2.16 "The Rapes of Graff"

Aired Mar 29, 2006


  • Mrs. Murphy: The winner gets a week's internship as Woody's apprentice, which means an opportunity to learn about civic affairs, a plum entry on your college applications, and — this might interest you, Dick — a chance to stand beside Woody Goodman on TV and push the plunger for the demolition of old Sharks Stadium.

    Dick: Nuke the stadium? Damn, now I totally wish I could write good.

  • Veronica: So, you should be able to write quite an essay on Freedom. How does it feel to have your case dismissed?

    Logan: Well, freedom feels liberating.

    Veronica: I see you've got your title.

  • Wallace: Man, you believe it about Logan? That guy's like a cat.

    Veronica: You mean useless and selfish?

    Wallace: I mean like nine lives. Just wish I knew how he does it.

    Veronica: That's funny. I do know how he does it, and I wish I didn't.

  • Wallace: Come on. You'll like it. It's a good school.

    Veronica: And if it were in, say, Maine, I'd be excited. But it's in Neptune, so I'm not excited. I'll go, but just to skip school, which excites me.

  • Hannah: I wanted to congratulate you on your big news, but I couldn't find you. I ended up telling the janitor that your locker was mine and I forgot my combination so he'd open it up and I could leave you a little surprise. But I made it before I heard they dropped the charges, so keep that in mind.

    Logan: You lied to a janitor?

    Hannah: I've resigned myself to burning in hell. You know, all the girls on track are jealous of me.

    Logan: I'm sure they could burn in hell, too, if they'd just, uh, put in the effort.

  • Dean: So, right now, we're gonna play a little get-to-know-you game. So everyone pair up. Um, make sure it's someone that you don't already know.

    Wallace: Sorry. I don't know her.

    Veronica Voiceover: And so it turns out that college is very much like high school.

  • Dean: Okay, so, we're gonna play a game called "Two Truths and a Lie." Does everyone have a buddy? All alone?

    Veronica: It's all right. I prefer it.

    Dean: Lie. See, that's how the game works. You have to tell your partner two facts and one lie and they have to guess which one is the lie, all right? Okay, so, um, go ahead.

    Veronica: Okay, I'm Veronica, I'm from Neptune, and I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

    Dean: How'd that go?

    Veronica: It was a bit of a letdown.

    Dean: Hmm. Well, uh, I don't believe that you're from Neptune.

    Veronica: Wrong. Is that the end?

    Dean: Um, okay, well, uh, my name is Dean, I'm from Wheaton, Illinois, my father owns a Ford dealership, and I also shot a man in Reno, but it was not to watch him die. It was for other issues.

    Veronica: Your father doesn't sell Fords.

    Dean: That's right. Toyotas. How did you know?

    Veronica: It's all in the eyes.

    Dean: All right, well, I guess I'll have to watch out for you next year.

    Veronica: Oh, I won't be attending.

    Dean: All right. Enough lies.

  • Troy: Uh, so, this is weird. How you been, Veronica?

    Veronica: Lie. I don't believe you're really interested. Next statement.

    Troy: Yeah, okay, I can understand that after what I did, but I'm s—

    Veronica: I don't think you understand the rules of this game. You only get one lie.

    Troy: Uh, let me start over. Three statements, one false. Uh, my name is Troy. I was a bad boy when we dated, but after a year of private school, therapy, quitting drugs, and dumping my loose-cannon ex-girlfriend, I've changed into a more or less good boy. And I communicate telepathically with all denizens of the sea.

    Veronica: Right. So, how long before I catch you talking to a manatee?

    Troy: And you have changed not at all.

    Veronica: You know me. Same-old, same-old.

  • Troy: I'm not lying to you, Veronica. I just wanted you to know that.

    Veronica: Do I care? Really, Troy, you're just water under the bridge. Duplicitous, evil water.

  • Dick: Dude, so, we hanging this weekend, or that chick still have your sac locked up in her Easy Bake Oven?

    Logan: Actually, I am now a free man.

    Dick: The way we should be, man.

    Logan: We? What happened to Madison?

    Dick: Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.

    Logan: Where, at Lego Land?

    Dick: Whatever, man. Maturity's like one of the two most over-rated things on the planet.

    Logan: The other being?

    Dick: Chicks.

    Logan: Oh, so this worked out great for you.

  • Veronica Voiceover: So it seems Hearst College pretty much has it all: a campus combining modern facilities with the best traditions of learning, check.

    Stacy: No, Heidegger's fine if you're a Nazi.

    Veronica Voiceover:A student body composed of diverse, interesting, smart people? Check.
    And drunken doofuses who corner your points? Check.

    Drew: So, you're blonde — 30 points. And a natural, too, another 20. You are super-cute, 50 points. And you're kind of, like, sassy.

    Veronica: So, sassy's good?

    Drew: More like a degree of difficulty thing. 30 points. And, you're a pro-fro, 80 points.

