3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill"
Aired Feb 06, 2007
Veronica: I'm so sorry, Bonnie. I'm looking for the least rude way to ask you if you know who the father was...and that's what I came up with.
Bonnie: It was Tim...or Dick.
Veronica: Fair enough. So, did Tim or Dick know about the baby?
Bonnie: They both did. At first I was just so freaked out, I didn't even think I wanted to keep the baby. I went to Dick and asked if he'd help pay for the procedure.
Veronica: How did that go?
Bonnie: He said he'd pay...after I got a paternity test.
Veronica: Yeah. He's a classy dude.
Veronica: Did you and Madison have sex over winter break? I asked you point-blank.
Logan: And I lied. Point-blank. It wasn't information that you had a right to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing.
Veronica: Which thing are you talking about? The "she roofied me" thing or the thing when I stumbled to my car in the morning, wondering where my virginity was, and she'd written "slut" on my windshield? Was that what you thought I couldn't deal with? I am so genuinely sick right now. If I could have eaten anything today, I'd be throwing up all over your floor.
Logan: We were broken up at the time.
Veronica: You know how I feel about her. There's no way that, at some point while it was happening, that you weren't thinking about how much I'd hate you being with her.
Logan: It wasn't like that.
Veronica: No? Do you want another variation? 'Cause I've got a million sickening scenarios running on a loop right now.
Logan: I wasn't trying to hurt you.
Veronica: Oh really? Imagine if you tried.
Veronica: So, Bonnie Capistrano tells me you knocked her up and blew her off.
Dick: Yeah, whatever happened with that?
Veronica: You do your hair like that to cover up the three sixes on your scalp, right?
Dick: I told her to get a paternity test. I'm not here to help her turn a profit.
Veronica: I just feel like you have this wadded-up Maxim magazine where your heart is supposed to be.
Dick: Oh, I'm heartless? First Duncan, now Logan. You're running out of rich bachelors' heads to mess with. Is it some kind of weird sport for you, you know, breaking dudes' hearts? What, you put another notch on your lipstick case?
Dick: Can we be done? I've got things to do. Redheaded things. Nadia!
Nadia: There's my big, dumb blonde.
Veronica Voiceover: It must be a liberating thing not to be cursed with a moral compass.
Veronica: Bonnie's a preacher's daughter. How very Footloose.
Veronica Voiceover: Sometimes when things don't work out the way a girl wants them to, there's nothing quite as satisfying as the hissy fit.
Veronica: Oh, I hate this stupid day! Ugh! Uuuugh!
Janitor: Are you okay?
Veronica: No. This is, like, the worst day ever of my entire life. I was supposed to meet my brother at his office, and he's not here. And he's not picking up his cell, and he's not even my brother anyway because my parents just told me I'm adopted!
Janitor: Is this his office?
Veronica: Uh-huh. Thanks. You've been so helpful.
Veronica Voiceover: If I have to see this one more time, I'm having my frontal lobe removed.
Keith: Good. You're up. I've got a little conundrum. Nish says she egged the dean's Volvo on campus the night he was murdered. Mindy says she had the Volvo parked at the Neptune Grand all night. Any guess as to who's lying?
Veronica: Both of them? I don't know.
Keith: Your lack of opinion concerns me.
Veronica: Logan and I broke up...again. My idea this time.
Tim: I'm in a hurry, Veronica.
Veronica: I know you enjoy screwing with me, but it's kind of losing its charm.
Tim: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Veronica: I checked my grade online. It said I got a B. You and I both know I got an A.
Tim: I entered an A. You were looking at someone else's grade.
Veronica: Like I didn't look carefully. Either you did this on purpose, or you messed up the entry.
Tim: Why didn't you print out a grade report, hmm?
Veronica: I shouldn't have to. I should have the grade I earned.
Tim: My space. Your space. Ah, here it is. An A, like I said.
Veronica: Huh. Maybe I was looking at someone else's grade.
