3.10 "Show Me the Monkey"
Aired Jan 23, 2007
- Jerry Maguire (Movies)
Episode title: "Show Me the Monkey"
"Show me the money!" cried Cuba Gooding, Jr., in his Oscar-winning role as a professional football player who felt underappreciated in the movie Jerry Maguire. Gooding parlayed his Oscar into such classic films as Snow Dogs, a rescue-dog caper, and Boat Trip, in which he pretended to be gay to pick up chicks. Those movies may have shown him the money, but not so much with the respect.
- See all references about Jerry Maguire
- Wikipedia (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"Oh, and Wikipedia says, 'Not a what, but a where, called manila after hemp from the Philippines."
What did we do without Wikipedia? Need to know the gross domestic product of Angola, the birthdate of Charles de Gaulle, or the runner-up of the last eight Real World/Road Rules Challenges? Wikipedia is the go-to spot on the Internet. Term papers will never be the same, and neither will Mars Investigations with this handy tool in the arsenal.
- The Incredible Hulk (Literature)
"Wow, this is one trashed lab. All that's missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk."
Don't make nuclear physicist Dr. Bruce Banner mad. Bad side effects of exposure to gamma radiation give this mild-mannered doctor a huge green version of Mr. Hyde. He might trash your lab and maybe even, in his state of blind rage, refuse to use the door. But in this case, who could blame him? I'm sure if he found out about the killing of that adorable monkey, Hulk mad. Hulk smash. Hulk...pour green tea over the computer? Uh, yeah, maybe not. I'd think he probably stays away from consuming as much green stuff as possible.
- "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!" (Music)
"Mac. And the people coming to take me away."
"Those nice young men in their clean white coats, and they're coming to take me away, ha ha!" goes the funny-in-a-disturbing-way 1966 novelty song by Napoleon XIV. Spoken-sung over a snare drum, Napoleon explains what drove him to insanity- was it an ex-lover or his dog? The white-coated scientists Mac brings to Veronica are not from the funny farm, but Veronica wouldn't be surprised if they were.
- Saturday Night Live (TV)
"We're talking monkey, as in..."
Before Shrek, Austin Powers, and even prior to Wayne's World coming to the big screen, one of Mike Myers' recurring Saturday Night Live characters was the anemic and asexual Dieter, host of the fictional German talk show Sprockets. Whenever Dieter became slightly uncomfortable, he would fill the awkward silence by asking his guest to "touch [his] monkey! Touch him!" While there was a skittish primate on the show, the argument can be made that this request contained some double entendre.
- "Chopsticks" (Music)
"It's not just any monkey."
"Please tell me he plays piano."
"25's a genetically altered capuchin monkey. Its uptake prohibiter proteins have been coded to allow us to monitor cholesterol breakdown at a cellular level. And he can play Chopsticks."
"Chopsticks," the piano melody so simple even the dimmest musician can pick it out, is actually a waltz, written in the late 19th century. Tom Hanks famously played it on a giant floor keyboard in the 1988 movie Big. 25 may be a lab monkey, but he's a lab monkey with musical talent!
- The Big Lebowski (Movies)
"Yes, I know exactly who stole him. It was those damn fat kids."
"Because, I take it, monkeys are delicious? And, dude, "girth-challenged" is the preferred nomenclature."
- Who's Who bio: Jeffrey Lebowski
- See all references about The Big Lebowski
- PETA (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"Yes, I know exactly who stole him. It was those damn PHAT kids."
"'Cause I take it monkeys are delicious?"...
"P-H-A-T. People for Humane Animal Treatment."
PETA members would rather go naked than wear fur. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is an organization devoted to stopping animal cruelty of any kind. Its members tend towards the vegan side of things, and they've gotten much attention for their splashy naked-famous-people ad campaigns.
- Charlie's Angels (TV)
"Okay, the more, the merrier. All we need is one more angel, and we've got a show!"
Charlie's Angels was a late-'70s to early-'80s television show featuring gorgeous women working as spies for the mysterious Charlie. More recently remade as couple of glossy movies starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz; it's difficult to see Mac as an Angel. However, Parker is definitely the Drew Barrymore Angel.
- Who's Who bio: Charlie's Angel
- Ted Nugent (People)
"You know, Bronson, that psycho, bow-hunting rocker guy Ed Argent is playing downtown tomorrow night. We should consider picketing the show."
The epitome of white-trash guitar-rock, Ted Nugent (who "Ed" is clearly modeled after) helped bring music fans such ass-kickin' songs as "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang," "Cat Scratch Fever," and (with Damn Yankees) "High Enough." But these days, he's perhaps better known for his outspoken advocacy of guns and the Republican party. One of Nugent's neighbors in Texas? President George W. Bush. Huh. That explains a lot.
- bender (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"At first, I thought he just had a bender and fell asleep at his desk, but then I saw blood and the note."