    Veronica: So, if someone were to have sex with me, they'd walk away with 210 points?

    Drew: That's high. You should be psyched.

    Veronica: I am. Inside.

  • Drew: So, what do you think, then? About us getting busy?

    Veronica: Can I have your beer?

    Drew: Sure.


    Drew: Grow a sense of humor, you crazy bitch!

    Veronica: I would, if something funny would ever happen.

    Drew: Yeah, tell me how you like it.


    Drew: Oh!

    Veronica: It's fun, but it's getting kind of old.

  • Veronica: As much as I appreciate that display of chivalry, uh, I had it covered.

    Troy: Well maybe I wanted to demonstrate that I really had changed.

    Veronica: So, you're no longer evil. You're stupid. Congratulations.

  • Stacy: God, that guy is such a tool. Can I get you a beer or something?

    Troy: Uh, how about if I get you one?

    Stacy: So, chivalry isn't dead. Just can't fight. Yeah, let's go.

    Veronica: Smooth.

    Troy: Hey, some things I can't change.

  • Dean: Hey, my pro-fros. Fun party, huh?

    Wallace: Not bad. I actually talked to a cute girl about Kierkegaard. Made me wish I knew something about Kierkegaard.

    Dean: Yeah. Isn't that cool? I mean, in high school, parties are just guys getting drunk and scamming on chicks. But here, you have intellectual conversations.

    Wallace: Right.

    Dean: Like I saw you talking to that guy. What'd you talk about?

    Veronica: Jane Austen. But he dissed Pride and Prejudice, so I had to throw a beer on him.

  • Drew: I mean, whoo, your body? Slamming. That's like 50 points right there. And this might sound like a weird question, but you're not an orphan, are you?

  • Keith: So, can I ask you a question?

    Cliff: Well, she said her name was Daphne.

    Keith: No, no, no. How did you call me?

    Cliff: Acrobatically. I might have pulled a hamstring.

    Keith: Okay, then. Next question...

  • Veronica: What are you doing here?

    Troy: The usual. Hair and blood samples, cheek swab. You remember that girl from the party last night, Stacy? Well, I guess she got date-raped.

    Lamb: Actually, no. When they use roofies to knock them out, then shave them afterward, we drop the "date" part.

  • Keith: So, Daphne registered under a false name and credit card. Dead end there, so I got the elevator security tape from last night.

    Cliff: Well, you must be on good terms with the Neptune Grand security people.

    Keith: When my daughter dated a billionaire's kid living alone in the president's suite, me and the security guys got pretty tight.

  • Keith: At 10:15 you're on your way up. My god, Cliff, you're like a wild animal. Is that what the kids call motorboatin'?

    Cliff: I have a zest for life. So sue me.

  • Keith: Look.

    Cliff: Lamb?

    Keith: It appears Lamb has a bit of a zest for life himself. 2:11, there's your briefcase. Lamb appears to know your gynecologist.

    Veronica: Don't mind me. Just keep doing whatever that is.

    Keith: Uh, just work. I thought you had that Hearst thing.

    Veronica: On my way. I just need an address. Oh. My. God. I know her. She goes to my school. Her name is Madison Sinclair.

  • Veronica Voiceover: Nice. A little more vomit and a dead donkey and you've got a cover spread in Modern Squalor magazine.

  • Veronica: Is Gordon here? Gordon Peters?

    Chip: You might check the hospital.

    Veronica: The hospital?

    Chip: Had to have his stomach pumped last night. 18 shots of vodka: not a good idea. Who knew?

    Veronica: Kind of a wuss, huh?

  • Troy: I kind of bailed on the tour. I got tired of the looks, you know?

    Veronica: So you figured creepy skulking was a better use of your time? That won't make you seem guilty.

  • Troy: My name and number. I left my name and number on her message board. I mean, would I really do that if I had just raped her and shaved off all her hair?

    Veronica: So I could go check and your name and number would be there?

    Troy: Or maybe you could just believe me.

    Veronica: I'll check.

  • Dick: My suspicion is you're afraid to embrace your true nature.

    Logan: Yeah, which is?

    Dick: We are lone wolves, dude. High-plains drifters, life takers, and heart breakers.

    Logan: Who play video games all day.

  • Veronica: Um...I'm Veronica. I was at the party last night.

    Stacy: That was, like, the best party ever, right? How was your rape?

    Veronica: Uh...

    Stacy: So, what, are you like dropping off some pamphlets or something?

    Veronica: No. Um...a pamphlet's not gonna cover it. It's just gonna suck. And then it'll suck less.

  • Veronica Voiceover: So, if someone sent Stacy a box of hair that wasn't hers, there's a chance she's not the only victim and there's another girl at Hearst forced to wear a wig. And so it's now time for me to clinch that Emmy nomination.

    Veronica: Hi. I'm looking for someone. She would have come in for a wig during the past couple of months.

