1.21 "A Trip to the Dentist"

Aired May 03, 2005


  • Keith: Buenos dias. I know. Of all the countries under military dictatorship in all the world...

    Duncan: So did they give you the jet to take me back home? Or am I supposed to click my heels?

  • Logan: Hey, Veronica. Hey, will you stop for two seconds?

    Weevil: See, when they run away like that, it's kind of a hint they're not interested.

    Logan: Look, you do not want to start with me today, Paco.

    Weevil: Are you sure? It was in my day planner under "Goals."

  • Logan: I'm not leaving.

    Veronica: It's kind of a bad time.

    Logan: Okay. So I should come back when, never? Will that work for you?

  • Veronica Voiceover: As a rule, people that hate you aren't that helpful. There were about a hundred people at Shelly's party. Ninety-eight of them would walk over my corpse for free gum. My 09er resources are limited, but I do have a few people I can count on.

  • Meg: Can we skip English today? I have some sort of Hemingway-related narcolepsy. We start talking about The Sun Also Rises and I fall asleep.

    Veronica: Don't blame Papa, blame Mrs. Murphy's monotone.

  • Wiedman: Mr. Mars. Well done.

    Keith: Thanks.

    Wiedman: Well done. Maybe your daughter has a future in travel planning.

    Keith: And if she gets a discount and I travel the world, I'll be sure to send you a postcard. You can hang it in your cell.

  • Veronica: Remember when I saved you from drug dealers and I said I may call upon you for a favor someday?

    Luke: You didn't say that.

    Veronica: It was implied.

  • Veronica: I heard you went to TJ with Sean and Logan and scored some GHB.

    Luke: Wow, that was like a...that was like a year ago. I don't have any now.

    Veronica: I was gonna spike your juice box and have my way with you.

  • Dick: Look at that. Beaver's gettin' all the lovin'. Dick's flappin' out in the breeze.

    Luke: Please, you have like the hottest girlfriend ever.

    Dick: Much like fake boobs. You know, great to look at but they don't do as much as you'd like 'em to.

  • Veronica: You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest, trust me.

    Madison: I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal, can't buy bronzer with food stamps?

  • Veronica: You wrote "slut" on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?

    Madison: Because "whore" had too many letters.

  • Veronica: I made out with Dick and Casey?

    Madison: Please. You made out with the garage door.

  • Alicia: She put a listening device in a plant, had my son deliver it to my place of business!

    Keith: And she has her reasons.

    Alicia: Her reasons? She's seventeen!

    Keith: She's not your average seventeen-year-old.

  • Keith: Veronica, go to your room, now.

    Veronica: Fine. But he bugged me first.

  • Keith: Your life would be better if you weren't working for me.

    Veronica: Are you kidding me? You're the best father in the world. I mean, come on, look at me. I'm healthy, happy, good grades, all my own teeth, fancy shoes. I never would have gotten through this past year if it wasn't for you.

    Keith: If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have to.

  • Veronica: Ugh. This is why I need to keep my walkie-talkies in my car. Muck.

    Wallace: Really? The dirt? See, I find I hardly need my walkie-talkies at school at all. But that's me.

  • Wallace: You, I do favors for. My friends, I put my butt on the line for. That guy doesn't even know my name. You wanna tell me why I'm helping him out?

    Veronica: You're not.

    Wallace: You sure about that?

    Veronica: I needed him for something with his mother's case. I...it was just loose ends and stuff. That's it.

    Wallace: Thanks. Now that I have all the details, I don't feel like such a chump.

  • Sean: What?

    Veronica: I'm just thinking of all the ways I can destroy you.

    Sean: Well you sitting there grinning is kind of torturous.

    Veronica: So Shelly Pomroy and I were thinking of getting together later for a little girl-on-girl, you wanna come with? Wow. You know, when you're about to soil yourself, you get a little twitch right in your eye.

  • Beaver: You're gonna hurt her or something, man.

    Dick: Oh, I'd hurt her. You, she might not even notice.

  • Dick: Perfectly cute piece of ass. Ready and willing.