A bender is a binge. An orgy of drinking. An excess. To go on a bender is to go off the deep end, buck wild into the depths of the booze. Dean O'Dell did not, in fact, go on a bender, but I bet he wishes he had. Would have made getting shot in the head easier to stomach.
- Goodbye Cruel World (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"He had a memo on the screen, saying 'Goodbye cruel worldzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.' I guess his head fell on the Z."
A quick Google search reveals "Goodbye, cruel world" is a phrase in Kurt Vonnegut's 1961 novel Mother Night, a 1961 song by James Darren, and a 1979 song by Pink Floyd. Whatever its origin, the phrase has now become synonymous with the idea of committing suicide to escape this cruel, cruel world.
- Garden State (Movies)
"So, what, you're just going to mope around like the guy in...what's that book where the guy's mom dies, and he comes back to Jersey? He's got that motorcycle sidecar..."
"Garden State was never a book."
Yes, Zach Braff has a motorcycle sidecar that Peter Sarsgaard rides in while Natalie Portman rides on the bike with Zach. The movie was Braff's college dream, which he wrote over the course of several years, and then he directed, produced, and played the lead role in the angsty, sullen-boy-learns-to-be-happy movie of 2004. Why Dick is so familiar with it, we're not sure, but maybe he's taking notes on how to cheer up Logan.
- The View (TV)
Rosie O'Donnell (People)
"What, are we on The View? Am I Rosie O'Donnell?"
The View is a daytime talk show starring four women sitting around a table yakking about stuff. The women are of various ages, aimed at different demographics - the conservative young mother, the outspoken lesbian, the brash and embittered middle-aged comedian, and the grande-dame older lady. It's been the source of some controversy, as the hosts occasionally disagree, or say things to be wildly inappropriate.
Most recently, The View has gotten copious amounts of press due to its most recent member, Rosie O'Donnell. She replaced the abrasive Star Jones-Reynolds and has since gotten into snot-fights with all kinds of people, most notoriously Donald Trump himself. Hey, whatever gets viewers.
- Old Testament (Religion, Folklore, and Urban Legends)
"How 'bout his rhetorical style? Business-like and bland?"
"More Old Testament sarcastic."
A sense of humor running throughout the Bible — it exists, people. How else can you explain an overweight king who was killed by a dagger which was then enfolded in mounds of flesh and had to be dug out of his body? While we never heard Dean O'Dell making references to King Eglon, maybe he sprinkled his conversations with "thee," "thou," "verily," and "thus," making his sarcasm truly Old.
- See all references about The Bible
- Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (Movies)
"Everything north of San Francisco is just Thunderdome to you, isn't it?"
This 1985 film was the second sequel to the Mel Gibson-starring Mad Max, and this one had Tina Turner in it. The Thunderdome referenced in the title is the steel-cage arena in which "two men enter; one man leaves." It's a crazy place, that Thunderdome. Only the victor in a fight to the death will be able to leave; a place where you have to kill to survive. Just like Oregon.
- NRA (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"I joined the NRA after they covered you in Guns magazine."
The NRA, an organization formed in 1871 to protect the rights of men to bear arms, has come "under fire" in the last decade or so after what seems to be a growing number of firearm fatalities, be it from accidents, mass shootings, or arguments that suddenly turn violent. It is a person's right to defend himself against an intruder. And hunting can have many positive benefits, such as, well, food and control of the animal population. But do you really need a semi-automatic to hunt a squirrel? Charlton Heston, former NRA president and former Moses, seems to think so.
- Second Amendment (Ideas and Concepts)
"Totally. Second amendment is, like, my favorite."
The Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution basically says that you can't take away a citizen's right to own a gun and that the country needs to have an army of some sort to defend itself. Mac's favorite amendment, huh? Well, what would you expect from someone whose first pacifier was made of jerky?
- "Meat is Murder" (Music)
Meat is Murder is the 1985 album by The Smiths. The title track "Meat is Murder," with lyrics like "And the calf that you carve with a smile is murder," became an anthem for vegetarians everywhere. Radical vegetarians plastered the slogan "Meat is Murder" on t-shirts, stickers, posters and psycho, bow-hunting, I'll-wear-anything-that-cute-sorority-girls-hand-me rockers to spread the notion that eating mouth-watering, juicy, tasty meat is bad thing.
- Barenaked Ladies (Music)
"What about this is Canada?"
"Uh, our accents, eh."
"And... I almost forgot a-boot..."
"It's been one week since you looked at me..."
Barenaked Ladies were one of those bands that became big in Canada but were relatively unknown everywhere else. In 1998, they released their fifth album, Stunt, and the single "One Week" became a huge hit in the US. Its catchy lyrics about breaking up and making up referenced everything from The X-Files to Akira Kurosawa to wasabi. Canada is a huge country with many wonderful attributes, but admit it- you can't think of Canada without getting "One Week" stuck in your head, too.
