Dick Casablancas

"I duct-taped him to his bike, his feet to the pedals. He was maybe ten, and I just left him out there on the cul-de-sac. Forgot about him for hours. I went outside, and there he was, still riding around in circles."

"Dick, I'm not sure if spending happy hours with your dad is the best way to deal with all this. Tomorrow, we'll catch a few waves. We'll get you back on a board. You'll see things clear."

"Yeah, okay. That sounds sweet. But I'm inviting twenty-four little buddies just in case I don't like what I see when things are clear."

To paraphrase some guy named Shakespeare: What's in a name? That which we call a Dick by any other name would still be a dick. H. Richard Casablancas, Jr. is your typical, obnoxious 09er, who lacks morals, a conscience or any form of decency. Coming from a wealthy, though rather dubious and neglectful family, he used to have a more or less willing accomplice for his skeevier expeditions in his younger brother Beaver, whom he simultaneously mentored and tortured. Even though it was his brother Beaver who hit the headlines, and the sidewalk, from a great height, Dick is still, without a doubt, the bastard son of Satan. Yet...he's funny and entertaining in a way that disturbs.

Despite his sleaze, he seems to have some luck with the ladies, occasionally causing cat fights between the mean and the ditzy, but even bribes couldn't yet persuade his young, sexy stepmother to share his bed. Well, even a gold digger of humble background had to have some standards.

Things aren't looking too good at the moment for Dick: His dad, guilty of a massive real-estate scam, is back from a year or so on the lam and ready for some intense bonding and sauce-hitting before he hits the clink. His ex-girlfriend Madison prefers his roommate. The non-09er girl who let him "ride bareback" died in the bus crash. He couldn't get a date for the prom. He had to go to summer school before he could graduate, and it took political influence to get him into Hearst College. He's quickie-divorced and unsuccessfully trolling for dates on MySpace. Oh, and there was that little thing with his baby brother, the raping, bus-crashing, Curly-killing, airplane-exploding villain of Neptune. Beaver's Cassidy's dead. Dick's a mess, self-destructing by the second. But as least BFF Logan and Dick's fraternity brothers at Pi Sigma Sigma should remain there for him as he kamikazes down into the abyss.

With no other recourse, Dick's emotions are finally at a boiling point. He's expressing anger at his emotionally abusive father and guilt over his brother's death (and uncharitable nickname). He's even apologized to his baby bro's former girlfriend, albeit in an awkward drunken stammer-fest. Guilt for decades of all-around douchery has been a powerful panacea for Dick's character — is it possible we're left with sympathy for the boy that facilitated and encouraged Veronica's rape?

-Inigo, grimsqueaker, wyk, topanga, bethgee
Bio as of 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down"
All bios: 3.20 3.19 3.18 3.16 3.13 3.12 3.04 3.02 3.01 2.22 2.20 2.18 2.16 2.13 2.11 2.07 2.03 1.22 1.21 1.10 1.02

Ryan Hansen plays Dick Casablancas.


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Hearst College

Neptune Graveyard

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