2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang"
Aired Oct 12, 2005
- Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Movies)
Episode Title: "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang"
This 1968 Disney musical is about an eccentric but poor professor who built a magical flying car. Referencing a lighthearted Dick Van Dyke family entertainment movie in a television show that's neither lighthearted nor family-friendly, Rob Thomas reigns as the undisputed King of Noir Television.
- C. Montgomery Burns (Characters)
"So who are we exploiting now?"
Veronica reveals that she probably stays up at night watching reruns of the long-running cartoon instead of the local news. Her impression of the finger-tapping, sinister-plot-weaving Mr. Burns is dead on, er, excellent.
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- David Caruso (People)
"So are you gonna tell me why I'm here, or should I just sit back and enjoy your impression of a mildly constipated David Caruso?"
David's ability to play the "street smart punk who loves the law" has landed him starring roles on cop shows like Hill Street Blues, H.E.L.P., and N.Y.P.D. Blue. Currently, he plays Lieutenant Horatio Caine, the head of the police department's crime lab on CSI: Miami. Typecast? David doesn't mind — he loves donuts. Which means he probably is mildly constipated more often than not. Try prunes, dear. They work wonders.
- Who's Who bio: David Caruso
- Whitesnake (Music)
Boyz II Men (Music)
"Ah, yes. I remember that summer. He was a roadie for Whitesnake and I was singing backup for Boyz II Men."
Heavy-metal powerhouse Whitesnake probably never had roadies like big-man David "Curly" Moran tagging along during its world tours. But one can only imagine Curly's heartfelt cries of "Here I Go Again on My Own" as he plunged to his death in the Pacific Ocean. He certainly wouldn't have been crooning to Boyz II Men, kings of harmony, and the most commercially successful R & B group of all time. They sang three of the longest-running #1 pop singles in history. And given Veronica's strong pipes, there's no doubt she could have stood in for Mariah Carey, the only female backup singer the group has ever used.
- Who's Who bio: Whitesnake
- Infinite Monkey Theory (Ideas and Concepts)
"Somewhere, those million chimps with their million typewriters must have finally written King Lear because Sheriff Lamb is actually right about something."
Sir Arthur Eddington, the early 20th century astonomer and physicist, developed the original version of this theory: "If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters, they might write all the books in the British Museum." It later was revised and popularized by the British comedy series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The theory makes the optimistic assumption that randomness and chaos eventually lead to order and beauty, though the laws of physics deem this virtually impossible. In other words, Veronica, Sheriff Lamb isn't smart for connecting you to Curly. He just knows how to read "Veronica Mars" when it's written in huge block letters on a dead guy's hand — in permanent ink.
- "Fog" (Literature)
"You, me, and Chi-town, the Windy City, the City with Broad Shoulders where the fog comes on little cat feet."
The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
Carl Sandburg won the Pulitzer Prize for both poetry and history. His 1916 poetry collection, Chicago Poems, was a warm and moving tribute to a city known for being colder than a witch's…heart. Keith skillfully uses it to melt Alicia's heart and secure their romantic weekend getaway.
- Kenny G (People)
"Is it Kenny G? He ruined it for you?"
"Jazz purist" is a term most musicians won't use to describe Kenny G. Regardless, his smooth sound on the soprano sax has won him millions of fans and record sales — and groupies, no doubt.
- South Park (Movies, TV)
"I'm super. Thanks for asking."
Cancer is killing. Texaco's spilling.
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?
I'm super. Thanks for asking.
All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say.
In 1999, Big Gay Al performed this send-off for American troops about to enter a war with Canada in the film South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. He'd already introduced the song to the world in 1997, during the show's first season. Veronica says this line to Keith when returning home from the sheriff's office after questioning, and she hopes he misses the irony of her statement. But Keith's Daddy-sense alerts him that something's up with his little girl.
- See all references about South Park
- True Hollywood Story (TV)
"And for a True Hollywood Story without the happy ending..."
This cable biography/documentary show exposes the hidden and darker sides of celebrities, classic TV show actors, and famous families. Curly Moran was none of the above, but he still has a tragic story, as Veronica's voice over laments.
- King Kong (Characters)
"Sit down, King Kong."
The original 1933 movie about a giant gorilla has spawned numerous remakes and sequels, but they all incorporate the same quintessential theme: King Kong don't have to be afraid of nothing! Except for gun shots fired from high-flying airplanes. Those might smart a little. Veronica reminds Keith that he might be big and bad, but she can still tell him what to do — sometimes.
- Jimmy Choo (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
Dolce & Gabbana (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"Another thing girls love are Jimmy Choos and Dolce and Gabbana."
These high-end designers have a knack for making shoes, bags, and clothing that are — what's a nice way of saying "overpriced?" Some of their products cost more than a semester at a local college. They give credence to the theory that America will soon become the best-dressed nation of overweight illiterates in the world.
- Who's Who bio: Jimmy Choo
- Who's Who bio: Dolce & Gabbana
- Malibu Barbie (Sports, Games and Toys)
"Tailing young Mrs. Kendall is about as hard as following Malibu Barbie to the beach house."
Since Malibu Barbie is a twelve inch doll that can't walk and has no sense of direction, following her to the beach house sounds extremely difficult. But we get Veronica's point.
- Who's Who bio: Malibu Barbie
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- Atkins Diet (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"So far, Kendall was only guilty of violating her Atkins diet."