    Beaver: She's not willing, Dick, she's unconscious.

    Dick: It's kinda the best you're gonna do, bro'. You're not real big with the sober chicks.

  • Dick: You're frickin' nuts, you know that?

    Veronica: Insulting me right now seems like a good plan, how?

  • Dick: I mean, I got some, but I didn't give any to you. I swear on my life.

    Veronica: See, when you say that, it makes me hope you're lying.

  • Veronica: Are you freaking kidding me? How 'bout reality, Dick.

    Dick: What? I'm just telling you what I saw. I didn't drug you. Don't go blaming me because you got all wasted and slutty.

  • Keith: You see another special on dust mites?

    Veronica: They're disgusting, they're everywhere, and they must be destroyed.

    Keith: I have any messages, or did you boil them?

    Veronica: Just a fax. Apparently that package you've been waiting for is in Vegas. Is it a white Bengal tiger?

    Keith: No, it's the entertainment lawyer I've been tracking for the past year. My source in Vegas spotted him. I'm gonna have to leave as soon as possible. Maybe you want to stay with a friend or something?

    Veronica: And miss an opportunity to have the apartment to myself so that I can raid the liquor cabinet and watch Skinemax? No, wait, I'm a girl. I'm gonna do my homework, secure all the locks, brush, floss, and crawl into bed with an overly protective pit bull.

  • Aaron: [French accent] Ah! Especially for you tonight, I am making what will be known from now on as "Aaron's Extra Special Crab Cakes." Ha ha!

    Logan: I'm sure I'll thoroughly enjoy them. Right up until my esophagus closes up, cuts off my air supply, and I shuffle off this mortal coil. Perhaps my last words will be "Great crab, Papa." I'm allergic to shellfish.

  • Aaron: I just got you confused with Trina, that's all.

    Logan: I'm the one allergic to shellfish. Trina's the one allergic to work.

    Aaron: You know, somehow you got it in your head that I don't know a thing about you. Well, I got news for you: I'm your father. I raised you. I know plenty.

    Logan: Well, then, round one of "How well do you know your son?" When is my birthday?

    Aaron: February.

    Logan: Wow. Well, you got a vowel right.

    Aaron: You know, I have been pretty tolerant of your wiseass remarks but you are pushing it. Look, does it matter...that I'm trying? Does that count for anything at all?

    Logan: Yeah, you're accumulating points. You've almost won the wet vac.

  • Veronica: Then why did you leave me there? If it was so tender, and loving, why did I wake up by myself searching for my underwear?

    Duncan: Because I had to get out of there!

    Veronica: You had to?

    Duncan: Yes! I woke up, I, I saw you there, I realized what I did...

    Veronica: What did you realize was so bad? What did you do?

    Duncan: I slept with you!

    Veronica: But it was consensual, right?

    Duncan: Yes!

    Veronica: Then what about that is so wrong?

    Duncan: Because you're my sister! And I knew it! Even after my mother told me, I tried to just cut you out of my life. I loved you! I tried not to, I tried not to, but it won't go away!

  • Veronica: This is so not an "I told you so," but do you see why I kinda keep things to myself? I think I can go home now.

    Wallace: Maybe you should just stay here.

    Veronica: No, I feel better. Of course, you feel worse.

    Wallace: No, I don't care about me. I just wish I could do something. Or say something.

    Veronica: You don't have to say anything. That's kind of the good part.

  • Dick: Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called My Skank.

    Logan: Goodbye, Dick.

    Dick: What?

    Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno.

  • Meg: It's her thing. She does it to people she doesn't like. She spits in the cocktail and calls it "a trip to the dentist," 'cause we're in eighth grade.

  • Logan: Now, see, why can't it just be like this? Why do there have to be all those other people in this world?

    Veronica: What are you doing?

    Logan: You're too short. It means I level the playing field.

    Veronica: Is this where you take all your conquests?

    Logan: Nope, only the short ones.

  • Logan: Hey, I have to tell you something.

    Veronica: I'm sorry, we're past the confessional portion of this program. We're on to the make out.

-Inigo, persnicketier, misskiwi

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