rape drug. It lowers the inhibitions of the person dosed and usually causes them to black out, not remembering anything. Although Veronica was given GHB, not Rohypnol, it has similar effects, and Veronica is using the term generically. Sorry, there's just no way to be funny about a date-rape drug.
- Mark of the Beast (Religion, Folklore, and Urban Legends)
"You do your hair like that to cover up the three 6's on your scalp, right?"
The Mark of the Beast is identified in the New Testament's book of Revelation as the number 666. It's an easy way of identifying the Antichrist, as these numbers appear somewhere on his person, usually on the head. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of interpretations of this number. Many of them use the argument that the number 7 is spiritual perfection; 777 is about as perfect as you can get, so 666 falls short of perfection, much as the evil one will always fall short of Jesus Christ. Of the numerous people this Antichrist could be, suggestions are Nero, President Reagan, and, now, Dick Casablancas. I guess Dick's floppy hair could cover the mark on his head. After all, the letters in his name (Richard Casablancas) number 18, which, when broken down, is 6x3, or 6+6+6. Coincidence? Maybe. The only way we'll find out is if Dick gets one of those low-maintenance haircuts like Chip.
- See all references about The Bible
- Maxim (Literature)
"I just feel like you have this wadded-up Maxim magazine where your heart's supposed to be."
Too prudish for Playboy but frustrated that Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue hits newsstands just once a year? Maxim magazine is the perfect compromise, providing airbrushed but tasteful pics of nubile celebrities and models, scantily clad, along with some great articles (seriously!). Personally, I'd peg Dick as a Hustler guy, myself.
- "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (Music)
"Is it some kind of weird sport for you? You know, breaking dudes' hearts? What you put another notch in your lipstick case?"
Pat Benatar rocked the 1980s with her moussed hair and garish eye makeup. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" was her first top ten hit, and it tells the sweet tale of a confident girl flirting with an equally confident lad. He has a history of breaking hearts, as does she, so she insists he prove that he's as cool as he thinks he is before she decides to hang out with him. Putting a notch in a lipstick case is kind of an odd picture, but it's a nifty way of saying a girl gets around, as Dick implies Veronica does.
- MAD Magazine (Literature)
"What, me worry?"
Alfred E. Neuman coined his now-famous phrase "What, me worry?" back in the July 1955 issue of Mad Magazine, a periodical famous for its childish articles and satirical lampoons. So it's no surprise when Dick, an avid magazine-picture-looker-at-er, spouts the catchphrase in response to Veronica (rather harshly) breaking the news that Logan slept with Madison, Dick's former flame. It was a nice try, but we're calling this reference lame, Dick.
- Indiana Jones (Movies)
"Wow, Raiders of the Lost Dorm Room?"
"Her dream is to be the female Indiana Jones."
"This belongs in a museum!" is the famous cry of sexy, adventurous archaeologist Dr. Jones, played by Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones and ... well, you get the idea. While the life of an actual archaeologist involves slightly less sword-fighting and sleeping with hot Nazis — and slightly more watching documentaries on people digging up fossilized teeth, as roommate Phyllis points out — Bonnie Capistrano's still got the bug. She likes her mysteries ancient and covered in dirt, so it's left to Veronica to figure out who terminated her pregnancy. Yeah, I think Bonnie still leads the Rough Day Parade; the worst thing Indy ever faced was a horde of impatient students knocking on the door of his office.
- Who's Who bio: Indiana Jones
- What to Expect When You're Expecting (Literature)
"He bought her What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The book for pregnant women, What to Expect When You're Expecting has been around for over 20 years and is in its third edition. It has also spawned many similar books, such as What to Expect: The First Year and What to Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting, as well as countless knockoffs. Is there a What to Expect When You Don't Know Who the Baby-Daddy Is? What to Expect When Your Best Friend Doesn't Approve of Your Pregnancy? In that final instance, sadly, what to expect is this: expect to be dosed with RU-486.
- Footloose (Movies)
"Bonnie's a preacher's daughter. How very Footloose."
So you gotta cut loose, do you? Kick up your Sunday shoes? You're just feeling Footloose. In this classically cheesy 1984 movie, the preacher in a small town has banned music and dancing after a tragic accident. His daughter, hating the strictures, finds herself attracted to the quick-to-break-into-dance new kid from Chicago, and they boogie their way to love to tunes by Kenny Loggins and Deneice Williams. Bonnie, the preacher's daughter of Hearst, has also figured out a way to flout her dad's rules, but she knows that as wild as she may be, he'll always be there if she needs him.
- Dick Tracy (Literature)
"His password is Dick Tracy? Oh, that is adorable."
Tough-as-nails detective Dick Tracy has been matching wits with criminals since 1931. With an array of advanced technology at hand (literally, in the case of a walkie-talkie watch), he studies a crime scene and figures out whodunnit. When Dick Tracy is after you, consider yourself caught. Tim, the nerdy, slightly creepy TA, probably idolizes the famous detective, but as we all know, he's no match for our Veronica.
- Who's Who bio: Dick Tracy
- The Scarlet Letter (Literature)
"This young lady..."
