About our Team
If it weren't for the efforts of these fine, upstanding, brilliant, gorgeous, witty, and humble-to-boot folks, this site would never have been possible.
We came, we snarked, we stayed.
Are you talking to alliterator? Are you talking to alliterator? There's no one else around, so you must be talking to alliterator. Or not. alliterator tries to be funny, but most of the time, his jokes end up falling flat. And then hitting him in the face with a frying pan. So he just contributes episode summaries and makes graphics with his l337 Photoshop skillz and tries not to get hit in the head with flying frying pans of bad jokes.
BepperGirl has a wild and sordid history here at MI.net. We hired her, didn't pay her anything for three weeks, and then decided we didn't want to keep her around, mainly because she kept eating all our cheese. About a month later, we fortified our cheese storage device and asked her to come back because we couldn't resist her bubbling enthusiasm and willingness to do whatever we told her to do. We're still not paying her anything, though.
BethGee is an extraordinary girl in an ordinary whirled. We overlook the fact that she can't spell because she brings years of television-watching and pop-culture knowledge to the table, along with a love of Duran Duran, which alliterator can appreciate. In no time at all, you will be exclaiming, "Oh em BethGee!"
chris1010 spins around in his chair and says, "You are on the Global Frequency." From the lofty peaks of Scandinavia, he jacks into the World Wide Web, filtering out the porn, Flash games, and Asian students lip-synching to the Backstreet Boys to bring you every media mention of Veronica Mars in existence. From comics to magazines, from ratings to recaps, nothing slips through his fingers. Bow before him and despair.
chookie used to be called chocolate chip cookie, but she cut out twelve unnecessary letters. In much the same way, she cuts out all the unnecessary "letters" in a Veronica Mars episode to give you a way to read it faster than you could watch it.
FakerMcFalse does not exist, like the formula for cold fusion or the brain of a Fox programming executive. She is a repository into which all our grey matter is thrown, in a valiant effort to outwit Rob Thomas and his stultifying brilliance. We would kick her off the team, but she doesn't exist anyway.
fickledame hails from Britain, where she is charged with protecting the Holy Grail, which is not a literal chalice as everyone believes but in fact Greta Mae Thomas. What, you didn't know? The signs are all there if you study the works of Hammer (Victor, not M.C.). Luckily, she gets wireless Internet in her [undisclosed secret location], which allows her to edit like the dickens and write like Dickens.
Are you feeling fulfilled? I don't think she appreciates it, buddy. You back away and let her fulfill her destiny here: editing like a madwoman and writing cultural references like...a madder woman.
funky-donut is one psychedelic crumpet. She slices! She dices! She can correct your grammar faster than a college professor with a speech impediment! She also makes a mean apple strudel, and I mean mean.
grim squeaker stands about six inches high, making her the only member of our team shorter than Kristen Bell. With her trusty scythe at her side, she slices through words like a knife through a warm snickerdoodle. If you're a character and worth writing about, she's got your number, whether you live in Neptune or Ankh-Morpork.
Hello. Her name is InigoMontoya. You browsed her website. Prepare to die. Just kidding. She's too busy writing character bios and keeping all the mysteries straight to bother with the sound of ultimate suffering. Besides, she has a tendency to pontificate. (I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? Do you have to use a special mouse?)
maribella would have you believe she is an Italian princess, but the joke's on you: she's actually a queen! She masquerades as a down-on-her-luck princess who fell in with the ragtag rag of ragamuffins known as MI.net in order to escape the numerous assassination attempts perpetrated by a rogue mafioso intent on quashing both her editing skill and her ascent to the throne. She cleverly places hidden messages within her edits to communicate with her sworn protectors, the Marivingians. But thankfully, no one knows that the true queen is hiding right here with...oh, dear.
misskiwi either likes kiwis or lives in New Zealand. Maybe she's the Kiwi Goddess of New Zealand. She's definitely a goddess of graphics, if not fruit. Seriously. We had to sacrifice one of our original members at her altar just to get her to work with us. And she demands a new tribute every week. Hey! You'd die for this show, right?
persnicketier was found in a basket on the bank of the Ganges River. Raised by a collective of Hindu priests, she learned the ancient art of Vronka Marsa. Today, she can view an episode of television and almost instantaneously filter out the commercials, red herrings, and certain rich socialites in order to distill it down to the important parts. Afterwards, with the help of a few Vedic hymns, she can reconstruct the entire episode in textual form. Also, she knows kung fu.
Named after a villain in Toejam and Earl 2: Panic on Funkatron, Polter-Cow is neither a poltergeist nor a cow, but some sort of hybrid nitpicker/comedian, who likes to make bad puns, write science articles, and poke badgers with spoons.
spacecitymarc is our resident expert on the music of Veronica Mars. He has also won $800 on Jeopardy!, been a virtual pirate, danced onstage with the Flaming Lips while dressed as a frog, had a warrant issued for his arrest, nearly voiced a cartoon dog, and made out with Kristen Bell. Okay, we're totally kidding. He hasn't made out with Kristen Bell. YET.
tallow may be a serial killer for all we know, but funky claims she's okay. Of course, funky could be a serial killer too. Maybe they're working together! Well, we already know they're working together. Plotting schemes of evil? I guess she can keep writing and editing for us. As long as she doesn't EDIT OFF MY HEAD.