This was the first in a popular series of high-protein, low carbohydrate diets. This version encouraged its devotees to eat meat several times a day and discouraged vegetables. The diet's founder, Dr. Robert C. Atkins, allegedly suffered from a heart attack, congestive heart failure, and hypertension prior to his death at age 49. These conditions likely stemmed from a lifetime of unhealthy eating.
- Who's Who bio: Robert Atkins
- Jabba the Hutt (Characters)
"She requested I step outside my job description at Java the Hut the other day."
Jabba the Hutt, the several-ton gangster creature, and his buddies were fixtures in the Star Wars movie series. Jabba wasn't the most attractive thing out there, and he was known for tormenting and killing his followers. Lest anything similar should happen to Jackie, here's hoping she learned her lesson and will never ask Veronica for a macchiato again. Retract claws, Veronica.
- See all references about Star War
- Pride and Prejudice (Literature)
"So, how you doing?"
"Awful. No matter how many schools I get kicked out of, I can't seem to escape this thing. Six-hundred pages of pasty white chicks cat-fighting over some stick-up-his-butt dude's prospects."
"This thing" is Jane Austen's classic novel Pride and Prejudice. Published in 1813, it's a funny, romantic story about courtship and marriage, and most people love it. But Jackie tells Wallace she'd prefer not read it again. Veronica Mars fans must be as obsessed about Pride and Prejudice as they are our beloved girl-detective — after Jackie's comments, posters on several Internet fansites called for her immediate beheading.
- Burroughs (Literature, People)
"Why can't we read Burroughs or something?"
Jackie doesn't specify which novelist she'd prefer to Jane Austen. William Seward Burroughs's experimental novels about sexual promiscuity and drug addicts aren't what most conservative, suburban parents want to see on their children's English reading lists. She probably wasn't referring to Edgar Rice Burroughs, the author of Tarzan. Augusten Burroughs's honest coming-of-age stories about troubled childhoods and wild adulthoods seem more her speed.
- Colin Firth (People)
"Duncan and I were gonna rent the BBC series of it. And Colin Firth is in it."
"Hot damn. Colin Firth is in it."
Colin Firth's portrayal of Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice was one of the highlights of this 1995 mini-series. Jane Austen would have been proud. She also might have had the hots for Colin Firth, as many women do these days.
- Who's Who bio: Colin Firth
- Warren Buffet (People)
Standard and Poor's (Organizations, Companies, and Products)
"All right, for those of you who are shooting for full-on Warren Buffet status, there is a cash prize...ooo...for the student who can beat the SNP average."
"Standard and Poors?"
"Samuel Nelson Pope, yours truly."
Warren Edward Buffett wrote the book on collecting cash prizes. This wealthy American investor is listed in Forbes magazine as the second-richest person in the world behind Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. Buffet recently donated billions of dollars to various charities, including the Gates Foundation. Now there's a man who believes in karma. Standard & Poor's is a weighted index of 500 companies with regularly traded stocks. For the economically-inclined, there's much more to be said about market value, reinvesting dividends, and base-weighted aggregative techniques. For the remaining 98% of the population, just know there's someone keeping an eye on your investments. But who's watching the people who are watching your investments? And who's watching them? Mr. Pope informs Duncan that the FBLA club follows his rules, not those of Wall Street.
- Who's Who bio: Warren Buffet
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Movies)
"Actually, I disagree with Nurse Ratched. Veronica would have been quite impressed. And probably a little turned on."
In the 1975 film, she ran her medical wards more like a drill sergeant than a caring nurse, but for Nurse Ratched, efficiency was her cloak of compassion. Her main goal was for her patients to stay un-dead. Perhaps Logan's sarcasm stems from knowing the Neptune High nurse (who has lines but no real name) is keeping him from fulfilling his death wish.
- Who's Who bio: Mildred Ratched
- Dandy Warhols (Music)
"Courtney, you wanna come up here?"
The Courtney who sings karaoke at Java the Hut bears a striking resemblence to Courtney Taylor-Taylor, lead singer of the Dandy Warhols. He informs the crowd that love hurts, right around the time Veronica discovers that Kendall Casablancas and Logan are having a secret affair and that Jackie is sneaking around, sort of, on Wallace. Courtney Taylor-Taylor once reminded us that a long time ago, we used to be friends. To say these two guys (one guy?) have relationship issues would be an understatement.
- Who's Who bio: Courtney
- William M. Thackeray (People)
"'To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.' William M. Thackeray."
This Victorian English novelist was famous for his satire and his criticism of upper class society. This inspirational quote of the day heard on Logan's voicemail easily could have been replaced by one these doozies:
"I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses."
"Except for the young or very happy, I can't say I am sorry for anyone who dies."
- Who's Who bio: William Makepeace Thackeray
- Cub Scout (People)
"Let me clarify, the one whose husband is gonna break you in half when he finds out that his son's old Cub Scout camporee buddy is secretly plowing his wife?"
Cub Scouts are baby Boy Scouts, boys from ages 6-10 who are dedicated to the personal philosophies and family values of the Boy Scouts of America. They promote spiritual development and respectful relationships, both of which Logan and Dick seem to lack. How, then, did they both attended camporees year after year?
- See all references about Boy Scout
- I Love Lucy (TV)
"I guess I'd have some 'splainin to do."
In this 1950s sitcom, Ricky Ricardo was famous for catchphrases like "Lucy, you've got some 'splainin to do" and "Lucy, I'm home." It ran from 1951-57 and was the number-one rated TV program for four of its six seasons. Logan uses a little Latin humor to try to diffuse Veronica's concern (and jealousy?) about his relationship with the very married Kendall Casablancas.
- See all references about I Love Lucy