1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas"
Aired Dec 14, 2004
Veronica: The downside to being an only child? You know all the scary handmade ornaments are yours.
Keith: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You gotta put another Padres ornament over there. ...What? They should be spread out so it's even.
Veronica: You know, there are some people who think Christmas is about the birth of Christ, and not baseball.
Keith: Well, we're all entitled to our own religions, Veronica.
Weevil: You know, you look pretty comfortable with that thing in your mouth.
Logan: Sabor Cubano. You people can handroll like nobody's business.
Duncan: Sean, isn't that ghetto brew beneath you?
Sean: It's the new me. I am projecting a ghetto aesthetic. Word.
Connor: Man, where were you when I was playing the metrosexual in Lonely Season?
Sean: I was in high school, not getting paid a quarter of a million dollars to make out with Selma Blair, Connor.
Weevil: I'd like my five grand now.
Logan: Sean, the money box so I can pay the pool boy.
Weevil: Well, I'm not leavin' here without my money. Now...do I have to turn each of you upside-down and shake you?
Sean: Did you guys call each other?
Sean: This is the worst game of strip poker ever.
Wallace: You know this is for a baseball camp, right? It's not like a hot guy catalogue.
Veronica: Do they have a hot guy catalogue?
Veronica: Oh, I am so sick of not having money. I'd be the best rich person. Seriously. I'd be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy.
Veronica: You lie down with dogs, you're gonna get fleas.
Duncan: I didn't invite him.
Veronica: I wasn't talking about Weevil.
Duncan: I keep a journal on my laptop for the past...I dunno, three years. There was a time when you were kind of a feature.
Veronica: A feature with a cleverly disguised pseudonym?
Duncan: Let's just say...I was prolific.
Weevil: See, there you go with that head-tilt thing. You know, you think you're all badass but whenever you need something it's all, "hey."
Veronica: Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you.
Weevil: Could you, please, Veronica? Protect me from the big, bad, sweater vest-wearing rich boys?
Veronica: I'm just trying to help.
Weevil: In what alternate universe does it look like I need your help?
Logan: If you're asking me to the prom again, the answer is still no.
Logan: Look, my only concern is property values going down if anyone sees you in my house without a leaf blower or a skimmer.
Weevil: You're concerned? I'm the one who's gotta go up into the hills, all by myself. What if I run into a pack of you white boys, huh, on some clean, well-lit street? I could be bored to death.
Logan: Fine. It's a thousand dollars in ten crisp one hundred dollar bills. We don't take food stamps.
Weevil: [surfer voice] Ouch, you got me!
Sean: Can it be considered an embarrassment of riches if I'm not embarrassed?
Sean: Hot chick, poolside, bikini.
Connor: Dude, is that your mom?
Sean: Here's to you, Mrs. Echolls.
Sean: That's what he decides to steal? What's he going to do with a Fabergé egg?
Logan: Two words, man. Huevos. Rancheros.
Logan: You were so drunk, you wouldn't know if Kris Kringle walked in and took the money.
Logan: So what, are we breaking up now? Huh? You want your best friend charm back?
Keith: You have ten people wandering freely around your house right now. Do you even know them?
Lynn: Of course. They're the help.
Keith: I was wondering if you did pumpkin carving. Yes, I'm aware that it's Christmas. You know, I already have a gingerbread house, but thank you.
Veronica: I love the smell of testosterone in the morning.
Logan: This is why I suggested attack dogs. But no, my mother wanted an alpaca.
Logan: Did your super-sleuth kit come with a decoder ring? Do you have a pen that writes with invisible ink? Never mind, don't care. Mush! Mush!
Logan: Maybe you should talk to Connor.
Veronica: Larkin? Like, Connor Larkin?
Logan: He's a mortal, believe me. They just draw his abs on.
Logan: Does the soapbox come with the SAG card?
Logan: So unless his Pavlovian response to a downloaded ringtone is to urinate, then he was up to something. Or, his bladder's as small as his brain.
Logan: Can you get, uh, my friend a drive-on today to see Connor? Yeah, Veronica Mars. No, Veronica, "V" as in "virgin."
Veronica: Look at you, all helpful.
Logan: Hey, your peskiness being unleashed on Connor brings me joy. Annoy, tiny blonde one. Annoy like the wind!
Veronica Voiceover: I don't know if Connor's smile cost a million, but his six-pack abs are worth at least double that. Damn. I repeat, damn.
Logan: It's a kindler, gentler Weevil.
Weevil: It's Christmas, even for delivery guys.
Logan: Pa rum pum pum.
Veronica: Good morning.
Sean: Maybe in your world. In mine, I am minus one Rolex. The criminal element found its way into my gym bag yesterday.
Keith: Apparently, you were caught in flagrante. Yeah. Yeah, my memory isn't what it used to be either.
Keith: This is the guest list from the Casablancas Halloween party. Circle the name of who you slept with.
[Aaron circles several names]
Keith: Um, no, maybe I should clarify. Who you slept with at the Halloween party.
Aaron: They're not stalkers. They're just...needy.
Veronica Voiceover: Breathe, Veronica. So what? Duncan's secret diary is unaccounted for. That doesn't mean the intimate details of our strange and steamy relationship will become public domain at Neptune High. Things don't always turn out for the worst. After all, it's Christmas. Despite what everyone else might think, Santa knows I've been a good girl.
Veronica: So, good news, bad news. The good news is, I know who stole the money. The bad news is, I know who stole the money.
Logan: You know, even if you keep talking, it's not gonna happen.
Veronica: Oh. I thought you guys might all want your stuff back.
Weevil: Yeah. If I get my five grand, some items could magically reappear.
Logan: Do you even know how to play poker?
Veronica: No. But it must be really hard if all you guys play.
Logan: Ho, ho...ho.
Weevil: You want a sodey-pop or somethin'?
Veronica: You know, I think I want something with a little more kick.
Duncan: Hey, no!
Weevil: Damn, girl!
Veronica: Mmm. Iced tea?
Veronica: How very musical theater of you.
Veronica: And then, there's bachelor number three. And he's got it all. Motive. Access. Looks like an evildoer, smells like an evildoer, but surprisingly...not so much.
Veronica: I have to say, I was a bit miffed. I was this close to being able to say the butler did it. But no, it was the butler's son.
Sean: That doesn't prove anything.
Veronica: Well, that proves that you're a liar and the background check I ran on you proves that you've got a bit of a shoplifting problem. You are really bad at it.
Weevil: Seriously, don't I just blend right in? Come on. Where's Weevil?