topanga has a healthy attitude, toward commas. She believes that, if you have enough words in a sentence, and you want the meaning, assuming they have one, of those words to be clearer, you should, after eating a balanced breakfast and swearing on Strunk and White, pepper that sentence with those curvy, crafty punctuation marks, much like you would pepper your scrambled eggs, and that, in a nutshell, is what she, our Official Wallace/Percy Fangirl, does for us, when she's not writing character bios, which, of course, may also contain commas, so if you've been keeping count, the answer is 20. Okay, 21. Wait, now it's 22. 23. There.
vix is yet another in a long line of editors, dating all the way back to vi, also known as Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty, His Momoness. Other notable scions include viii, who fought in the Great Participle Wars; vv, who defended the semicolon in the Trial of the Century; and vviiii, who once shot a comma in Reno just to watch it die.
wyk. She can't spell. She can't punctuate. She thinks it's real swell to berate her fellow webteam members, other TWoPers, the WB, non-fans, visitors to this site, God, and puppies. So why do we keep her around?
"Because I'm the one footing the bill for the [bleeping] site, you bunch of ungrateful, freeloading [bleeping bleepity bleeps]!"
Oh, that's why.
They came, they couldn't snark, they left.
geniusblonde hails from Israel, like recurring guest star Alona Tal. Hey, isn't she kind of...blonde? And didn't someone say she was sort of a...genius? OMG Alona Tal writes for our site! That's why our character bios are so awesome! We've got the inside scoop. Wait, isn't Alona Tal in America now? Oh.
[Editor's note: We're sad to note that geniusblonde left the site. Hey, wasn't that about the same time Alona Tal left the show? OMG geniusblonde totally was Alona Tal!!!]
Some people think that DNA gets magically turned into protein. These people are wrong. They probably don't watch Veronica Mars. DNA must first be transcribed into RNA, which is translated into protein. There are a lot of enzymes that edit this intermediary message so the final product is fully functional. Gr8Writer is like one of those enzymes, except taller.
[Editor's note: Sometimes an enyzme is ubiquitinylated.]
healing fish, like Veronica Mars, is a marshmallow. If you put her in the microwave, she'll melt. And believe us, we've tried it. But she threatened to quit writing fabulous character bios, so we stopped. After thirty seconds. She's a little goopy right now. I wouldn't touch her.
[Editor's note: Um, she melted. Oops.]
jb88 went to the beach during the critical site-building time, then popped up occasionally with random questions and rather unhelpful suggestions that she tended to post in the wrong thread. She tried to make up for it by giving nitpicky advice on incidental word choice issues. She means well, though.
[Editor's note: Dudes, has anyone seen jb88? Is she at the beach again?]
lilserf is what scientists refer to as a "dork" "programmer." To keep him from infecting everyone else with crazy acronyms like "PHP" and "SQL," he's securely locked in an all-plastic prison where only wykbbb talks to him, translating his crazy ramblings for the team's benefit. If he does his job right, this site will be so easy to use you'll never realize he's done anything at all. Dammit.
[Editor's note: lilserf recently became daddyserf, so from now on, the only crazy ramblings he's concerned with is the ramblings of little babyserf. Awww.]
marks of love is named not after hickeys but an angry woman wielding a knife - just a bit of trivia there. Her purpose on the team is a little unclear, but it seems to involve making editing as mystifying a process as possible, disappearing periodically, and harassing Polter-Cow. Obviously, hers is a key role in the grand space opera that is MI.net.
[Editor's note: She is a leaf on the wind. Watch how she soars. Her aid she'll rescind. No more "Who's at the door?"s.]
mrhooks got his name from A) the curved pieces of metal he's jabbed into his hands, B) his ability to write a song that'll get stuck in your head for days, or C) the intangible but undeniable effect he has on the ladies. He is a mysterious and powerful member whose mystery is exceeded only by his power.
[Editor's note: We're starting to get a little worried that mrhooks may have gone off terrorizing teenage girls with his hooks-for-hands. If anyone hears a scraping sound on their hood late at night, well, give MI.net a call. We'll come collect him.]
public displays of lust is no relation to marks of love. They aren't, like, twin sisters or soulmates or poodles separated at birth or anything. Though we do suspect that if they were both in the same room, the editing posts would look like this: PUT A COMMA AFTER VERONICA AND THEN OMG WHY CAN YOU NOT SPELL DEFINITELY ALSO THAT SENTENCE HAS TOO MANY CLAUSES WTF.
[Editor's note: public displays of lust has chosen to become a little more private.]
Meep meep! That's the sound of a Ridiculously Optimal and Database-Run, Uploadable, Network-Navigable, Editing Receptacle. wilecoyote spends his days chasing this ROADRUNNER, employing the help of his trusty ACME PHP MySQL DBZ OMG LOL. Like lilserf, you'll probably never notice his work, especially since he often falls comatose after running into a wall painted to look like a tunnel.
[Editor's note: wilecoyote exploded in a finale-induced rage. ACME dynamite dynamight be a wee bit dangerous.]
They came, they helped, they...status to be determined.
brian is our resident Flasher*. He's willing to show off his talent to anyone who comes a calling. Unlike most of us, he refuses to go by a clever moniker. Sleeping through the day and up most of the night, he tends to obsess with creativity and listen to a lot of indie music.
* Ewww! Not that kind of flasher, you pervs! I'm talking about Macromedia/Adobe Flash.