- Bambi (Art)
"Somebody was doe-eyed, tongue-tied, and, dare I say, twitterpated."
In springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to love, Friend Owl has a name for that. Flower, Bambi, and Thumper learned the lessons of twitterpation sitting at the knee of this wise teacher. In Neptune's own retelling of this classic tale, Bambi will be played by Bronson, and Mac will take the part of Faline, the doe-eyed, pretty young thing that captures his fancy and gets him all twitterpated and stumbling all over himself. Only question left, for accuracy's sake if nothing else, is this: Is Bronson's mom still alive?
- "Back in the Saddle " (Music)
"I'm saying there's a saddle, Veronica, and we should be back in it."
Gene Autry sang about a cowboy going back out on the range, but Parker used the phrase to show Veronica there were other boys [strike]to ride[/strike] to meet, and the only way to do so was to get out there and talk to them.
- Border Patrol (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"Okay, everybody. Canada's closing. Sorry, border control issues."
Gone are the days of only needing photo ID to travel between Canada, the United States, and Mexico. As of January 23, 2007, a passport is required to travel throughout North America. And trying to get beef across the border? Forget it. These are just a few of the new issues plaguing the longest unmilitarized border in the world, which also includes the little-known border town, "Mac and Parker's Door," and which has the strictest security of all of them.
- Greenpeace (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
Sierra Club (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"That's why I don't do much activism. Cuts into my partying."
"You should have seen me before I quit Greenpeace. And the Sierra Club.
Okay, children, settle in and let me tell you about these people who used to be called "hippies." See, a long time ago, there was this thing called the Industrial Revolution, and it turned our world into the gas-guzzling, greenhouse gas-emitting society we are today. And nobody cared about the environment. Al Gore wasn't around yet to explain about inconvenient truths. But then one day, these patchouli-loving, tie-dye wearing, long-haired freaks came along, and they started talking about global warming and Mother Earth and thinking globally and acting locally, and they got beaten up a lot. And then they all grew up and got real jobs and had 2.3 kids and bought SUVs, but they still feel really guilty about killing the environment, so they dutifully send their checks once a year to organizations like Greenpeace and the Sierra Club that work for conservation of our planet. Isn't that nice of them? Okay, bedtime, children. Try not to have nightmares about the polar ice caps melting and drowning us all. Just think happy thoughts about soulful teenage boys like Bronson Pope devoting their lives to saving all the little plants and animals. Sleep well!
- Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Movies)
"Okay, baby steps. Some dudes, some tasty waves, and some tasty brews. That's all we need."
Sean Penn's Jeff Spicoli character doesn't ask for much in life. In fact, all he needs is "some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and [he's] fine." Orphaned at 18 and newly single, Logan is longing for the simple pleasures in life as well, and who is a better accessory for that mission than Dick?
- John F. Kennedy (People)
Jackie Kennedy (People)
"He seems like a really great guy. Just a regular vegan JFK looking for his Mackie O."
John and Jackie Kennedy were icons of the early '60s, with a public persona more suited to actors and pop stars than to politicians. America's "Royal Couple," with two beautiful children, an iconic sense of style (hers), and the presidency of the United States (his), they had it all...until one of them was assassinated. The similarities are evident, with Bronson's leadership of PHAT and Mac's "Ask Me About My STD" t-shirt, and since this is Neptune, after all, who knows what tragic ending could befall this fairy tale.
- Who's Who bio: John Fitzgerald Kennedy
- Who's Who bio: Jackie Onassis
- See all references about Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis
- 2001: A Space Odyssey (Movies)
"Do you like movies?"
"Because they're doing 2001 in 70 mm tomorrow night, and..."
Stanley Kubrick's 1968 vision into what the turn of the millennium might look like. Turns out, it looks rather bland. No one in Kubrick's 2001 likes talking very much, except for that wicked little blinking red light, HAL. One thing is for sure ... Mac wouldn't mind Bronson opening her pod bay doors sometime soon.
- David Hasselhoff (People)
"I mean, I'm not going to throw in a Hasselhoff CD just because I left my Neko Case in the car."
Dude, Piz, Hasselhoff is huge in Germany. The star of Baywatch and Knight Rider, the Hoff is more well-known in the US as a cheesy actor, but he's apparently got a big music career over on the Continent. But that doesn't mean said music is good. Piz prefers the musical stylings of Neko Case, an alternative-country musician, which makes sense, given that Piz is...well, he is a college-radio deejay.
- Who's Who bio: David Hasselhoff
- "Long, Long Time" (Music)
"Living in a memory - of a love that never was." Damn, that's harsh. This Linda Ronstadt love song is about as depressing as they come, not that I listened to it on repeat for most of my senior year in high school or anything. The ever-smooth Hank Landry proves impenetrable to its power, however, which perhaps proves conclusively that the man HAS. NO. SOUL!