"Miss Nordhouse. You're expelled from Hearst College as of this moment, and so is your lawyer. That's all."
Lesson for the day: it's okay to be an angry feminist who's determined to shut down the fraternities and sororities on the Hearst College campus. But faking your own rape to try to implicate the Pi Sigmas, and then lying to Veronica Mars about it? Not so okay.
Claire was "the one in the middle," the student in the Lilith House photograph who Lampoon satirists implied might be good rape material. She decided it would make great publicity if she, the Chosen One, actually got raped. Too bad she didn't. (Er, you know what I mean). And too bad she was caught on an ATM camera with the guy who supposedly roofied and was about to rape her. And too bad the guy in the photo was actually her boyfriend. And too bad Lover Boy's roommate outed him to Veronica. And too bad Claire had already lied to Veronica and said she didn't know the guy in the photograph, which means our pixie detective had absolutely no sympathy for her. And too bad she and her Lilith House sisters were so angry about the Theta Betas' and Pi Sigs' role in the public humiliation of her best friend Patrice, which later led to Patrice's suicide attempt, that they would do anything — even stage a rape — to get the Greeks kicked off campus.
Claire's fake rape bought her a first-class ticket to Dean O'Dell's office and her quick dismissal from Hearst. She and her buddy Fern avenged their anger at the dean by pelting his office windows with eggs. Unfortunately for Claire, this innocent act of vandalism occurred on the same night the dean took a bullet to the head. Was Claire involved in his death? Keith Mars is determined to find out the truth.
Take home messages: if you're going to say you got raped, make sure you actually get raped. (Er, you know what I mean). And if you plan to participate in wrongdoing, make sure you're far, far away from anyone named Mars.
All bios: 3.11 3.08 3.06 3.05 3.04 3.03
Krista Kalmus plays Claire Nordhouse.