Nathaniel Hawthorne's protagonist from the classic The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne, had everything going for her: she was a good Puritan and she knew her way around a sewing circle. However, she was too passionate for her own good and ended up alone in America and pregnant by the local pastor. Shamed and shunned by the community, Hester lived on to raise her daughter despite what the town thought of her. Methinks she and Veronica would have gotten along well. I only hope that Veronica would never get as close to the pastor as Hester did.
- Space Ghost and Dino Boy (TV)
"Wait. I just remembered. I turned on Space Ghost."
Thaddeus "Space Ghost" Ghostal is a spectre of many talents. First appearing on the scene way back in 1966, he was the star of an animated television series, Space Ghost and Dino Boy, detailing his career as a superhero. Like all good heroes, he retired to the quiet life, only to return triumphantly to television in 1994. Hardly aged a day, Space Ghost hosted the lauded and lyrically titled late night talk show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Though the program is currently only shown on television in reruns, SGC2C remains in the hearts and minds of drunken college students everywhere.
- Who's Who bio: Space Ghost
- See all references about Space Ghost and Dino Boy
- Terry Jones (People)
"Terry Jones was the guest."
Python. No, not the snake. A member of the infamous Monty Python gang. Worshiped by this humble CR writer and Anthony Martin for his amazing sense of humor, which is known to include accents and coconuts, he is also very helpful to our favorite sleuth in solving the case of the murder of the Dean. We now have a time of murder, thanks to his sense of humor.
- Spam (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"They talked about Spam."
Egg and Spam. Egg, bacon, and Spam. Egg, sausage, and Spam. Spam, egg, Spam, Spam, bacon, Spam, Spam, and Spam. These are just a few of the tantalizing breakfast foods featured in the 1970 Monty Python sketch that had Anthony Martin giggling while Dean Cyrus O'Dell turned cold in an office not twenty minutes away. Processed meat is great and all (especially when it's always shaped in such a perfect little curved rectangle!), and nobody ever said the British weren't the ultimate masters of wacko comedy, but Anthony? Next time, instead of drunkenly hurrying home to guffaw at the telly, call the effing police when you hear a gunshot.
- Nancy Drew (Characters)
"My name is Carson Drew and this is my assistant Nancy."
Nancy is the titular heroine of a book series aimed at young adults. Other than being blonde and having a nose for clues, Nancy and Veronica have little in common. Likewise, proud papa Keith doesn't really jive with Carson, Nancy's dad. We always considered Keith more of an honorary Hardy Boy anyway.
- Nadia Comaneci (People)
"That redhead from yesterday. Does she have a last name?"
"Do you think I'm an idiot? Nadia Comaneci is an Olympic gymnast from Romania."
Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci is an Olympic gold medalist (five times over) and is on the books as the first gymnast in the history of the Games to earn a perfect 10.0 score (following her uneven-bar routine at the 1976 Summer Games). In other fun facts, Nadia chose the theme of American soap The Young and the Restless as her floor exercise's accompaniment. The songwriter subsequently changed the song's title to "Nadia's Theme." Hum a few bars — you know you can. While Dick would surely appreciate some gymnastics in the boudoir, all he's got from Hearst's Nadia is a fake name and a fuzzy sense of regret.
- Who's Who bio: Nadia Comaneci
- Today sponges (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"Was she picking up something for you?"
"Hopefully a box of sponges."
A trendy method of contraception in the 80s, the "sponge" (the most popular brand of which was the "Today") was a little, yellow, but not necessarily better, top-shaped device that was supposed to — erp — plug one's dam to prevent spillover. Pulled off the market in 1994 (much to Elaine Benes's chagrin), the Today brand hit U.S. shelves again in September 2005. With "typical" use, one can expect a failure rate of up to 16 percent. No wonder Bonnie suspects Dick of baby-daddy status...
- The Bible (Religion, Folklore, and Urban Legends)
"Judge not lest ye be judged"
"Judge not lest ye be judged" is an oft-referenced passage from the Bible. (Curious readers might like to know it's Matthew 7:1.) Our returning OPJ accuses no-longer-his Veronica of judging his behavior. Ergo, he can judge her behavior, too. Maybe he should have a chat with the wise TV reverend about anger and letting things go, no matter how much someone annoys you.
- See all references about The Bible
- Either/Or (Literature)
"Have you seen my copy of Either/Or
Either/Or, a sample of Søren Kierkegaard's early work on the phases of existence, is the first book the Danish author wrote pseudonymously. It may sound erudite to you and me, but to our girl Veronica, it's just a misplaced bedtime read she's hunting for on the way to Philosophy class.
- Fly in the ointment (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"How do you think a televangelist with a pregnant unmarried daughter would pray to his flock? Fly in the collection plate perhaps?"
A "fly in the ointment" is some small problem that spoils something, or else is just a big pain in the ass to deal with. It can be something hidden that's newly come to light, proving all kinds of troublesome. For instance, a televangelist has to give off an air of untouchable piety for his flock to follow him; an unwed, pregnant daughter would not quite fly. Heh.