2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle"

Aired Feb 01, 2006


  • Inga: How was your book?

    Keith: Weird. But I expect it'll start making more sense soon.

  • Molly: Where did you get this?

    Weevil: Apparently he was gonna get you tattooed somewhere on his person. And from your reaction, I'm guessing it wasn't gonna be on his forehead.

  • Molly: My uncle's a priest there.

    Weevil: Liam Fitzpatrick? If that guy's a priest, then I'm Buzz Aldrin.

  • Veronica: No, the weasel is this basketball guy. God, I just want him smashed.

    Wallace: Hey! The paper's from the library. Last thing I need is the librarian turning on me too. Ah, Rashard's cool. It's not like he —

    Veronica: "Cool"? Um, are we thinking of the same word? Because I don't remember, say, Steve McQueen ever hitting a homeless man in his Hummer and framing someone else for it.

  • Wallace: If I could just talk to Rashard alone. We were friends. I'm sure —

    Veronica: Yeah, he'd say, "Excuse me. You're standing between me and my money."

    Wallace: Man. Is there anybody you don't think is corrupt deep down?

    Veronica: Yes. You. And I don't want you suffering for it, because jail? Is no fun.

    Jackie: What's no fun?

    Veronica: Um...jail?

    Jackie: Oh, I thought you were talking about Mr. Wu's game-show quiz.

    Veronica: No, I was talking about jail.

  • Wallace: You know a good lawyer?

    Veronica: I know...a lawyer.

  • Cliff: So, it's called self-surrender. At the negotiated time five days hence, Wallace Fennel will turn himself in to the Neptune Sheriff's Department, who will oversee his transfer to the Chicago police.

    Wallace: What if I'm not there?

    Cliff: Then they'll issue a warrant, you'll be arrested, probably found guilty, and end up married to some enormous murderer named Tiny. My advice? Be punctual.

    Veronica: Or prove your innocence.

    Cliff: Or that. Suit yourself.

  • Wallace: All right. So that's good.

    Veronica: "Good"? What, in the same way that Rashard is "cool"? Do you know what any words actually mean?

  • Wallace: I mean, if I'm cleared in the next five days, I'm back on the team in time for the Pan High game.

    Veronica: Pan High? How can you even think of the game right now?

    Wallace: Rival school, biggest game of the year? I can't help it. I'm male.

    Veronica: Well, here's a message from the females: you're nuts.

  • Veronica: Remember Tracy James?

    Wallace: You mean...

    Veronica: Yes. Those boobs named Tracy James that went to Neptune and are now a Bruin cheerleader.

  • Wallace: Can we get in?

    Veronica: No. But she says it's not uncommon to find certain...slightly skanky girls lurking outside in hopes of meeting the big recruit and, given that these recruits are teen males, often succeeding.

    Wallace: That happens. So, you think when I apply to college —

    Veronica: No.

  • Keith: Can you dig up the Murray file? I guess now we need to destroy it.

    Veronica: What? They reconciled? How?

    Keith: Mystery of love would be my guess.

    Veronica: A million-dollar "Sorry I banged the maid" ring would be mine.

  • Weevil: You met the Fitzpatrick family?

    Logan: And found them scrappy but loveable.

  • Weevil: Okay, we got a Fitzpatrick priest running the show at a church where all the PCHers go, right?

    Logan: That's decent thinking for a novice. But aren't priests supposed to be, like, good and stuff?

  • Veronica Voiceover: Great. So I'm late, it's super-busy, I missed dinner, and it's "make the karaoke machine want to kill itself" night. And also, it seems, "Veronica, I need a favor night."

  • Veronica: And how can I help you, sir?

    Weevil: I need a favor.

    Veronica: Ah, a favor. One of our specialties.

    Weevil: I need you to bug the confessional at St. Mary's Church.

    Veronica: Um…I'm sorry, that's not on our menu. Maybe you should try "you're crazy" down the street?

    Logan: It's not just for him.

    Veronica: Isn't this a very odd coincidence... Or, wait — are you guys, like, roomies now and he ate your peanut butter and now you're not speaking?

    Logan: Funny you should bring up roomies, as I just lost one. I don't suppose you can help me find where Duncan disappeared?

    Veronica: Ooh, sorry, one favor per customer.

    Weevil: Uh, yeah, can we stay focused here? 'Cause if we're seen together by the wrong people, that would be bad…

    Veronica: So, this is sneaking. I've got a pantomime horse disguise you could use. Do either of you have any experience being a horse's ass?

    Logan: Yeah, I'm glad my misfortunes amuse you.

  • Logan: Look, Veronica, can you just once save my ass without comment?

    Veronica: No. Because saving your ass with comment, it just...it works better for me.

  • Lamb: What did you mean by "it smelled"?

    Dick: Dude, it smelled like the ass of something that died.

    Lamb And you can't say what it was?

    Dick I'm not, like, a professional smellologist. It stank.

  • Beaver: You know, Dick, he said that we should get a limo, and I think that was, like, his first good idea ever, so...

    Lamb: Name Curly mean anything to you?

    Beaver: Uh, the mechanic? Yeah, yeah, I met him, you know, but, uh, well, my dad, he went to the shop, he usually just took my brother, cars being, you know, man stuff.

  • Keith: I had a thought about the rat.

    Veronica: Hmm…that you could make his lips and feet into hot dogs? I think somebody beat you to that one.

    Keith: You thought it was a sign, a message to you, you were a rat? What if we were just being too fancy and sophisticated?

    Veronica: That'd be a first.

  • Veronica Voiceover: Confession at St. Mary's is 4 to 6, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, with bugging hours just preceding. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Fortunately, that's what this place was made for.

  • Veronica: I'm...really sorry about this.

  • Veronica: I'm going to hell. It's that simple. I am going straight to hell.

  • Father Patrick: I wasn't always on the up-and-up God-wise myself. But I worked at it. There's a passage, Romans 12:19. "Vengeance is mine. I will repay, sayeth the Lord."

    Veronica: I see now. I guess I should just probably be a better person. Thanks.

  • Wallace: Man, I practically peed myself waiting on you. Where have you been?

    Veronica: Nowhere. But if God asks, I was with you.

  • Wallace: What fraternity did you say this was?

    Veronica: Alpha Rho something.

    Wallace: Alpha Rho Nu? A black fraternity. Part of us isn't blending in.

  • Veronica: If I could control him, I would.

  • Wallace: Hey. You made it.
    Veronica: You know, I read that article in Scientific American about the pep rally effect, and I thought, "hey, if it's science..."


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