Veronica Voiceover: How does it empower you, Veronica, to know Madison brings her laundry home from USC each weekend? Shut up, sane Veronica. I'm in charge now.
Madison's Family: Surprise!
Madison: Aah! Oh, my god!
Veronica Voiceover: And watching her get a new Mercedes for her birthday...very healing. At least it's reminded me that I need to buy Mac a present.
Madison: Oh! Thank you!
Veronica Voiceover: "Gotzmine." You win, crazy Veronica. She's all yours.
Dick: Did you hook up with Madison?
Logan: I did. It just happened, you know. I didn't think you had any feelings left over her.
Dick: It's still uncool. You don't do that to a buddy. And by the way, you laying in here in the dark is pathetic.
Thurman: It's nothing, Ted. This young lady—
Veronica: Hester. I was hoping you could help me.
Ted: I can always try. So, what can I do for you?
Veronica: I'm pregnant, and now I don't know what to do.
Veronica: Is there any way you could tell me who came into the clinic between Thursday and...
Dr. Chambliss: You don't really expect me to say "yes," do you?
Veronica: Had to ask.
Veronica: Hello? Anthony. Just the guy I wanted to hear from. I am absolutely a good time.
Weevil: Oh, you sought me out. That can only mean one thing — you need a favor.
Veronica: Is it a favor if it's something we both would enjoy? Remember you told my criminology class about how you stole some guy's car and had it crushed?
Weevil: Yeah. Why?
Veronica: Maybe I was thinking about having someone's car stolen and crushed.
Weevil: Oh. What happened? You broke up with Logan? Good for you. I'd be happy to have Logan's car crushed. What's he driving?
Veronica: Not his. A little Mercedes at this address. You can't miss it. The plates read "gotzmine."
Weevil: Wow. I'm surprised somebody hasn't crushed it already. Whose is it?
Veronica: Madison Sinclair's.
Weevil: From high school — I remember. She lost a hubcap and told the principal I stole it for drug money. So, you want her car cubed, or...
TA: Thank you so much.
Weevil: Oh, no problem. And the next time I need some literature compared, I know you'll be there for me.
Weevil: Now, this has nothing to do with you and Logan, right?
Veronica: Did I come here for therapy or to get a car stolen and cubed?
Keith: "Does everyone go to heaven?"
Veronica: Actually, what does it say? I've got intro to theology next semester.
Keith: Mmm. Doesn't look like it.
Eddie: Yeah? Who are you?
Keith: My name is Carson Drew, and this is my assistant, Nancy.
Veronica: Wow. Impressive. I hear modern breasts is a really hard class.
Dick: The rebound starts with me? Nice!
Veronica: That redhead from the other day, Nadia — does she have a last name?
Veronica: What? Dick, do you think I'm an idiot? Nadia Comaneci is an Olympic gymnast from Romania.
Dick: You sure? I mean, she doesn't have an accent.
Nadia: I have a pal named Dick?
Veronica: Dick Casablancas. Nadia, I know you know him. I saw the two of you walking together,and when I asked about you, he told me your last name was Comaneci. I just want to know—
Nadia: Okay, that Dick. Yeah, um, I got drunk at a party, and I made out with him for like five seconds, and then I gave him a fake name. ...What? Would you want him calling you?
Mindy: Keith, it's Mindy O'Dell. Listen, can you come right away? There's someone in the house downstairs.
Keith: Where are you?
Mindy: I'm in my bedroom. I'm with the boys.
Keith: You call the cops?
Mindy: You're closer, and you're competent.
Weevil: We're all set to go as soon as they finish. I even washed it so it'll be all shiny when we crush it. I know it doesn't sound logical, but trust me — it's much better.
Veronica: Let's not do it.
Weevil: Are you sure? 'Cause I did go through all the trouble of stealing it.
Veronica: Here's a little something for the effort. Maybe you could open a can of tuna, set it inside her a/c vent, then park it back on the block.