1.11 "Silence of the Lamb"
Aired Jan 04, 2005
Keith: You don't go to the oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you?
Veronica: I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there.
Jackson: I hear you do detective stuff for people.
Veronica: I do favors for friends.
Jackson: I can pay.
Veronica: Sit down, friend. What can I do for you?
Jackson: I was hoping that you could find some dirt on my parents.
Veronica: Why Jackson Douglas, I do declare!
Jackson: They're crazy strict. They grounded me for two months for smoking up in my room.
Wallace: Apparently you've never spent time in a black woman's house. Be glad you're still walking.
Veronica: Sure you can handle the truth? The '70s and '80s were not pretty decades for people. We've all seen the pictures.
Lamb: Is your daddy here, or is he busy peeking in people's windows?
Veronica: You stop dressing up like Little Bo Peep, he'll stop peeking.
Veronica: Deputy Lamb is here.
Veronica: Can I get anybody anything? Water? Coffee? A banana?
Jackson: I don't care what they say about you, Veronica Mars. You rock.
Veronica: Yes, I do. I also take cash.
Lamb: The murders are reminiscent of the Hillside strangler case.
Keith: Except the Hillside strangler actually did strangle the girls.
Lamb: Party girls, like ours. Picked up outside of bars. Killer leaves his mark.
Keith: Okay, except for the asphyxiation, the imprisonment, the body disposal, these cases have a lot in common.
Mac: With your sleuth prowess and my programming skills, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that we would rule the entire known universe.
Mac: It's not that they're bad parents. They just...don't get me. They're nachos and NASCAR people and I'm more...
Veronica: Falafels and Fellini?
Mac: No way. That's got to be a mistake.
Veronica: Hello? Sleuth prowess.
Keith: Hello, Cleveland! Spinal Tap.
Keith: The movie, Spinal Tap. You've never seen Spinal Tap?
Keith: That explains a lot.
Keith: He's waiting for you to throw your panties.
Gabe: So what's up? You lookin' for a band to play the policeman's ball?
Keith: We're looking for a murderer. Found this guitar string tied around the neck of his last victim. Is there anything special about it?
Gabe: This exact string? This is a triple nickel antioxidant special order string we get for just one customer. A guy we call Devil Dave.
Lamb: Do you know where we can find this Devil Dave?
Gabe: Devil Daaaave?
Gabe: Did you kill anyone this week?
Keith: Your basic guitar string?
Gabe: Same as any other string. Betcha the criminals in town are shakin' in their boots knowin' you're on the case.
Gabe: I think guitar players are a little too busy nailin' women to strangle 'em. Ooooww!
Lamb: Even the wannabes and losers living in Neptune who don't realize if they haven't made it by the time they turn 30 it's because they're not going to? They're too busy?
Lamb: Strappin' on a guitar. Does it get rid of feelings of inadequacy?
Gabe: Does strappin' on a gun?
Veronica: Whoa. Who's your curator?
Mac: It won out over "Barbie."
Vic: Mmm mmm. Now that one, I would've noticed.
Keith: That's my daughter.
Vic: Wouldn't mind havin' her call me "daddy."
Veronica: I'm Keith Mars' daughter, Veronica.
Leo: Ah. Leo.
Veronica: Did you just tell me your sign?
Leo: My name, actually, though I am coincidentally enough a Leo.
Veronica: You looked in my bag.
Leo: I told you, I'm a scoundrel.
Veronica: A rogue deputy is among us. No sandwich is safe.
Veronica Voiceover: Oh my, Deputy Leo. You might as well leave me a key and a map.
Lamb: You should have consulted me first.
Keith: What did you want me to do, consult you in Pig Latin? He was standing right there!
Madison: What are you doing here?
Wallace: I came to celebrate your birth, but these two just wanna hook up.
Madison: I mean, who invited you?
Wallace: That would be Seth Russell, from History?
Veronica: No, it was Adam Bunting.
Mac: Adam Bunting. Isn't that the guy who looks like Fievel?
Veronica: No, no, that's Adam Hamilton. Nobody talks to him, he's poor.
Mac: He still looks like Fievel.
Madison: But...I didn't invite Adam!
Wallace: I remember, it was Kevin Powell.
Veronica: Happy Birthday, Madison. Thanks for being such a gracious host. Martha Stewart's got nothing on you.
Veronica Voiceover: I could tell Mac I know how she feels, but the truth is, I don't. When I had the opportunity to learn my paternity, I chose blissful ignorance with a side of gnawing doubt.
Mac: She wouldn't know Monet's Water Lilies unless Revlon named a nail polish after it.
Veronica Voiceover: I know, I'm shameless. But every time I start to feel guilty, I remind myself that Lilly would be thinking about colleges right now, or what new CD played at maximum volume would most annoy her mother. And I remember my mission.
Veronica: So what made you decide to be a cop?
Leo: Oh, well, the same old tired story. I was sent here by the agency to do a strip-o-gram for Inga, an armed robbery call came in, I figured I was in uniform anyway, so what the hell.
Veronica: So you're saying you just kind of stumbled into it.
Leo: Uh, what I'm trying to say is, this uniform, it's a tear-away.
Weevil: I need to talk to someone about the noise level in my neighborhood, which is truly out of control!
Weevil: I mean, you got motorcycle gangs, gunshots...
Weevil: ...heavy metal music? It's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep at night.
Leo: Well, why don't —
Weevil: I'll bet that if my zip code ended in 0909, you'd have a patrol car swinging by the house every 10 minutes. "Good evening, Mr. Weevil. Is there anything we can do for you?" That kind of service. But no, it's the barrio. So you figure, hey, they'll sort it out themselves. And don't get me started on what this is doing to the property values in my neighborhood! I have a good mind to run for the city council and if I win, I'll promise you this. Heads will roll.
Leo: We could send a patrol car by...
Weevil: I'm wondering if I'm better off speakin' with your supervisor.
Leo: Well, he won't be in until morning.
Weevil: Well then you leave the sheriff a note: he shouldn't expect Eli Navarro, Esquire's vote this year!
Veronica: I don't see how my age is relevant to this discussion.
Leo: Well then, you're not reading my mind.
Veronica: A cop that rocks. What will they think of next?
Leo: I'm trying to cover all fantasy bases.
Keith: So how you wanna play this?
Lamb: I say we play to our strengths.
Keith: So I'm good cop?
Keith: I don't think we can eliminate the possibility that it was someone else.
Lamb: Like who? Jake Kane?
Keith: Are you okay, honey?
Veronica: Aside from never wanting to show my face again.
Veronica Voiceover: Same old story. Girl uses boy. Girl falls for boy. Boy saves girl's dad's life. Girl gets what she deserves.
Veronica Voiceover: You send target photos of me to my mom. You call in the Abel Koontz tip. Two words for you, Clarence Wiedman: game on.