3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week"
Aired Oct 10, 2006
Veronica: The rapist was there when I came into the room. I coulda stopped it.
Mac: But you didn't, because I told you she was a floozy. It's a proud, proud day for both of us.
Veronica: I heard noises.
Veronica: Like, breathing. And buzzing.
Lamb: Buzzing. Like an electric razor?
Veronica: Yeah, I guess, but at the time, I...thought it was something else. It turned off a second after I came in the room.
Lamb: What exactly did you think the buzzing was?
Veronica: Something else, okay? Just...something else.
Dr. Kinny: As long as there has been war and prisons and soldiers and orders, there has been torture. You don't think it was invented by a handful of rednecks on the fly in Iraq? It's always been here. I guarantee the great George Washington and his continental army indulged in this sort of behavior with the British redcoats. We just had to sit around a couple hundred years for someone to invent the digital camera to show us what we're really capable of.
Nish: She's a great writer, but can you see her blending in at a sorority? Uh, they're not big on Doc Martens and unibrows.
Nish: These? Are great. This other freshman gave me like a hundred pictures of his grandmother sleeping.
Veronica: Was she hot?
Veronica: Yeah, she's picking a wedgie and she ain't got no alibi.
Nish: Can I tell you how happy this makes me?
Veronica: She tee-peed my house in the tenth grade. Makes me happy too.
Nish: Welcome to the home of Theta Beta. What do you think?
Veronica: I think it's the gateway to Hell, and I don't want to keep looking directly at it.
Veronica: Tasteful floral dresses? All my florals are trampy. Seriously, I don't have a thing with a flower that's not in a tube top or hot pant family.
Nish: According to reliable sources — four of them — the Theta Betas get pledges all liquored up, take them to a secret room, and have them undress while the guys from their brother fraternity watch the show through two-way mirrors. Now if this Parker girl was there—
Veronica: You had me at "secret room."
Veronica Voiceover: What's really worse: getting girls to undress in front a two-way mirror, or getting them to dress like a 50's vacuum ad first?
Veronica: Any chance this one's got a little kick to it?
Marjorie: Sorry, no booze. Them's the rules. But the farther you are from the singing, the less you'll crave intoxication.
Dick: You look exactly like this chick from high school.
Veronica: Oh my God! What are you doing here?
Dick: Fufilling my destiny, it's a sorority party? It's why I left the womb. What are you doing here?
Hallie: Veronica's rushing. And we love her!
Dick: Somewhere in a parallel universe, Bizarro-Dick is being a total killjoy.
Veronica Voiceover: The '70s had the hustle, the '80s the moonwalk. We have the faux lesbian dance.
Veronica Voiceover: The best way to keep a guy at least ten feet away? Dry heave. Vomit is the new mace.
Music: If you like Piña Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a—
Logan: Okay, okay, I'll tell you what you wanna know. C'mere. ...Yes, I like Piña Coladas. And getting caught in the rain.
Logan: Ah, finally: my conjugal visit.
Veronica: Mm, let me guess: you're out on good behavior?
Logan: No. You all know my girl, Veronica. I have your picture hung in my cell. Gets me through the long, lonely nights. I lend it to my buddy Horshack sometimes, hope you don't mind.
Veronica: It's good to share.
Logan: Yep. Well, have a seat. We're waxing nostalgic over our time on the inside.
Veronica: Mm, can't. You're breaking out, I'm breaking in. Star-crossed.
Rafe: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Logan: Mm, getting a jump start on the freshman fifteen?
Veronica: Holy smokes.
Dr. Kinny: The two guards who fell asleep on duty were just pretending. They waited for the prisoners to escape and then moved the clock forward. See you in class.
Rafe: And you didn't tell me?
Wallace: We were counting on you to act like a jerk. Way to sell it.
Veronica: I'm not acknowledging that.
Wallace: That happens to me all the time.