1.08 "Like a Virgin"
Aired Nov 23, 2004
Veronica: Can I get you some coffee? A donut? Baked good of some sort?
Cliff: Aren't we pleasant. You're not going to try to sell me a raffle ticket, are you?
Veronica: Close. I want you to get me onto death row to meet with Abel Koontz.
Cliff: You crazy kids! The stuff you're into. Hula hoops, cramming into phone booths, visiting death row inmates...what's it gonna be next month?
Cliff: Dershowitz, Cochrane, and Shapiro were offering up their limbs, and he comes here for representation. I failed criminal law and I still know that can't be good.
Veronica: Sometimes people find it very difficult to say "no" to me.
Veronica: Well, does this towel make me look fat?
Meg: I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
Veronica: No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.
Meg: What'd you score?
Dick: Dude. Snow White took it and scored an eighty-nine.
Duncan: All right, Cole. Kissin' on the lips now.
Cole: Ugh. Somebody describe second base to me? Tell me what it's like. Is it beautiful there?
Veronica: Twenty seconds, baby.
Wallace: You're this excited about the super featherweight crown.
Veronica: I know, I'm usually so passive. But our bond grows stronger every day, He Who Has Satellite Dish.
Veronica: Wow. You are thirty percent danger-loving, girl-touching rock star!
Wallace: More like one point away from being cool.
Veronica: Here. Happy now?
Alicia: Wallace. Can I talk to you for a moment?
Veronica: That had to be worth at least two points.
Wallace: That's crazy. You could go on here and buy anyone's test?
Veronica: I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda can't wait for school tomorrow.
Veronica: Meg, you're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. We'll clear your name and make somebody pay.
Veronica: Unless there's a fairy godmother already on it.
Veronica: Is there any way to convert cipher text to plain text without initial knowledge of the crypto-algorithms?
Teacher: Excuse me?
Veronica: I'm trying to figure out how someone could have overridden the control framework on the school server in order to access everyone's password. Can you help me?
Teacher: Yeah, uh, in real life, I'm actually a gym teacher.
Mac: I don't know why I bother locking it in the first place. It barely runs. Mostly I just keep it around for status.
Veronica: Fo' shizzle. Check out the LeBaron.
Wallace: Why are you holding your hands like that?
Veronica: So that one day in your memoirs, you'll describe me as "inscrutable."
Wallace: I was leaning more towards "bonkers."
Veronica: I'll take what I can get.
Veronica: She won't mind, I promise. We're like total BFFs.
René: I...don't know what that means.
Veronica: Life is so not a cabaret.
Meg: I can't take this. This is too much. Everyone thinks I'm the biggest slut in school.
Veronica: We...well, second biggest.
Veronica Voiceover: I admit it, I splurged and spent ten bucks to read my own purity test. Apparently I've pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goofballs.
Veronica: My old password was gj7b!x.
René: Well, try and make this one a little big tougher.
Wallace: I just about murked my mom's crazy no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
Veronica: That guy's sleazy, so I hope "murked" means something bad.
Mrs. Murphy: Veronica. You seem to be in a sharing mood. Why don't you tell us your position on this?
Dick: All fours?
Duncan: So now it comes out: Meg was one of those Britney Spears virgins, huh?
Cole: Meg always said you were immature.
Lizzie: Funny. According to her purity test, you were always premature.
Keith: I didn't want to overstep.
Veronica: Overstepping is your main form of transportation.
Wallace: My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house.
Veronica: Who's Norman?
Wallace: Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout, mama's boy friend.
Veronica: He sounds boring for an imaginary friend.
Wallace: Mom seems to like him.
Mac: You used to be all anyone gossiped about. You still are, just...different way.
Veronica: Am I naked? Because in my nightmares I'm usually naked.
Veronica Voiceover: And while there's nothing more satisfying than solving a case, there's something seedy in being the interruptus in someone else's coitus.
Veronica: Kimmy, why do you insist on pissing me off?
Veronica Voiceover: Note to self — cue tape for client.
Veronica Voiceover: "All fours," huh, Dick? You mess with the bull...
Veronica: Funny. No one's come running up to me.
Meg: It's because people are afraid of you.
Veronica: Then something's working.
Duncan: Wait, you don't have VD? 'Cause I keep gettin' this thing on my lip and I'm not sure who I could've gotten it from....
Alicia: The fact that you helped me, even though I was awful to you...you're a very decent man.
Keith: Yeah, I'd like to think that, but really I just like tossing people out. It's kind of a hobby.
Alicia: I don't know if you've heard some of the things they say about you....
Keith: Oh, I know, trust me. I barely let me socialize with myself. I'm a bad influence.
Veronica Voiceover: They say the truth will set you free, and I'm looking for the truth in a maximum-security prison. Don't worry: the irony isn't lost with me.