Parker Lee

"That's two-thirds of a turkey, bitches!"

Dear Mom,

My first week at Hearst was, like, totally great! I got the CUTEST roommate. Her name is Mac. How cute is that???!! I think that's not her real name, but I just love "Mac"! I want to carry her around in my purse.

I decorated my room with dreamy Colin Farrell. Every time I look at those soulful, intense eyes, I just feel right at home.

Oh, and guess what else? I met Mac's friend, Veronica. And, like, five seconds after I met her, she totally invited me out to this way cool club! Can you believe it? Everyone is so nice here! The club had this awesome band, the Unwashed. I had a lot of fun dancing with boys. I even gave one of them my number!

Then I decided to pledge Zeta Theta Beta because I heard they're, like, the coolest sorority there is. They invited me to this special party, so I think they liked me!

And then I got RAPED and woke up with a SHAVED HEAD.

And then I found out VERONICA was IN THE ROOM when it happened, but she didn't do anything because she thinks I'm the SLUT OF THE WORLD.

And you know what, Mom? You know exactly what I needed at that moment? I needed you to come and tell me how immature I am. I needed you to tell me that I can't make my own decisions. Because that made me feel SO. MUCH. BETTER!

But you know what? Mac believes in me. Mac's got my back now. So even though you found me, like, the most awful wig imaginable, I'm going to stay here and prove you wrong.


P.S. Another choice I've made for myself is to join people like Nancy and the other victims to make sure the Greeks go down for what they did to me. Hope you're having a great time, like, watching soaps or whatever.

P.P.S. Okay, maybe that Veronica isn't so bad. She invited me out to go bowling, and now I have a big crush on her friend Piz! I mean, what a cute name, right? And he totally doesn't look like a rapist. Or smell like a rapist, like that guy at the radio station. But I think Veronica's got my back now. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.

I don't think I'm ever going to, like, send this letter, am I? Parker, are you talking to yourself?

Bio as of 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity"
All bios: 3.20 3.18 3.16 3.15 3.14 3.10 3.09 3.06 3.04 3.02 3.01

Julie Gonzalo plays Parker Lee.

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