Dick Casablancas

"I met this girl a couple weeks ago at a party - hot! Like, volcanic hot. Like, I might have to use an oven mitt to feel her up."

To paraphrase some guy named Shakespeare: What's in a name? That which we call a Dick by any other name would still be a dick. H. Richard Casablancas, Jr. is your typical, obnoxious 09er, who lacks morals, a conscience or any form of decency. Coming from a wealthy, though rather dubious and neglectful family, he used to have a more or less willing accomplice for his skeevier expeditions in his younger brother Beaver. Even though it was his brother Beaver who hit the headlines, and the sidewalk, from a great height, Dick is still, without a doubt, the bastard son of Satan. Yet...he's funny and entertaining in a way that disturbs.

Despite his sleaze, he seems to have some luck with the ladies, occasionally causing cat fights between the mean and the ditzy, but even bribes couldn't yet persuade his young, sexy stepmother to share his bed. Well, even a gold digger of humble background had to have some standards.

Things aren't looking too good at the moment for Dick: His dad has fled the country after his real-estate scam was mysteriously uncovered. His ex-girlfriend Madison is now into older men. The non-09er girl who let him "ride bareback" died in the bus crash. He couldn't get a date for the prom. He had to go to summer school before he could graduate, and it took political influence to get him into Hearst College. His latest conquest just had a pregnancy scare. Oh, and there was that little thing with his baby brother, the raping, bus-crashing, Curly-killing, airplane-exploding villain of Neptune. Beaver's dead. Dick's a mess, self-destructing by the second. But as least BFF Logan and Dick's fraternity brothers at Pi Sigma Sigma are there for him as he kamikazes down into the abyss.

Will the tides turn for Dick? Will the Pi Sigs be his salvation? Will he ever find a better hairstyle? Will he be more observant in the future when approached by mysterious strangers? Will he find a good divorce attorney after his ill-advised quickie Vegas wedding? Will we actually start to feel anything but disgust for the boy that facilitated and encouraged Veronica's rape? His subtle wounded-puppy response to Logan's tryst with Madison is one step toward eliciting sympathy, but the uphill battle remains.

-Inigo, grimsqueaker, topanga, bethgee
Bio as of 3.13 "Postgame Mortem"
All bios: 3.20 3.19 3.18 3.16 3.13 3.12 3.04 3.02 3.01 2.22 2.20 2.18 2.16 2.13 2.11 2.07 2.03 1.22 1.21 1.10 1.02

Ryan Hansen plays Dick Casablancas.


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Hearst College

Neptune Graveyard

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