2.14 "Versatile Toppings"
Aired Mar 15, 2006
- Homosexual slang (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"You're ones to talk. Baseball players, right? Remind me, which one of you pitches and which one catches?"
You know how in baseball, the pitcher forcefully causes a hard object to enter into a softer object possessed by the catcher? If you have a dirty mind, I think you understand what Dick means now.
- O.J. Simpson (People)
"I've got the paparazzi following me day and night, just waiting for me to fall apart and make a run for it in my Bronco."
O.J. Simpson was a great football player and a fairly successful film actor, but that's not what he'll be remembered for. His legacy was tarnished by the murder of his ex-wife and her friend, a crime he may or may not have committed. In any case, close to 95 million people in the United States alone watched on June 17, 1994, as he very slowly tried to get away by hijacking his friend's white Ford Bronco and forcing him to drive. Every year now, we wait for another African-American sports star accused of a heinous crime to give us something sensational to watch on television.
- Who's Who bio: O.J. Simpson
- See all references about O.J. Simpson
- Indigo Girls (Music)
"Wow. That is so precious, Marlena. And you even made it rhyme. Just like an Indigo Girls song."
The Indigo Girls are a popular folk-rock duo. And they're TOTALLY GAY. But not for each other. For all women, everywhere. Hence, Madison's pointed comment on the lesbian music scene is supposed to make Marlena feel bad, but, you know, the Indigo Girls are good. They won a Grammy and everything. So, buck up, Marlena. We're going to help you take Madison less seriously. It's only Madison, after all.
- The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Literature, Movies)
"Jackie and I aren't exactly the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants."
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is a young adult book series and feature film about four best friends and a magical pair of jeans. No, really. Even though all four girls are different sizes, the pants fit them all! This symbolizes the deep, affectionate bond these girls have for each other, a bond Veronica and Jackie very obviously do not share.
- Superman (Literature)
"You're like rich-dude Kryptonite, Veronica."
Kal-El, last son of Krypton, better known as Superman, is invulnerable but for one major weakness: Kryptonite. That's right, rocks from his home planet make him weak. Home totally is not where the heart is, huh? Dick's metaphor here isn't entirely appropriate, as Veronica doesn't make the rich dudes she associates with weak, per se; she just gets them into loads of trouble. She's more like a rich-dude black cat. But not rich-dude Black Cat. Though that would make her that much hotter. Mrow.
- Who's Who bio: Superman
- Coconut (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"We're all coconuts. That's what you get called in Neptune when you're Latino and date white people or join Honor Society. Get it? Like Twinkies and Oreos, except we're brown on the outside and..."
So coconuts, according to Carmen, are brown on the outside and white on the inside. Well, Twinkies are yellow on the outside and white on the inside. What racial group has yellow skin? Why, Asians, of course! And Oreos are black on the outside and...hey, I think we figured that one out too. Here's another one, courtesy of Sherman Alexie: a Native American who acts a little too non-Native American would be red on the outside and white on the inside, like...an apple! Come on, guys, it's not really racism if you're talking about FOOD!
- See all references about Racial slang
- The Aristocrats (Movies)
"I'm what you call the Master Bait."
The Aristocrats is a documentary about the world's dirtiest joke, the reason being there's a giant hole in the middle where any given comedian can make it as absolutely filthy as possible. It's a joke that allows a comedian to express his individuality and set himself apart from his peers. Drew Carey, for instance, accentuates the non sequitur punchline ("The Aristocrats!") with some Spanish flair. Corny channels his spirit to give his lewd pun more oomph.
- Scooby Doo (Movies, TV)
"Just wait till I'm a PCHer, Shaggy..."
Ruh-roh! Arturo is pulling out the old-school references to cartoons that aired before he was born! But who doesn't know the tales of the greatest canine detective and his best friend, Norville "Shaggy" Rogers? Okay, we totally didn't know Shaggy had a real name. He's just...Shaggy, because of that crazy hair of his. And his general, herbally-enhanced state. A state Corny of the uniquely-shaped bongs is quite familiar with.
- See all references about Scooby Doo
- Cholito (Words, Sayings, and Slogans)
"Is that another way you're out proving yourself, cholito?"
Veronica is not calling Arturo something off the value menu at Taco Bell. Cholo is slang for Mexican gangster, and in Spanish, the -ito suffix signifies the diminutive, hence: little Mexican gangster. See, you can learn stuff on the Internet!
- See all references about Racial slang
- Supernatural lore (Religion, Folklore, and Urban Legends)
"I found our silver bullet, Terrence."
In traditional folklore, a silver bullet is the only weapon able to kill witches, vampires, monsters, and their ilk. Although it's most popularly associated with its ability to kill werewolves, that was actually a Hollywood invention and not authentic werewolf lore. Yes, it's true. The movies lie. Due to its magical powers, a "silver bullet" now refers to a nice, clean solution to a problem as difficult as, say, a werewolf. I mean, a vampire. Damn you, Hollywood! Note: silver bullets also work against bears, which are the #1 threat to America.
- Pete Rose (People)
"If I admit that I was in his office, I make myself the next Pete Rose."
Pete Rose was a great baseball player and a fairly successful manager, but that's not what he'll be remembered for. His legacy was tarnished by his betting extensively on baseball, a crime that cost him both the ability to play and inclusion in the Hall of Fame. He's the poster boy for sports gambling!
- Who's Who bio: Pete Rose
- Rick Santorum (People)
"It's just an e-mail from some guy named Rick Santorum..."
Some guy? Kylie obviously doesn't keep up with the political zoo, or else she would recognize the alias: Rick Santorum is a Pennyslvania senator who supports homosexuality wholeheartedly. And by "supports homosexuality wholeheartedly," I mean "thinks homosexuality undermines the basic tenets of our society and the family." That's right, Kylie: you are all that is wrong with America. And by some strange coincidence, so is the actress who plays you, but for...other issues.
- Who's Who bio: Rick Santorum
- Star War (Movies)
"I want you to announce that Terrence Cook has been cleared of suspicion in the bus crash."
"What? Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick?"
This is not the cultural reference you're looking for. Did that not work? Darn. In the Star Wars trilogy, the Jedi, protectors of the galaxy, can exercise control over weak-willed minds. Now, Lamb's mind may be weak-willed, but unfortunately for Terrence, Keith is no Jedi. Which is a shame, because we'd love to see him wielding a lightsaber.
- See all references about Star War
- Big and Rich (Music)
"I really hope this is the new Big and Rich."
Best known for their hit "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," country music duo Big and Rich represent two things Lamb would like to be. Also, the names Big Kenny (Kenny Alphin) and John Rich. A man who sticks his thumbs in his belt loops as much as Lamb does certainly thinks he's a cowboy who would like to be ridden, but, sadly, the CD being offered to him is your standard-issue blackmail and not very sexy. Although Lamb's sexy voice is on it.
- Michael Jordan (Sports, Games and Toys, People)
"Did you see his running teardrop from the lane?"
"I saw it. It was Jordanesque."
If you know the name of one basketball player, it's Michael Jordan. Named the greatest athlete of the 20th century by ESPN, he's won more accolades than we can count, which makes Veronica's comparison of Wallace's talents the highest of compliments.
- Who's Who bio: Michael Jordan
- See all references about Michael Jordan