    Tory: Can you narrow it down, hon? We get a lot of —

    Veronica: Her head would have been completely shaved.

    Tory: Oh, chemo.

    Veronica: She decided to give up on treatment and run away from home.

    Tory: Oh. There was a girl a month ago.

    Veronica: Do you have a name?

    Tory: You don't know her name? Because we don't just give out customer—

    Veronica: Ma'am, she's run away. She's scared and she's alone. We don't even want to know how she's making her money. She's given up on life. And she thinks she's sparing us the pain, but not knowing where she is or what name she's using or whether she's safe, it's torture. Please, ma'am, she's my sister.

    Tory: I'm sorry. This girl was Hawaiian.

    Veronica: Oh.

  • Dean: Oh, hey. Um, you know the tour doesn't start until noon?

    Veronica: If I wanted to find a Hawaiian girl, where would I start?

    Dean: In Hawaii?

  • Keith: Don, would you have time for a question?

    Lamb: For the two of you? Always.

    Keith: We're just looking for a little help. Do you know this woman?

    Lamb: No. We got to do this again some time.

    Keith: You're sure?

    Lamb: You got me. I rode an elevator with her. She asked the time, and I tell it.

    Cliff: Uh, Sheriff? Just a couple more shots...I want to emphasize, this should not be construed as coercion. We're just showing you a picture.

    Keith: That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter.

    Lamb: So, what, this is blackmail? She's 18. That's legal.

    Keith: Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. We just want to know who this first woman is.

    Lamb: She's an escort. I've busted her a few times. She hires out as a Sugar Jones.

    Keith: Great. Thanks, Don.

    Cliff: I'd vote for you.

  • Chip: If you get that scholarship, you got to join. When I got here, I was like, I totally want to be a Pi.

    Wallace: Uh, yeah, yeah. Once when I was little, I wanted to be ice cream.

    Chip: Dude, Pi Sig Sig. You're hilarious. You'll totally fit in.

  • Veronica Voiceover: And someone with the handle Bird Dawg says he scored me? That is wrong both factually and ontologically.

  • Chip: Look. This is our business. I don't have to apologize.

    Veronica: For being a rapist? Nice. I admire a principled stand.

    Chip: What are you talking about?

    Veronica: I'm talking about 300 points, exactly the score you goons wrote on Stacy's door the night she was roofied and raped. But the jury will understand. After all, you had to do it or your frat brothers would shave off your awesome Ryan Seacrest hairdo.

    Chip: I didn't get those 300 points for Stacy Wells.

    Gordon: Yeah, he nailed the Dean's wife.

    Chip: Zip it, Gordo.

  • Chip: Bird Dawg. Do you want to show this young lady out?

    Veronica: Thanks, I know the way. Oh, and you might want to get your clippers, because unless being electrocuted counts, Bird Dawg here never scored these 240 points.

    Drew: It was 210.

    Veronica: You undercounted the sassy.

  • Veronica Voiceover: And this looks like it might be the Pacific Island lunch group. Now, who might be wearing a wig. I think I'll follow a hunch.

    Veronica: Excuse me. Hi, I'm working on a play for the theater department, and I need to find a place that does custom wigs. Did you get yours recently, and did you get it around here?

    Girl: My what, wig? This is my hair.

    Veronica: Oh. I...I'm sorry. I thought...thanks anyway.

    Veronica Voiceover: Great. A dead end and embarrassing to boot.

  • Troy: So, they dropped the charges. Thanks, Veronica. Really, I'm not sure that I deserve it, but you're a real friend.

    Veronica: How about we just call me an acquaintance with reservations?

  • Dean: Hey. Did you guys hear about the Pi Sigs?

    Wallace: Nope.

    Dean: They got a semester probation.

    Veronica: If it's double-secret probation, there's a serious leak.

    Dean: No mixers, no parties, no sports. It was your photo that nailed them. You don't mess around, do you.

    Wallace: That's Veronica Mars. Making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home.

  • Keith: You're back early.

    Veronica: Yeah, I ditched the goodbye hugging. Can you believe it?

    Keith: You? Miss hug? So, you must be tired. Why don't you lie in your...

    Daphne: Is Keith here?

    Veronica: Dad. Your hooker's here.

    Keith: Escort, honey. So, why don't you go to your room and do your, uh, blog, whatever you kids do.

  • Keith: So, you know if you go to Hearst, you could come home and do your laundry on weekends, and we can talk about Nietzsche, the French Revolution, boys, whatever.

    Veronica: I told you, Dad, I am going far, far away. It's a dealbreaker.

    Keith: Hearst is 10 whole exits.

    Veronica: What do you know about plastic explosives?

    Keith: Well, that's what I like: a good segue.

  • Veronica: So, the contest winner gets to push that thing, you know, that thing like Bugs Bunny always pushes, and the stadium explodes?

    Foreman: A plunger, right, but if we did our work right, the stadium implodes.


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