1.12 "Clash of the Tritons"
Aired Jan 11, 2005
Ms. James: You know, you're never going to come to terms with Lilly's death if you keep all that pain bottled up inside you.
Veronica: Wow. I have that exact same platitude-a-day calendar at home. It's how I know beauty comes from within.
Veronica: Just out of curiosity, what are you gentlemen hoping to find in here? Al Capone? The Lindbergh baby?
Veronica Voiceover: Gosh, I hope they use that shot in the yearbook.
Veronica: Know any good lawyers?
Cliff: Very cute. I know an adequate one who just posted your $500 bail.
Veronica: They take Diners Club here?
Veronica: Howdy, Rick. Do I know you? No. Then why'd you tell Sheriff Lamb I sold you a fake ID?
Rick: It's — it's what they told me to say.
Veronica: Who's they?
Rick: No way. They're everywhere. They will destroy me.
Veronica: I'll destroy you worse.
Wallace: La femme Veronica. I heard it took three officers and a stun gun to haul your butt outta school.
Veronica: You must be the only student who didn't see my walk of shame in person.
Veronica: I need to ask another favor.
Wallace: This mission better involve me seducing the head cheerleader.
Veronica: I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it.
Wallace: No sweat. How do I do that?
Veronica: Play on her insecurity.
Wallace: I meant the fake ID part.
Veronica: The stakes are high, Wallace Fennel. Think, now. How would you do it?
Wallace: Hey, Veronica?
Wallace: I need you to get me a fake ID so I can get some fake action from a fake cheerleader.
Veronica: Wallace? Please find out who else at school is making them.
Rick: They're called the Tritons. It's a secret society at school.
Veronica: Why haven't I heard of them? ...Stupid question.
Veronica: Hi, Dad. Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial.
Keith: You know the odd thing? Those were also her very first words.
Wallace: Gave him the 4-1-1 on our video playback capabilities, you know, leaned on him. Like I was Shaft or somethin'.
Veronica: Shut yo' mouth!
Wallace: Here's how it works. You put your name and 250 bucks in locker 110 first thing in the morning. Come afternoon, brand spanking new license that says you were born in 1983 arrives in your locker.
Veronica: Are you willing to put $250 into some strange locker just to see if this works?
Wallace: Hell, no. I'm using your money.
Veronica: Hey, Wallace. How was practice?
Wallace: I was on fire out there. Three point line, hand in my face, fade away like Jordan! Boom!
Wallace: 'Course you're not listening to a word I say. So I might as well have said, "blah blah blah, blah, blabbity blah blah."
Veronica: Mm hm. How'd you like to go on a little field trip? Duncan's on the move and if we hurry, we might be able make it for the branding and the blood sacrifice.
Veronica: Let me see that. The ink is bleeding at the edges, the hologram is missing, and the photo...is that your yearbook picture, Wallace?
Wallace: So what?
Veronica: So this is a $250 piece of crap. Now I'm not just falsely accused, I'm genuinely offended.
Veronica: All right, all I've heard, these guys are bad news, so I want you to be careful.
Wallace: I'm afraid, Veronica! I'm afraid!
Veronica Voiceover: I'm sure the Triton leaders consider this initiation painful for their pledges, but, honestly, aren't we the true victims?
Veronica: Nice performance, Duncan. I was wondering if you could introduce me a few of your Triton buddies.
Duncan: Brawny gods just flocked up to quiz and vex him.
Veronica: If you could just tell me who's in charge, then I could personally thank him for putting fake IDs in my locker and getting me hauled off to the Sheriff's Department.
Duncan: Quick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim.
Veronica: That's very illuminating.
Jeff: The Great Triton is listening.
Veronica: I want to know why you planted all those fake IDs in my locker.
Jeff: The Great Triton did that to you because he's great.
Veronica: Yeah, you're a real pal unless you need a ride to the hospital.
Jeff: The Great Triton...doesn't really know what you're talking about.
Veronica: Hey, Wallace. Whatcha doin'? Uh huh. No, I haven't seen that one. Yes, Dave Chapelle is great. Listen, the real reason I'm calling? Funny story....
Veronica: Hi everybody! Say "repressed homosexuality!"
Veronica: This doesn't make sense. Someone had to open that locker. How else could they have gotten the money? How else could they have gotten Wallace's name?
Wallace: Veronica, I'm still here, you know?
Lamb: Your court date isn't until next Tuesday, right?
Veronica: We might as well go ahead and cancel that while I'm here.
Lamb: Really? Why's that?
Veronica: Well, I thought, for a change, you might be interested in having the real criminal stand trial. In the meantime, I'm gonna have a seat in your lounge, learn how to turn men into jelly with a new way of walking, and wait for the bad guy to turn himself in.
Lamb: I don't have time for your games.
Veronica: And I don't have time to "wrongfully tamper with a government-issued document" if I'm stuck here in your office.
Veronica: Write the name of any student on this Post-It, put it in the envelope and have one of your minions drop it into locker 110. By the end of the day, that kid'll have a fake ID and you'll have yourself a crook. And I'll be sittin' over here, chillin' like a villain.
Veronica: Hey, Rick, I'm down at the Sheriff's office. Hey, they're hauling in the real bad guy this afternoon. Oh, and I found out who the Tritons are. You don't wanna miss it. I'm gonna nail 'em to the wall.
Logan: Gosh, Mom. Gee, Dad. Will I be going to live with Grandma?
Sacks: Uh, it's just like she said. Found the fake in his locker.
Veronica: Process of elimination: I didn't do it.
Rick: What, me? Are you crazy?
Veronica: How else do you explain the two fifty in your wallet?
Lamb: Cough it up.
Rick: Big deal, this money's mine. It doesn't prove anything.
Veronica: Why don't you take a closer look at the one on top. Read what's written over Grant's head.
Lamb: "Veronica Mars is...smarter than me."
Veronica: Oh, you stop it!