Parker Lee

"Just so you know, we're approaching critical pathetic mass if the girl who most wants to host gentleman callers is the most recent victim of a sexual assault!"

Hi, my name is Parker, and I've been sexually assaulted.

Hi, Parker.

It was my first week at college. I know, right? What kind of crappy luck do I have? And not only did this creep rape me, he shaved my head! What a sicko.

That's awful!

Seriously! So I, like, almost went running back home to Mommy, but then I was all, screw that. I can take care of myself! My roommate Mac (who is so totally adorable, you guys, I want to carry her around in my purse) showed me I had friends to look out for me. And we've all got to look out for each other, am I right?

Yeah!

So I joined the Take Back the Night group to make sure no other women had to go through what I did. And Mac's friend Veronica, who is sort of like my friend now too, acted all Nancy Drew for me. It was a little personal for her, I think. We had some rocky moments, me and her, but I ended up totally giving her an important clue. Yeah, I knew what my rapist smelled like.

But when she finally went after him, it was like this...the thing with the irons? Because I was all about people looking out for me, but it turned out that I was supposed to look out for Veronica! I totally saved her by blowing a rape whistle. Those things work, you guys!

[cheers]

So now that's over with, and I'm ready to get on with my life, you know? I've got my girlfriends, Mac and Veronica, and we're going to go find us some BOYS. Because you can't just let the bad ones ruin it for the rest, right? That wouldn't be fair to Colin Farrell. There is a saddle, and some stupid DJ knocked me out of it, but I am ready to ride that wild stallion once again. Now that Logan's free, he seems to be interested in me. We totally had this connection during the Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt. I can see where this is going, right? Because I'm Parker, and I rock, and I deserve to be happy!

[applause]

-Polter-Cow
Bio as of 3.14 "Mars, Bars"
All bios: 3.20 3.18 3.16 3.15 3.14 3.10 3.09 3.06 3.04 3.02 3.01

Julie Gonzalo plays Parker Lee.


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